green eyes you're the one that I wanted to find, and anyone who tried to deny you must be out of their mind

Nooooooo. No, no, no. Staph Harry, staph. I've recently started following a Harry-girl on Tumblr, and it might have been the biggest mistake in my life. Because now I have to look at pictures like these? Oh god, he's so pretty. It should be illegal. I'm currently listening to Green Eyes by Coldplay, which should be a song dedicated to Harry Styles, because "anyone who tried to deny you must be out of their mind". Anyway, I went to bed with fresh sheets and a newly showered body. And it's my favorite thing ever. And I am going to blame that for me sleeping three hours more than planned. I'm currently having a break from reading pathology, and I'm going to read a fan fiction. I've actually not read one in days? I think -- or I might have read one yesterday?? At least it feels like I've not read any in a long time. Also, I'm currently in a post-pasta-partum mode. I really want pasta, that is all.

tell me if you need a loving hand to help you fall asleep tonight

Hii xx. The past two days have been spent staring at words. Also known as reading. It's less than a month (it was a month yesterday) until my exam, and I'm having a freak out. I've decided to become quite isolated and a loner this month. I'm just going to revise, revise and .. revise. (However, I'm going to that One Direction concert in 9 days (squeal), and I'm definitely not going to think about my exam). Thus far, pathology has thought me that I'm going to die. And it's possible it's soon. Also, that I should appreciate my health a lot more. And that I should stop eating bacon. My friend A, whom I am to refer to as Ale (A fermented alcoholic beverage containing malt and hops, similar to but heavier than beer) (I think I'm going to make a post to name all my friends who are frequently mentioned on my blog), came home on Thursday. Ale, Sugar and I did a bit of "reading" (wasn't that productive) at school on Friday. And then today we met up with almost everyone from my "old" gang? Before this, Ale and I went to the Royal Palace in Oslo, and had a bit of a photo shot (and then we nearly froze off our fingers, and decided to go). We went to a restaurant/cafe/bar called Tullin's Cafe. In a recommendation by the waiter, I ordered "Pasta All Zuchini". And it was marvelous. Honestly (although I might be a bit biased, because I'm a pasta lover. But nevertheless it really was marvelous). My friend Sugar has been pestering me and the kilo-gang about dining at Tullin's Cafe for quite a bit now. Jeg bøyer meg i støvet, Sugar. 1-0 til deg. And though I really wanted to try a fruit salad, I went for a cuppa instead. Had my stomach not been completely full, I would though. D'you remember when I mentioned that Zayn always go incognito during breaks? Well, turns out he wasn't all that incognito this time - he went to Paris to join Perrie, because Little Mix is (was?) currently in Paris. I love Zayn and Perrie. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it before, but they are honestly so cute together, even though we only get to see tiny glimpses of their relationship (because they are so good at keeping their private lives private). The Take Me Home tour resumes tomorrow, in Paris. And it's weird, because the break have only been for a week, but I've still really missed seeing them being dumb onstage via Tumblr. Anyway, I'm going to catch up on some Youtube before I do some more reading.

stars in our eyes and with heart shaped bruises and late night kisses

Once upon a time one turned into two. And then two turned into three. And then three turned into four. I've got the weirdest friends. Weird - of a strikingly odd or unusual character; strange. That's all.

she sleeps alone, my heart wants to come home

Morning xx. Deep breaths, deep breaths. Calm down. I keep looking at the calendar, and I keep thinking it's May in a couple of days. And it is May soon. It makes me so excited, because (oh my god) One Direction. But I can't make myself wish for the days to fly by, because I still have loads of reading left, which makes me slightly hyperventilate too. It's like first I think: "oh my god, oh my god. I'm going to see One Direction in real life. They are going to be in Norway. Oh my god, oh my god". And cue; shallow breaths. And when I've just calmed down I think "Oh my god, shit, I've got two hundred pages left to read in pathology, I've also got the tasks to each chapter, and I've no idea how the exam will be like because it's fucking new, and..". And cue: shallow breaths. It would be so easy to not care about school. But I really do care, because eventually it'll decide whether I can continue on a higher level education (which I really want), so I've got to deal with it. Aguantare. Today is going to be a really long day, but hey. I get to spend it with Sugar, Kiwi and my belieber friend (ohh sentimental), so it's all good. You ought to look at the positives in life. So whilst Niall, Louis and Liam went to Munich, Germany yesterday and Harry's gone off to L.A., Zayn has gone incognito. I find this so incredibly intriguing, because he always goes incognito. I can understand the wish to spend time with his girlfriend, family and friends. But he could go so many places (bloody hell, he's a millionaire, innit?) and bring them along. Instead he probably stays home and sleeps during the day, and do nothing with his friends. And it always makes me think that maybe Zayn wasn't made for fame. And it shouldn't be a surprise, because it's been there since the start. Since X-Factor when he didn't want to do the dance routine. I read this theory on Tumblr the other day, where the person said she didn't think Zayn would pursue a solo career if (when) One Direction splits up. That he'd feel weird to do something like that without the lads. And I feel like there's so much truth in that theory. Although I do feel like all of the lads would feel weird to go solo - to be alone, after literally living on each other for years. But I think it would mostly be hardest on Zayn. The reason for this sombre topic, is because JLS supposedly are splitting up after tour. And it just made me think of the inevitable. Also, I'm sort of aching for a really good fan fiction, and I think this would be a lovely plot. And because I love Zayn (alright, so I love them all, but still).

