let your heart be light

We went a bit crazy with decorating our ginger biscuits last night. Think we sat for two hours or summat, in deep concentration. In the end we practically just splashed on everything we could find. None of us had even had a taste of one biscuit, and Kiwi said: "I don't even think I like them". Marble was a perfect host as per usual and served us food, which we enjoyed whilst chatting about golden days. I've spent a lot of my years of "growing up" with the same people, which means we can reminisce and laugh at all the stupid things we've done. We drank (Scandinavian) mulled wine, and listened to Christmas music. It was just really nice. Sugar went home with some of her ginger biscuits, and the rest of us continued the decorating. At 11:00 pm or summat, we were finally done and decided to grab all the snacks and some biscuits to watch a film. We had planned to watch Bridget's Diaries, but the DVD player didn't want to play it. So we ended up watching Elf, which I personally think is hilarious, but you should only watch it once a year probably. At the end of the night I felt a bit like Buddy: like I had only eaten sugar all day. We were all quite exhausted by the ginger biscuit making, but then Kiwi and I got a message that our new "praksis" was revealed, which made us all jittery and loud. I kept repeating "oh my god". I don't know how to feel about my new "praksis", all I know is that I don't really want to go back to "praksis". But then I'd have to interrupt my education now, probably. And I don't think I want to do that after all these years. This morning, whilst we had breakfast, we watched cross country skiing. And it's the first time I've watched it this year. I feel all out of the loop, because I've not been updated on cross country skiing or handball, which I usually am around this time of year. I guess the exam is getting all of my attention (not really). Tonight I'm going to catch up on X Factor, though I must admit that I'm not yearning to watch it, like I have previously. So maybe it's starting to wane off finally? Maybe I'll be able to stop watching it. All I've done since I walked home (my goodness it's so slippery outside), is to clean my bedroom, listen to Christmas CD's and writing this post. So, I've not been very productive, seeing as it's been almost three hours since I got home. I am going to continue write notes for my exam soon, just have to get some food, probably. It's definitely not a way for me to procrastinate more. Happy Sunday, and happy Advent for the ones who celebrate that. Eee, it's first of December tomorrow, which means I can open my tea calendar! 

if you wanna cry or fall apart, I'll be there to hold you

Good morning! I had been dreading for school yesterday, because we were supposed to do a few exercises with some medical students. It turned out to be quite fun, and it was really realistic. In the end though, my head was full, and my body was tired. It's just not good for your body to be doing a lot of activities whilst you're stressing, and when you in addition are cold. Because all of those factors will tap you for energy. Which is what it did to me. As soon I was dressed in proper clothes, I went to the train station with my belieber friend. Well, I had to run the last bit because I was running a bit late. And to my horror, the earlier train was really late, which means there would be even more people on the train I was going to take. Eventually I did find a free seat, which happened to be next to what I suspect were two Irish people. I totally turned off my music just to listen to them talk. I was home for just over half an hour, in which I managed to eat some food and pack with my camera. Then I was off to take the bus again, and met up with Oyster and our fellow childhood friend at the grocery store. We went back to Oyster's house, and just chilled really. Last week I sort of realised it's been awhile since I'd been to Oyster's, and I knew they were about to move really soon, so I wanted to pop by. Time passes so quickly, and at the moment I'm more out of the loop than usual. I can't remember the dates, and I'm not so sure I'm always aware of which day it is. I think it's just revising for the exam, which has made my brain in to mush. Oh well, we just had a catch up for a bit, and myself and Oyster played doctor to our friend who had stomach aches. We also had a little picnic outside Oyster's bedroom, because her younger brother pleaded us to come along. An interesting thing he said, when asked how he got out of his mum's stomach, was: "I found a short-cut". It was hilarious, I thought. Still makes me laugh, just thinking of it. On a whim, we decided that we were going to the new house to bring a few bits, but also to get a tour of the house. Our fellow friend, who just got her driving licence were going to drive us. I got to say hello to her (or, which used to be hers) dog, who I've not seen in years probably. She even remembered me, and she's grown so much. I was almost cooing, where I was stood switching between petting the dog, and talking to my friend's gran. It was also really nice just to be back in the house where I spent a lot of my childhood. I like to think I have a lot of different childhood homes, really. We didn't stay long, because then we went to fetch her gran's car, filled the car with bags of clothing and boxes of stuff. Then we drove off to the new house. And my goodness, it's humongous. I can't remember how many rooms there is in the house. They're currently refurbishing the house, so I won't properly get to see how it really will be until it's done. Though, I do believe it'll take some time until they really feel like it's "home", which is only natural. But this means I'll no longer see their old house, which is really strange. After being at the new house, we went for a little exploration of a new school which looked properly high tech in my opinion. I went home last night, after demanding that Oyster would make me this and this amongst all the things I demanded. She denied my wishes, and I stomped home like an angry child. (That's not really what happened, but let's roll with the story of me being a devilish child). I do have to say that taking a bus at 11:30 pm at a Friday evening is not a good decision if you're looking for a calm and peaceful environment. Jeez, I could barely hear my own thoughts, as the teenagers were practically shouting. I got home at midnight, and promptly went to bed, because although it was a bloody fantastic day, it was also a very tiresome day. Today I'm going to Marble's, because she's hosting a Christmas workshop/party thing, and I reckon it'll be ace. Can't wait to listen to jolly music, bake, and make bunting. Monchita just dropped off a bar of my favourite chocolate. It's things like this which makes me think she's my favourite sister. Happy Saturday everyone xx. 

