fly up to the surface and just start again

Whenever I haven't been able to sleep this past week, I've been browsing my Instagram feed. And as you might have gathered, I've been loving handstands and yoga lately. Why am I so fascinated? I realised, it's because to me, it's another form of art. Human bodies is one of the most fascinating things I know of, and being able to control it, being able to pull what seems like unnatural poses whilst being calm and breathing normally, that's amazing. Also along with the positive community, it's not that big of a hardship to fall in love with it. I saw this post last night on Instagram before bed, I think. And I was just so surprised yet unsurprised by what he'd written: "When you love yourself you start to see better for yourself: Better food, better love, better friends, better health, better experiences". To love yourself isn't a given. To be fair, the society (which, in the end is all of us) sometimes seem like it's purpose is to make us hate ourselves. So imagine that, being born, vulnerable and fragile, and being thrown into a world that wants to make you hate yourself for not being that perfect idolized person. That doesn't only mean the idolized body type, but it's being great at social skills, do great at school, be successful, being that perfect A4-person. Sometimes you're lucky, and you seem to have extra layers, like an onion. Extra protection. Others aren't that lucky. For years, I did wish to be better, different. I'd want to change this and that. And I'm not saying I don't have days I feel like that now. However, reading what DeAndre wrote, really made me realise that I'm on and have been on the road of self-love for a long time. Years. Through time, I've learned to accept things and eventually started loving those things. And that feeling, realising that, is such a good taste of what's to come. Life is hard, it's the fucking hardest thing. Personally, I keep having to remind myself that where there's bad, there's also good. I need to believe in good things, because if not, then what else is there? I have plenty of days where all I can see is the bad things. But when I can see past that, see the good things, like this morning, it's really fucking great. Coincidentally, the sun is out, and I can't stop smiling.