tell me how to fall in love the way you want me to

I've just finished writing the birthday card to my younger sister. I've never written one of "my cards" to her, so it ended like this: "It’s awkward enough that I've written this, so let’s not talk too much about it. Alright". Which you know, is a great way to end a card (sense the irony). The quote in the picture (the card) is from Looking For Alaska by John Green, whom we both love. He really is a wise man. It is a reason why his quotes are all around Tumblr and whatnot. I cannot wait for his new book. In the meantime I'll just reread the ones I've read, and read the ones I've not read. I skipped class today, due to my late night yesterday. I went to bed at 2:00 am, because I was stressing to get the paper done. And then I woke up at 6:00 am. And I tried - I really did. I got up from bed, got dressed and did everything I usually do (except for makeup). But I felt so dizzy with exhaustion. And I thought "hm.. better not". I feel a bit bad, but I also think it was a good decision. Although I feel like I've been a really bad student the past two weeks? Got to get my shit together again. The rest of the day will be spent reading pathology and probably eating cake. Also, I've just discovered another Ed Sheeran song. It's called Cold Coffee. I was listening to a playlist on 8tracks, and considering the person had tracks from my a lot of my favorite artists in their playlist - I just thought that the person was my musical soulmate. And when Cold Coffee was played, I thought "well, hey, let's get married, yeah?". Also, I'm really sad 5 Seconds of Summer isn't going to be the opening act for One Direction in Europe, because I've really grown fond of them. And I really like their music, especially Over And Over. It's in the harmonies. Oh well. Life goes on.

all I want is the taste that your lips allow

Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me. Oh my god, the coolest thing happened to me yesterday. In midst of my shower and lathering myself with soap, I managed to make a humongous bubble with my arms. It didn't really turn into a bubble when I blew it. Nevertheless, it sort of blew my mind. And that, my folks, is how easy it is to amaze me. Apparently I'm already tired of pathology lectures. I can't seem to actually listen to the lecturer. And it's not that he's bad - he's quite funny and very good at his subject. It's just that I don't particularly like having lectures from 5:30-8:15 pm. It's just too late for my liking. Although it is nice to be able to wake up later sometimes. Especially since it's a Monday. Anyway, my friends at school (Sugar, Kiwi and my Belieber friend) are currently trying to peer pressure me into attending a concert. 'Cause you know, that's what friends are for? Oh my god, Kiwi has apparently started reading fan fiction, and I managed to get her to read a One Direction fan fiction today. I sort of want to make her read loads of others too, but I think it's a really bad idea. I want to say I've not read any fan fiction today, but when I think about it, I've actually read two. And that's really bad - when I don't even remember the fact that I've read one (or in this case; two). By the way, I'd like to address a few issues with you guys. It really freaks me out when people photoshop one of the 1D lads into twins? (click to see an example). The more serious issue is the commercials on Youtube. I cannot tell you how many times I want to bang my head in the wall because of them. It's annoying to me, because I avoid television for that exact reason (these are luxury problems, and I should just be grateful - I know inner conscience, you don't have to constantly remind me). I'm currently eating an avocado, and I'm going to catch up on some Youtube videos. And then I'm going to continue on that stupid paper. Can't wait to never have to see it again.

I let you see the parts of me that weren't all that pretty

Hiiiiii. If anyone want to crown me for "the best procrastinator", then you're all welcome. At 3:00 am yesterday, I was watching videos of Justin Bieber performing Love Me Like You Do. Luckily I know it's not some infatuation with Justin Bieber. It's more of an infatuation with his dance moves? And I'm really loving the choreography to this song, and the song in general. So excuse me while I go watch Justin Bieber when I'm supposed to sleep (I write a lot about Justin Bieber these days, don't I?). Due to my late night, I didn't get out of bed until 1:00 pm. I did wake up before, but (cough) Ireadafanfiction. I made myself a avocado/prawn/pasta thing. And it was delicious, because I love avocado and pasta. I also like prawns, except that I'm a tiny bit allergic. I tolerate it, just makes me a bit itchy. Since it was sunny outside, I decided to sit outside whilst editing the paper I was supposed to be done with ages ago (according to myself. It isn't actually due until Tuesday). Now I'm having a little break, and I think I might go eat something. 'Cause you know; fulfilling my needs for nutrition and all. I'm going to wake up early tomorrow to try catch up on some reading, because I've not read pathology since Thursday. Mostly because I was at Oyster's Friday, and pretended to be a kid (learned to play Twenty Eight by The Weeknd on the piano, did a puzzle, watched Toy Story, had a go on the swings and the slide, played some footie in the sun, painted Oyster's "russebukse", sulked because I'm not a russ this year, and refreshed my memory of animals with Oyster's younger brother). Can I just remind you that it's 16 days until the One Direction concert? That's about two weeks. Which is nothing. 