Darling when your feet are cold, wait up, I'm coming home. And all of you, I will hold. My love will clothe your bones

This is after Niall said he's usually the big spoon, and then Harry said he's usually the small spoon. I have so much love for Narry, it's wild. It's just hard to not smile when they are so delightful. I forget sometimes how much I enjoy it when the lads are doing promo, and Niall and Harry do interviews together. Those are the best (obviously a subjective opinion because they are my favourites). In one of the interviews I watched this morning, they stumbled across the topic of hot men. Amongst the names that were mentioned was Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Gosling, and McSteamy. The latter is incorrect, because they were talking about Patrick Dempsey, who is McDreamy. When they talked about meeting Gosling, Harry said "I haven't been graced with his presence, but we wish him all the best with his recent childbirth". I swear, he's almost thinks about babies as much as I do. As you might have noticed, I'm all about Harry's fashion sense when he's in the UK, not so much when he's around the rest of the world. But I must admit that it's definitely a yes from me for these jeans. Also, continuing this babble about One Direction-- in answer to who Steal My Girl is about, Liam answered: "Niall has a habit of just stealing girls". They really do enjoy making up rumours about him, and some are probably going to take it seriously. I think Niall's hairgame was better at the ARIAs than the AMAs, mostly because when he's got longer hair, I like it better down. Or, actually I think I just generally like it when he has it down. I think Louis' hairgame was stronger at the AMAs. Totally loved the swirly hair. I think Zayn looks heaven-sent most of the time. Niall and Katy (Perry) were cute as always. I will always appreciate their relationship, sweet munchkins. Also, this is Harry whistling after Taylor's (Swift) speech at the AMAs. I'm very conflicted as to if I want Haylor back together, or for Narry to finally see that they belong together. Also, here's Narry sharing a hug after fans have been throwing things at the lads, and Niall being sour about it. Haz then proceeds to announce that he'll be Niall's shield. The only twosome cuter than Narry, is Sir Ian McKellen and Sir Patrick Stewart, who are honestly the cutest best friends ever, probably. Alright, I've had my daily dose of One Direction now, and I can got to bed, only to get up early for school tomorrow. Should probably start saying "ah, home, sweet, home" each time I enter school, because it does seem like where I spend most of my time nowadays. Oh, it snowed today, like more than just ten minutes. I'm so chuffed, and so ready to get into holiday spirits. Right, must go to bed. 