did you have to tell your friends about the way I got you screaming

So Oyster asked me about my highlights from the Justin Bieber concert (I think Kiwi asked me the same question too). And I didn't know what to answer, except I sort of did. I'm the sort of person that gets caught up in moments, things that are important to me. There were several highlights from the night, but it was this one in particular I was thinking about when she asked me the question; after the concert we were at a bus full of tired and giddy beliebers. And I guess me and my belieber friend was a bit high on life (or Bieber in her case), and she was singing Boyfriend out loud. I thought she’d stop singing in embarrassment, but she didn’t. And I don’t really mind, because I sing out loud all the time anyway. So I was singing along, only switching back and forth to Titanium. And we were driving through a tunnel, singing and slightly dancing. And I was just hit with the memory of the scene in The Perks of Being a Wallflower, when Charlie, Sam and Patrick are driving through the tunnel. Charlie says: "in that moment, I swear we were infinite". And it felt like my own version of that. I tend to do things like this; after I’ve done something (been with friends, events, going out, etc), I sort of look back on the night or day, and then I collect memories. It’s almost like I handpick things to remember. My belieber friend will probably read this and faintly recall this. But it won’t have the same meaning to her, as it did (does) to me. I’m weird like that. It is probably why I’ve got the weirdest memories too, now that I think of it. Like, why I can recall my sister making me a cuppa before school, why I can recall biking by a yellow house in my childhood, and why I will be able to recall this particular memory in the future.

sleep don't visit, so I choke on sun and the days blur into one

I think it was yesterday or something when I realised that I'm going to see One Direction in less than a month. These things always kicks in at the weirdest times. I was just sitting at the bus, staring at the glum weather, and then my stomach lurched, and I just felt so incredibly giddy. They've only got two shows in the UK now, before they start the rest of Europe throughout May, and then America throughout June, July and August. And then Australia and New Zealand throughout September and October. It's a really long tour. Rumours have it that they are taking a break after this, and I really hope they do - because I don't want them to get all worn out. My poor little lads. I woke up just 30 minutes ago, and it's possibly the longest I've slept for days. It feels wondrous on my body, but now I've got little time to do what I was planning to do. I'm hanging with my best friend, Oyster. I've begun to name the people I hang with, because apparently there are a lot of different people. And I sort of want to remember who they were when I re-read this. Yes - I do actually re-read my blog sometimes, because I seem to forget what I write? And it comes in handy so many times, because I can be like: "wait, what date was that again? Oh, I can just check my blog". I sort of wish I did that with songs to - like, write which songs I was listening to at the moment. Because I was listening to Forest Gump by Frank Ocean yesterday, and I got this feeling of reading anatomy at school late at night. (Excuse me while I go back in my archive and see if I'm correct). Maybe I'll just start now, like tag the song? So yes, today I'm hanging with Oyster because it's been ages ago since we last were together. It always is, I guess. But now I ought to go downstairs and eat. Before I go though, I was just looking through Niall's Instagram, and I was thinking - you are what you Instagram. Now that's a thought. 

When you love me, I can feel it. When your heart beats, I can hear it

Well, this is a new favorite performance. Obvious serenading and pretending to be in love? And look at their shadow in the second gif. It's a reason why Narry is the ship of dreams. But yes, I also loved this performance because Liam did a bit of beat boxing at the end, and they changed the song into a remix of some sorts. I had a bit of a bad start to the day; rain. Not that I dislike rain that much. I just didn't realise it would rain that much. So obviously I went outside without an umbrella and with Converse. And it was fine right outside my house. It wasn't that bad. And then when I arrived at the train station, the rain was pouring down, and there were rivers of water down the roads (alright, I'm slightly exaggerating, but it was a lot - ok?). I ended up getting soaked to the bones, which would be alright. And it wasn't like I was really mad or anything - I don't even think I really cared. But the thing is, it's very unpleasant to be soaked in a room where it's constantly cold. I'm a bit surprised I'm not nursing a little cold, but I guess my immune system is great. Kiwi ditched me yesterday for some ballet, so I was forever alone in the lecture. Well, not really. I was actually sat beside some classmates. Nevertheless, she'll have to make it up to me by showing us a bit of ballet (I'm hoping she'll read this). I'm definitely going to force her to do it - that's how friendships goes, doesn't it? No? Today was perhaps the first day I've slacked during the lectures. But I just couldn't keep my head from dropping? I was a bit tired after sleeping for only four and a half hour last night. And that was due to my wrecked circadian rhythm. I actually almost fell asleep at the train too. I'm currently in a post-Justin Bieber-partum phase, where I'm still intently listening to Justin Bieber. I can feel it slowly fading away, but I'm really enjoying Love Me Like You Do. It's just the beat - and it's quite relaxing. Alright, I'm actually going to let myself read some fan fictions, seeing as I've been reading pathology most of the day. And then I'm going to bed, because my eyes are yet again dropping.