the bed's getting cold and you're not here

Verden er i krig hver eneste dag. Jeg tror ikke jeg har innsett det før nå. Når du har om verdenshistorien på videregående, tenker du ja, det er historien. Det er vi ferdig med. Men alt er jo historie. Om noen tiår vil nye skoleelever sitte og pugge om det som skjedde 21århundre. Om noen tiår vil det bli lagd en film om Mike Brown og Ferguson. I går ble det avgjort at Wilson, som er politimannen som drepte Brown, ikke blir tiltalt for drapet. Det skapte forståelig nok mye emosjoner, og enkelte ble spesielt ivrige. Jeg leste et sted at de fleste syntes egentlig ikke at avgjørelsen var overraskende. Det, tror jeg sier mye om situasjonen i USA. Jeg håper inderlig på en rettferdig avgjørelse, at det blir en rettsak. Men det er opp til de føderale nå. For akkurat nå er Wilson fritatt, og enda en hvit politimann slipper unna med et drap av en afroamerikaner. En av de tingene jeg ønsker at folk skal lære fra hele mediaoppslaget rundt dette, er at media er den fjerde statsmakt. De avslører løgner, men de er også med på å skape løgner. Jeg så på nyhetene i går, og alt jeg så om Ferguson var opprørene der bygninger var ofre for vandalisme. Nyhetene viser ikke de stille og kontrollerte protestene. Nyhetene er med på å sette de protesterende i et dårlig lys, og dermed gjør det mye enklere for politiet og si "men de startet det, de er helt umulige å kontrollere. Stakkars oss som må utsette oss for all denne volden og vandalismen". De blir rett og slett mer troverdige, og folk tror på deres skitne ord. Det er akkurat slik som at for deg, selv om du kanskje ikke innser det, så synes du at det er mye greiere at den som blir drept er en som selger narkotika, enn den personen som går sitt siste år på medisinstudiet. Tv kan være manipulerende, tro det eller ei. Vær kritisk til alt. Som sagt er verden i krig; vet du at min første assosiasjon med Mexico er korrupsjon? Det er fælt, men det er sannheten. De har slitt med det i årevis, og hvem vet når det blir slutt. I slutten av september ble 48 studenter kidnappet i Mexico. De hadde planlagt å ha en stille protest. 5 klarte å rømme, men resten ble levert til et narkotikakartell og tilsynelatende torturert til døden. Og hvem stod bak dette? Nei, det var jo staten, regjeringen. De har nektet å ta ansvaret slik som jeg har forstått det, og det har ført til et utbrudd av protester, hovedsakelig stille. Men som sagt er det et land som sliter med korrupsjon, og noen av de opprørerne som stadig blir tatt bilde av, det er mennesker som jobber for staten og har kledd seg ut som en av de som protesterer. De "stager" rett og slett et angrep mot staten for å få sympati fra resten av verden, for å vinne troverdighet. Husk at media velger å skrive om det som tiltrekker mest publikum, at de velger det som er mest dramatisk. John Mayer har en passende sang som heter Waiting On The World to Change, der han synger: "when you trust your television, what you get is what you got. Cause when they own the information, they can bend it all they want". 