everything starts from something, but something would be nothing

Oh wow. My limbs are aching. Although, I guess it can also be blamed on my exercising-regime. It's mostly blamed on Justin Bieber though. We went to stand in a line from 3:00 pm. And the doors didn't open until 6:30 pm. It was surprisingly alright, we stood there the whole time, and it's was a bit of rain - like manageable. Also, we made friends with a mum. Not just a regular mum, but a belieber mum. She updated us on his whereabouts (live from Twitter), danced along us, and did a bit of screaming once in awhile. It was hilarious. Before this though, people went a bit crazy (as expected), and jumped over the fences. That is until the guards threatened everyone to be put behind in the lines. From then on everyone was surprisingly calm. Oh, and then the lines started walking. And everyone was getting excited, and then we were inside Telenor Arena, and everyone had to sit down? This was in the Golden circle, and I guess it was to keep us from pushing each other, and have people fainting before it even started. The await inside felt much longer, and people were impatient after waiting for hours and hours. My limbs were already aching at that part. I was just waiting for the concert to start and the adrenaline to kick in. The performing act before Justin Bieber asked if we were ready for Bieber. And obviously the whole arena decided to scream. And that was when I realised it would probably be good to wear ear plugs. I did end up taking them out anyway. Like, yolo ears. You'll manage. And then the countdown started, and it went so fast. Thing is, my belieber friend asked me if I could see a split in the screen, because Justin usually flies down with wings. And I was adamant, and told her no. "I don't see anything, I think it's wishful thinking on your part". So who proceeds flying down with wings when the countdown has been ended? Justin. So, 1-0 to my belieber friend. I had decided on beforehand that I'd only try watching Justin on one of the screens filming him, because the people in front of me was blocking a lot of the view. And I know we were in the Golden circle, but I didn't realise he would be that close. When I actually saw him in flesh and blood, not on the screen, but him - I was sort of stunned to silence. Honestly, people were all jumping and screaming. But I was mute. Imagine me holding the camera to my heart and then the other hand over my other hand, and then my mouth agape and eyes widened. Well, that was me throughout most parts of the concert. I sort of forgot to actually listen to him sing, because I was so damn focused on staring at him. It was just a bit surreal? Like, wow, he actually exist. I'm not going to say that I've become a belieber, but I am a bit more amazed by him now. Like my friend Kiwi sometimes says, "he's an alien". Like, he's so damn talented that I sort of can't believe it. My belieber friend and my friend - Sugar, are attending his concert tonight, and except for the wind, the weather outside is lovely! And they are also going in the Diamond circle, which is the closest you can get to Justin. Unless you get picked as the One Less Lonely Girl. I know they'll have lots and lots of fun. Meanwhile, me and Kiwi are attending a lecture in pathology. Which is just as fun (not). Also, do you remember when my younger sister attended a noodle party? Or did I not write about that? Well, she did. This week however, she's attending a pizza/oreo cookie party. It's like they all have a temptation, and then someone decides to host a part because of it?

gonna take you away from home

I urge you all to see this video. I know it's 19 minutes long, but I swear, it'll not be a waste of your life. It was my younger sister who made me aware of the term "introvert", when she had painted a picture for her art class. And she made me take a test to see whether I was an introvert or an extrovert, and of course my result said that I was an introvert. But as Susan Cain explains in her lecture, you are never totally introverted or extroverted. You can me somewhere in the middle too. I just find this so interesting, partly, because it lies close to me, I guess. And as I've mentioned before, when people put words to your thoughts, you instantly think it's brilliant. Because "hey, I was thinking that too!". I'm actually going to send this video to my teacher. That's how brilliant I think this is. Anyway, today I'm sort of aching in my bones, because of my exercising yesterday (not the minor exercising we did at my Belieber friend's). I tried out a new type of lunges (I'll link the video here), and I almost died afterwards. Or, well, I usually do 30 x 3 lunges, and that's fine with my body (I ought to thank my parents for my genes). But I tried 30 x 1 with the lunges that John (he's the twin brother of one of my favorite Youtubers) showed in the video, and I had to lie down for a minute or two. But hey, I do like the burn in my body. It's pleasing, I guess. I'm going to blame my friends for all this talk about exercising, because they've got this hugely impact on me. I'm so glad I took sociology as a class at school, because I think I'm so aware of things that people don't necessarily think about. Just like people's impact on me. It's like, sometimes I'll do things, and I'll think "well, that's because of that person, innit?". I'm considering a jog tomorrow, seeing as the snow has almost melted away. But I don't know if it's going to be a good idea, seeing as I'm attending the Justin Bieber concert the day after. Oh and a last thing, Fleur (also known as Fleur De Force) from Youtube just lost her dog yesterday. And I don't know, but it makes me really really weepy? It's almost like when I saw that Malachi from The Shaytards had passed. I've just now realised how much of an animal person I am? That I've always been surrounded by animals.

I see you’re here to stay, should've have known I picked my fate

Oh wow. After tonight I'm really excited for the Justin Bieber concert and One Direction. As my Belieber friend was driving us to the tram, we we're blasting Justin Bieber and One Direction. And we were all just singing and dancing along. And I just sort of wished that we were all going together? Kiwi isn't attending Bieber nor One Direction, so that's a bit sad. Anyway, I've finally managed to make a playlist of the whole setlist (both to Bieber and One Direction). It sort of feel a bit like I'm having an oral exam or something akin, and I've got to memorize my script - which in this case, is the lyrics. My dad was very happy with the cake and card yesterday, seeing as he probably thought we'd all forgotten it. And to be honest, hadn't it been for me (yes, taking the honor, although rightfully so), no one would've remembered it. I reminded my younger sister, whom went to the grocery store in order to buy the cake mix. And then I sent a message to all of my other siblings, who had forgotten about it. I guess I'm the sort of person that remembers birthdays? It's like this little itch in the back of my mind, and I'm always thinking "hm, have I forgotten something? Is it someone's birthday?". Because it's horrible to forget birthdays, in my opinion. Today, or tonight, was a really fun event. We watched Pitch Perfect, which was alright if I'd have to actually rate it. But it was hilarious because of "Fat Amy" (or "Fat Patricia). We indulged in chocolate, pizza and whatnot. And then afterwards we sort of talked? Can't really remember. But we did a bit of training, which obviously makes up for the junk we ate (not really, but let's pretend). Oh and one of the highlights of the days: my Belieber friend's cat finally took a liking of me. He sort of despised me the first time we met, and would not come near me. And I guess, yeah, I'm more of a dog person to be completely honest. But I'm also an animal person in general. When I think of it, I've interacted with dogs, cats, rabbits, hamsters, chinchillas, turtle, horses, mini pig, birds, etc. But today he (the cat) basically sat in my lap and let me stroke him. And that's my favorite thing; cuddling with an animal in my lap. Makes me miss my sisters dogs actually. On the train home we sat beside an older women, seemingly a bit drunk. I'm guessing because she was giggling. And then there was a guy singing rather loudly. And so I decided to compliment him on it. I guess I should have known better, because once you say something, the other person won't ever shut up. But it's all good fun. Makes me think of being a "russ". You should know that I'm pouting right now, because I really miss it.

even when we're miles and miles apart, you're still holding all my heart

My belieber friend had me listening to one of her beloved songs on her iPhone yesterday. It was most definitely not my cup of tea. And I actually like most types of music. In return she asked me to let her listen to my favorite song (except for One Direction). And I answered that I didn't have any favorite song. And then she told me to choose a song was "me". And what do I choose? Inseparable by The Jonas Brothers, the song that named this blog. The song that probably will stay in my favorites forever. It's just, the lyrics. If I ever do find love, I'd like it to be like that. Maybe it's a bit naive, because "I promise it will never be dark".  Course it's going to be "dark" sometimes. But, I just really love this song. As I said, it's probably always going to be in my favorites. And obviously, it's a reason I chose this exact song. Because it's the first song I know for certain is one of my favorites. I go through songs like a box of chocolate, and I get new favorites all the time. And I fall in love with more songs than I do anything. So, it's sort of a big thing. It's like, I can think of all artists and songs I've loved (and still love) throughout the years, and Inseparable is the only one that's stuck through all times. My belieber friend did surprisingly like it, which was lovely, I guess. You know when you're sharing something that lies near your heart, and you're afraid to share it, because you don't want the person to dislike it. So you hold your breath for a second, gauge the others reaction, and maybe it's a big thing too. Maybe it decides something for you, maybe it's the thing that makes you say yes rather than no.

Oh, alright, enough with vague blabber. I went to bed sort of early yesterday? At 1:00 am, because I was almost dead to the world. I had my first ever lecture in pathology yesterday, and I was almost dozing off. And that was because silly me thought it would be okay to sleep only four and a half hour the night before. I would probably manage with that amount of sleep another day, but this is after I've only slept five hours at top the whole week. So yeah, when you actually feel like your neck is no longer able to hold itself up, you're probably quite sleep deprived (or you might be very ill). To be fair, it's also a bit funny to be sleep deprived, because your humor changes quite drastically - like, everything becomes funny. But it's much more satisfying to sleep. And that's what I did today; slept in. And as I wasn't quite finished with ten hours sleep, I decided to take a nap after breakfast. Which means I slept another three hours. With the curtains wide open, which must mean I was really tired, because I never fall asleep with the light right in my face.