FOUR

I've been a fan of One Direction since 2012, but they've existed since they got put together on X Factor UK in 2010. And during the four years they've been together, they have released four albums, which coincidentally happens to be one of the reasons for why their newest addition is called FOUR. During the live stream Harry said that the previous albums had names that followed a pattern, but this album is a bit different, more of a statement. So they felt it was natural to have a title that was more bold. Despite previously releasing three albums, it might have taken them this long to find "their" sound. They've said multiple times that this is an album that they would listen to themselves, and I'm not so sure they could have stated the same with their previous albums. In a review by Victoria Patneaude, she wrote: "While 2013's Midnight Memories hinted to the direction the quintet was leaning towards, it wasn't as coherent of a piece, genre jumping with each track". I thought that was brilliantly written, because it's true. Midnight Memories is a very confusing album. Even more confusing I thought, was when the lads kept saying MM had "a more mature sound" when it sounded very alike their previous albums. When I first heard FOUR, I was very surprised by the fact that it sounded like a proper put-together album. That being said, I have (and do) loved their previous albums, and I think it's strategically smart to change their sound slowly, because they would probably lose a lot of fans if they went from the sound of Up All Night til' FOUR. Though it is a much more coherent album, Patneaude stated about Steal My Girl that: "as the first single, it is very misleading to what actually follows". Traditionally, I think musicians would choose a single based on something that would represent their whole record. I might be wrong, so don't quote me on that. But Steal My Girl is perhaps the ugly duckling in this record, not meaning that it's horrible, it's just different. Liam and Louis seems to have been very involved in the writing process, which they also were last time around. As I've mentioned earlier on this blog, after watching the live stream I was surprised to learn that the boys in fact are very aware of the opinions of their fans. One of the most interesting things, about having a physical copy of their CD's, is to read the thank you notes. I don't know of any other artist that writes so detailed thank you's. They thank their body guards, caterer, vocal coach, etcetera. And they never forget to thank the fans, which I think might be one of those things I'll remember them for. All in all, I think this album is brilliant, and it is a statement as Harry pointed out. I own a physical copy of the CD, and it's even apparent in the design that they've changed their style. For instance, the CD is blue rather than red. Admittedly I only own all of the extended versions, so the colours might differ from the normal CD's. Anyway, it's a coherent album, and the songs are more guitar-based, which will be brilliant for their tour(s). I must say though, that the extended version, with the four added songs sort of ruins the coherent sound of the album. I am honestly a bit confused to as why they chose that concoction of songs. It is incoherent, and confusing. Below I will write a commentary to all of the songs on the album, maybe point out my favourites, and the ones I'm not so very fond of. 

Steal My Girl. As I've mentioned it is a very misleading lead single. I wish I could remember my initial reaction to this song, like my thoughts on it. All I know is that I was very surprised by the song, as it is quite different from their previous songs. However still "poppy", which I think was the reason behind why they chose it as a single-- so it could be a bridge from their previous work to their new sound. Admittedly it's not one of my favourites from the album, which might be because of the lyrics: "find another one 'cause she belongs to me". A woman, or girl in this case, is not a possession, and therefore can't "belong" to someone. I do understand that the boys or the other writers probably didn't have the intention to give the song that message, but still. I enjoy it when people with power do good things with it. Despite all this, you'll most likely hear me belt out the lyrics to the song anyway.

Ready To Run. This was the third song to be released from the album, and it was such different sound from the lead single, it took me a bit time to understand where they were going with their sound. The chorus reminds me of watching a Disney movie where the protagonist is getting ready to fight the horrible and invincible enemy. But I do actually quite enjoy it, and I do always sing along to it. One of my favourite part of this song is actually the end of it, and I wish Zayn would continue the song and end it in adlibs and whatever he wants to do with his voice.

Where The Broken Hearts Go. This was the fourth song to be released, but I heard a very bad quality version of this song right after Ready To Run had been released. I heard the first verse of it and I fell in love with it. I was sure it was Harry singing the first verse, but it was pointed out for me that it was in fact Niall. As he is my favourite, I instantly became more fond of the song. I will admit that I'm still a bit unsure about who sings what in this song. It is an upbeat song that gives me similar feelings to when I listen to Loved You First from Take Me Home. And because Harry wrote the song, I'm just going to believe that it's about Taylor. I look forward to singing and dancing (I've made a dance routine already. Joke) along to at their gig (only seven months to go, then), as I'm 97,8% sure they'll perform it.

18. I love Ed Sheeran if you didn't already know. I think he writes brilliant lyrics, but that might just be me romanticising him as a lyricist because I adore him. Once I read "18" at their track list, I knew Sheeran was the writer behind the song. It's always a bit funny to have the lads sing a song by Sheeran, because they switch over to a British accent. It was a bit perplexing the first time I heard the song, and Niall sing "chance" in a rather British accent. I hope someone asks him about it one day. I read somewhere that this song was clichéd, and could have been swapped out. I disagree, because I think that most songs are clichés, and they happen to work anyway. Also, I think it has a really nice build-up, and I am crossing my fingers that they'll perform the song on tour. 