Today is my dad's birthday, which we sort of deliberately "forgot" this morning. And now we're going to bake a cake for him in celebration. I guess we're also celebrating my younger sister acing her oral examination today. And I finished reading another chapter of pathology today. And tomorrow I'm going to hang with my friends (who I sort of see every day anyway) so I'm just really happy? Like, I feel very satisfied. I guess it might have been something to do with the fan fiction I just finished too. I always feel very happy when I've read something beautiful and eye-opening. And when I'm just listening to lovely music (It's Time by Imagine Dragons - oh and now Winter Wonderland by Michael Bublé). Alright, I've gotta get going - gonna go do some squats and whatnot, before I hop in the shower and go bake that cake.

starting to forget the way you look at me

I think I might have a reading addiction. Or rather, an addiction to fan fiction. Oh dear, I really do sabotage myself. I had planned to finish another chapter of pathology today. But seeing as I found a new long (1500 pages on my iPhone) fan fiction, I didn't really get any pathology done. And it's so frustrating, because I know the consequences. Still, I just push the thoughts away, and go ahead and read another fan fiction. But I guess it's a good thing too - I don't know if I would stay sane if I kept reading pathology all the time. And to be completely honest, I think I'd be watching Youtube if it weren't for the fan fictions. I'd still be procrastinating. So I guess I can't be that irritated with myself (and then she goes on and find two new fan fictions for tomorrow. Someone give me a slap please). The fan fiction I read today was really good though. And although the plot line seemed like a cliche, the story ended up quite original. I think reading a predictable book or whatever is the worst thing. It's just so unsatisfying to find nothing other than what you'd expected.  I'm still listening to the live version of One Time. My belieber friend told me Justin doesn't even sing the full song, nor is it acoustic on the Believe Tour. I cannot begin to tell you how disappointed I am. I know he's got his acoustic album and all, but I think it would be great if he did an acoustic version of all his songs. Now, if only someone could tell him to do that, I'd be very happy. I also had the joy to basically stand in the armpit of a lad on the train ride to school today. And the sad thing is that it's not that unusual at all. Although human interaction is lovely sometimes, I do hate the train for this reason. Even if it didn't smell of this lad, and his jacket was fairly nice, and the fact that (I think) he was quite handsome - it just wasn't, well; It's just not so very appealing standing in a full train basically slow dancing with people from all angles. Alright, I think I might go to bed early tonight. Maybe.

give you everything you need, down to my last dime

I'm so appropriate with my pictures (nooooot). Whenever I post a post on my blog I always think: do I really want to post that picture? And most of the time I'm like no. But sometimes I just post before I can decide. And I guess this is one of those times. You see, it's a very artistic photo in black and white, symbolizing that pathology can go fuck itself. Alright, so I've basically decided that I'm going to fail my exam. And I know it's not a really good way to think, but I just can't see how it'll go anything but horrible. Despite this, I did manage to read a whole chapter today. I sort of isolated myself from my friends, because I knew I'd never manage to read as much with them around (sorry, but it's true babes). Also, sitting by the window allows me to daydream - and who would have thought that daydreams can steal so much of your time? Especially if daydreaming is one of your favorite hobbies. Although pathology is draining my happiness these days, the weather is sort of amazing. It's not that warm or anything, but it's just a reminder of spring and warmth. And spring is basically summer to me. On my way home I was listening to Justin Bieber, and I was having doubts about pathology when he sang "everything's gonna be alright". And I was like internally fist bumping, because yes, everything is going to be alright. And then the song switched, and he sang: "I can take you home". And at that point I was trying to hold back a laugh, because wow, isn't it the soundtrack to my life and thoughts? I'm trying to memorize the words to his songs, but now that I've listened to Believe Acoustic, I prefer listening to live versions of songs. I'm currently listening to One Time live, and it's really lovely. It made me smile the whole time when I was sitting at the bus. And the guy opposite of me was staring at me with questions written all over his face. Oh my god, it's actually one week until the concert. And then it's exactly four weeks until One Direction. And it's exactly three months until I turn 20 (oh my god please don't let me turn olderrrrr).

maybe I'll just get drunk and it will all make sense

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
Last month I got myself a Vine (iPhone app), because Lou Teasdale (beloved hairdresser of One Direction) had filmed the lads singing a birthday song to their "tour mummy". And after deciding to download the app myself, I explored a bit. And apparently, everyone has it, but nobody uses it. In which I mean, all the Youtubers I follow have one. Like, everyone. But almost none of them have posted anything. I think it might be a new big thing? I feel so left out of the circle of "hip". (Let's pretend I didn't just write that and used the word "hip"). Anyway, Harry Styles obviously followed the flow (all his friends meaning Grimmy) and made one. And this gif is from it. And I would just like to personally thank Harry Styles for all the time he spends on taking pictures and whatnot of Niall. Like, seriously. Harry, you're a star. I've literally been staring at this gif for minutes. Just because Niall makes me happy, and I like to think that he has a positive effect on the quality of my life. Oh and, I've actually started taking cod liver oil capsules. And that's maybe a little step for a man, but one giant leap for me. In case you didn't know, I hate swallowing capsules and tablets and whatever, because I'm afraid of it getting stuck. But after spending all that time in a nursing home, I realised I better start now, or else I'll never be able to chug 'em down when I'm older. Alright, I'm off to bed.

the devil as he's talking with those angel's eyes

Ladies and gentlemen, this is One Direction, also known as the people currently ruining my life. I really hope this makes the 3D movie too, just because I'm an emotional slob. Basically, it is as Niall says in his speech, you are paying to see five eejits running around a stage. Oh, I can't wait. Today has been a rather non-productive day. My back aches, and I'm trying to drown the pain with chocolate and tea. But none of them will take away the pain entirely. And I'm so annoyed at myself, because I just can't seem to force myself to read pathology. I didn't have any late-night-session yesterday. Oh no, I was busy scrolling down my dashboard on Tumblr. And now I'm looking for another fan fiction to read. Because I really don't want to start reading pathology. I want to read anything but that. I've fallen in love with Us Against the World by Coldplay again. And See You Soon. I just really love Coldplay in general. I sometimes wonder if I'll eventually stop loving music. Maybe I grow old, and it becomes more of a pain, rather than enjoyment. I hope not. I've become really bad at remembering when to eat, like I can't feel when I'm hungry until my blood sugar is on a low. Also, my bladder control is amazing, because I seem to not understand whether I've got to use the loo or if it's just stomach pains. Oh god, I'm so bad at listening to my body. Alright, I'm going to grab some food now, because I think I'm hungry? I don't even know.

I'm the sort of person that spends a huge amount of time thinking. Doesn't really matter what I'm thinking about - whether it's a he, she or it. I just do. Like now, I was just reminiscing back to last year, when I was still in "high school/secondary school/whatever" and I attended this particular class. And this particular class was quite a bit out of my comfort zone. I was just discussing with my Belieber friend yesterday, and I told her that I highly dislike talking about politics. And thing is - that class was a lot of politics. And it even ended up as one of my favorite subjects and the class where I felt I'd learned a huge amount. Thing is, I wasn't supposed to attend that class. I wanted to attend an English class focused on reading literature  as it's one of my biggest love's in this world. But because there weren't nearly enough appliers (applicants?), the school wouldn't fund the class. And so my dreams were shattered - because it was the one think I was looking forward to. It happened to be my math teacher who broke the news, because he was the head of organising classes and such. And I loved that teacher, because he made me love math, and he was an excellent teacher in general. But in that moment I could barely look him in the eye. I was absolutely furious and bristling with unshed tears. I think I remained rather silent for the rest of the day. 

Because I didn't get to attend that class, I had to decide on another, and all the alternatives looked horrible to me - and nothing in my interest. So, basically I just pointed at the one that looked remotely interesting - human geography. And I'm so grateful for it, and I'm glad things happened the way it did. Otherwise I wouldn't have learned as much as I did. Yes, it would be wondrous to read books and discuss them in groups - but somehow I don't think it would enlighten me. It wouldn't necessarily be new information. And human geography was enlightening - it made me think of things I didn't even realise had any say in anything. If you didn't understand the lines, "this particular class" is human geography.

The point about this rant, is that sometimes things happen. And I'm not going to say things happen for a reason, but I will say that sometimes (more than often) those happenings have a really great outcome. You just don't realise, because you don't really think about it. You never do think about how your choices impact you. It's just life, innit? It's weird, because I genuinely think I'd be a different person, had it not been for human geography. It's a bit like change. It's not necessarily a pleasant thing, but it's inevitable, and most of the time it's a good thing. It's just that people often like to clamber onto the known, because they fear the unknown. In Rise of Nine, I found a most lovely quote: "A wise man once told me that only by leaving someone good, can you meet someone better". And well, although the possibility of meeting someone worse is there too, it doesn't mean one shouldn't follow that advice. Alright, that's the lecture for today folks. Have a lovely Saturday!