Girl Almighty. This is one of the songs I restrained myself from listening to once the album was leaked. According to Kiwi it wasn't the greatest either, so I figured I wouldn't like it anyway. When I first heard this song, I was standing with a box of cake in my hand, waiting for the metro with a full bladder that was about to explode. Can't say I was very impressed by the song, but it might also have just been the situation. I've listened to it a few more times now, and I must admit that I have taken a liking to it. Despite the fact that the lyrics are unimpressive, the melody is all over the place, and Liam doesn't properly enunciate in the first verse--- I find myself bopping my head along to it (and belt the wrong lyrics out). The repeating lyrics might be unimpressive, but works in my favour, as it's much easier to remember the words. My favourite part is when the second verse starts, because I really like when Louis sings with his raspy voice. I also appreciate Liam's falsetto. 

Fool's Gold. This song is a bit like chocolate melting on your tongue, I think. Like the first verse, when Niall is crooning, it feels a bit like floating on water. Very relaxing. I am in love with the lyrics, because I think it's an important theme. It's also very angst-y, and reminds me of the song Harry wrote for Ariana Grande (Just A Little Bit of Your Heart), and The Heart Wants What It Wants by Selena Gomez. In fact it reminds me of all the other songs about unrequited love. "I knew that you turn it on for everyone you met. But I don't regret falling for your fool’s gold". And my goodness, I do love all the sad love-songs. This song feels a bit like FOUR's More Than This, when I think of it. But yes, I feel very calm when I listen to it.

Night Changes. This is their second single, which first baffled me because it's really slow. Not that they haven't ever used slow songs as singles, but I don't necessarily think it's the outstanding tune of all their slow ones. However it somehow reminds me of Christmas, especially the part where Liam sings his falsetto-part. I think that is sometimes sounds like something that could be on Love Actually or a John Lewis advert. It is really beautiful though, and I think it's good for all of their voices. There's just something about Harry crooning "I'm only getting older baby, and I've been thinking about you lately". Think they did good live for the first time as well, and all the other times they've performed it. I really love Zayn's voice in this song, especially when he sings the bridge, and he always looks so breathtaking when he sings it (well, he looks breathtaking most of the time). 

No Control. "Taste on my tongue. I don't want to wash away the night before". Someone wrote that this was a bit racy song, and I didn't realise until I had read that. But I figured that it could be very innocent song, despite that line, so I went to read through the lyrics, and now I'm not so sure there's "[...] still a trace of innocence". Lol. The first time I listened through the album, this was one of the songs that surprised me the most, because it's a bit different, isn't it? It's a bit edgier, like Niall explained this album. I can't pick point what exactly, which frustrates me, but it sounds so good. I guess it sort of reminds me of a mix of The Killers and someone else. And I am totally on-board with that. It's probably good my music taste is so wide, or else I might'n't have liked this.

Fireproof. I can't listen to this song without thinking of "praksis" now, as it's around that time I listened to it on repeat every day. According to my iTunes I've listened to it over 200 times, which must mean that I like it? It's my (and a lot of others) first taste of FOUR, and I was gladly surprised to hear the change of direction. I do really enjoy the simple production, which I guess can come off as a bit boring, as it's almost the same throughout the song. Whenever I listen to it, I can't help but think that it's about Louis and Eleanor, who have been together for years now, "it's been so long, maybe we're fireproof. Cause nobody saves me, baby, the way you do". In the live stream, Louis and Liam said that they were proudest of this song. Kudos to them for writing so much and having so much musical input. 

Spaces. It's a song about a theme that sort of hits home. Someone on Tumblr wrote "what if it's about them and splitting up". Obviously it's not, but it definitely put a picture in my head, which I can't get rid off now. Especially as Niall sings "who's gonna be the first to say goodbye?", because he's probably their biggest fan, and I don't think he ever wants One Direction to be over. Now I can't stop imagining Niall begging the boys to stay together and crying, which, I don't think I want that in my head, thanks. It is admittedly yet another slow song, which I must admit is really surprising. They've not had this many slow songs on an album before?

Stockholm Syndrome. This is another of my favourites. I love it. It's simply straight up my street, my cup of tea, etcetera. They only sing the words Stockholm Syndrome once, which is Niall's part, and it's my favourite part. It is also the only part I know the lyrics of, ha. There's just the vibe of the song, which is quite 80's, which again hits home with me. It's a bit strange because it's Liam who sings the bridge, which is unusual for them.