deep in the cell of my heart I will feel so glad to go

I hate when I have loads to do, and then end up doing nothing. I basically slept in, woke up to continue reading the fan fiction. Oh, and I sat in the sun, so if you'd walk past me now, you'd get a whiff of sun screen.  Anything to battle off that UV-rays, yeah? It dawned on me that the snow will melt. Yes, obviously, snow melts. But, I was just sat in the chair, staring at the sun, and then at the last traces of the snowman my sister and nephew made. And I realised that it wouldn't be long until I'd not see snow in months again. Oh god (facepalm), I really do sound like a weird person. Congratulations to my friend A, who passed her exam in anatomy!! It's always great to have your friends succeed and be happy. Happiness is just very contagious, and (almost) always welcome in my world. I ought to jump in the shower now, and scrub this sun screen off. And I'll possibly do some late-night reading whilst listening to Justin Bieber. I've got to memorise the words to the songs, as it's only eleven days left to the concert. You know, just getting prepared (also I'm a bit scared for my life, because I don't want my death to be in a crowd ..). Usually, I'm so grateful when I wake up at a Friday and think it's a Saturday, because it means I'll have an extra day (in my mind, not technically). But today I wasn't very happy, because I really wanted a piece of chocolate. I'm currently listening to Asleep by The Smiths, and it makes me want to read The Perks of Being a Wallflower again, but I've sort of read it three times now? I'd hate to get tired of it. I think I maybe want to read The Fault in Our Stars again, because it's beautiful. And cancer makes a bit more sense to me now, as I'm reading pathology. Right, getting in that shower now, and oh, the jumper has been knitted by my lovely sister. And I managed to wish for my Christmas present now - I want a Christmas jumper like Colin Firth in Bridget Jones, except I don't actually want that nose on the reindeer. As I asked for this particular jumper, my sister broke down in laughter. 'S just that we both watch Bridget Jones quite regularly - I mean, who doesn't love her stupid ways? Oh, and d'you know, that now that Niall has taken off his braces, everyone is going crazy? And it was so funny, because .. I'm just going to link to it here. Alright, shower.

my head bleeds the words I'll never find

Hi babes. So I decided to take a few photos of myself today. Also known as "selfies". And I realised that I've not posted a picture of an outfit in ages. Probably months and months. At least it feels like it. Today was a rather warm day in my opinion. My friends don't necessarily agree. Nevertheless, I chucked on my Levi's cut off shorts today. And this simple tee (gotta love simple tee's) and my robe. It's not really a robe, but it looks a lot like it, and if it was a bit longer, it totally could have been. Yesterday I decided on not going to school, because I was still knackered at 6:00 am. My limbs just didn't want to cooperate, so I drifted off again. But today I went in, and the lectures were fine. I caught up with J.D. and .. I'm gonna call him Elvis because of his side burns - anyway, yes I caught up with J.D. and Elvis, and it was nice, because I sort of miss my group from the nursing home. But I'm pretty sure we're going to meet up after our exam to celebrate. I've barely read any pathology today. My motivation has seriously gone running off, and I'm about to give up on this exam already. And the lectures haven't even begun. Oh dear. I think I'm going to take the day off, and read a fan fiction I just found (150k words), which reminds me- I keep reading fan fictions, and then I just have to stop because I find a line or something that I fall in love with. I read one called Things Have Gotten Closer to The Sun, and it's basically about dealing with the end of the world. And Harry is chatting with his mum over the phone for the last time. "And then his mum begins to cry, heavy sobs that sound like crashing waves over the telephone line. It’s the sort of cry that only a mother can manage, the sort of cry that happens when they realize that part of their heart is walking around outside of them, on the other side of the world, too far for them to reach". I just found it a bit breathtaking? I don't know. But yeah. I'll probably spend the night reading fan fictions, and then regret it when I'm done, because that means I've wasted precious time. D'you know what's the worst part? It's the fact that I knowingly do it anyway. People, John Green has written yet another book! I'm so excited.

you'll say you love me, and I'll end up lying - and I say I love you, too

The problem with taking a break from reading one day, is that the one day usually stretches out to something like three. And that's a bit stupid when you don't really even have one day. Bah, I've just had absolutely no motivation the last days, and especially today when I slept very poorly. I didn't fall asleep until 1:00 am, because of noise and sleep habits during the holiday. And then I woke up at 3:30 am, because I was overheated. I did the only imaginable - stripped off my clothes and drifted off again. Just to wake up at 4:30 am. I did a bit of Twitter and Instagram, and then I tried forcing myself to drift off again. But at 5:00 am, I'd had enough. So I read a fan fiction until I had to wake up at 6:00 am. And now I'm knackered, and I sort of don't want to go to school tomorrow. The pictures are from the past days. I jokingly said to my sister that we should go for a walk everyday. But she nodded rather seriously, and, now we've been on a walk every day basically. It was very nice, and the weather nowadays is lovely. I keep waiting for it to be like hah, you thought spring was coming? Nope, welcome the snow back! My siblings went home today, so it's a bit empty in the house. I probably won't be seeing them until summer, and, well. Although it seems like a long time, it really isn't. Not when I am preoccupied with studying for my exam and other school work. And, oh, did I mention that I'm attending a Justin Bieber concert this month? Well - I am. And then I'm going to a One Direction concert in May. The same month I'll finish my exam. And then it's June, which basically means it's summer. So, yeah, not long at all actually. The title from this post is from Doing It Wrong by Drake. And lyrically, I'm pretty sure it's my favorite Drake song (I have listened to it 104 times, whereas I've only listened to Shot For Me 26 times).

I search my skin for the entry point where love went in and ricocheted

“He is the baby of the group but people seem to forget that because of the way that he is and that he is so charming. So it is a little bit upsetting sometimes if you see him with the weight of the world on his shoulders. It does annoy us a bit. He’s a young kid and people are just giving him grief for no reason.” Zayn Malik.