Clouds. Along with No Control, this was one of the songs that surprised me the most. And I bloody love this song. It gets me really pumped up. Yet again, I can't point out what this reminds me of, but Green Day has been mentioned upon describing this song somewhere. I'm not so sure, because I don't listen much to Green Day. But it strangely reminds me a bit of Jonas Brothers' self titled album, which was a bit punk. Clouds is a bit punk-rock, I think, and I know it must sound strange that I love that, but I do. Also yes please to all the falsetto by Liam Payne. And I really enjoy the guitars in this song. I am curious as to how they decided on the name of the song though, as they've only mentioned Clouds twice in the song.

Change Your Ticket. My first thought was 1975. I've seen that none of 1975 have been credited, which I found strange. I can remember them being in studio together, but what I gather from Twitter is: "Lots of you have been asking if "change your ticket" was written by @the1975. Truth is @Truman_Black looked at helping out on it but @the1975 tour schedule got in the way and we couldn't make it work. X". Though it's not by 1975 it's highly influenced from their sound, might I say a rip-off? If they perform this song they should invite the 1975 to perform with them, probably. I know that Harry Styles (who was very vocal) really enjoy 1975's self titled album. As do Niall. From the extended version, this is one of my favourite songs. But it's also one of my favourites overall. I mean, I do love the 1975, which only makes it natural for me to enjoy this song too. Surprisingly, I actually know a lot of the words to this song.

Illusion. I'm quite neutral about this song, but it's probably the only song from the deluxe version that fits properly with FOUR. During the live stream Liam explained that the song is actually about himself and his girlfriend Sophia. However he didn't write it, he pointed out. In which Harry jokingly quipped that Niall had written it (Harry always like to make up rumours about Niall, though "Niall is pregnant" lacked a bit of credibility). Not everyone understood that it was a joke, but I mean, they have been spending a lot of time together it seems: Niall, Liam and Sophia (or should I say Sophniam). 

Once In A Lifetime. Though this is also one of the songs that doesn't sound a lot like the rest of FOUR, I really love it. It's got a similar sound to Coldplay, and therefore I was instantly drawn to it the first time I heard it. Even the first word Liam sings, "once" sounds strikingly similar to Chris Martin. I hope Chris Martin has heard the song, and that he does a cover someday. I genuinely think this song could easily fit in Ghost Stories by Coldplay. It ends with "Once in a lifetime you were mine", which is just a bit sad innit? In the future, I hope that they'll make more songs like this one.  

Act My Age. What the fuck did I just listen to, was my first thought after listening to this song. Admittedly I had heard a piece of it just before the album was released. It was accidental, because I was watching a video that I thought was promo for their Christmas special with NBC. I didn't realise it was their song until I heard them singing the words: "Act My Age", and true to the things I've been reading, it's does sound like "pirate pop". I have listened to it quite a few times, because I wanted to write something proper about it. I suggest you listen to the song when you read the following: 00:00-0:46 Sounds like an Irish jig-song, or as they fans have said: Pirate pop. 0:47-0:59 switched over to dubstep, which reminds me of Ylvis. 1:00-1:36 back to the jig and pirate pop. 1:37-2:00 ah, the good old dubstep again. 2:01-2:16 hello Irish jig and pirate pop, I missed you. 2:17-2:33 sounds like the bridge of a Christmas song that belongs in Love Actually. 2:34-2:45 the only part that sounds like a proper song, I guess. 2:46-2:59 hiya dubstep! 3:00-and the rest of the song: ends with the same as it started: Irish jig and pirate pop. I can't believe the lyrics either: "when I'm fat and old and my kids thinks I'm a joke". I mean, wow, very good. A+++. Surely the boys must have been off their rocks to choose this song to include in the album? The only relief I feel with this song, is that none of the boys have been involved of making it. The worst part is that I now know all of the lyrics, and I can't stop laughing each time I hear it. If they do decide to perform this song, I expect them to dress up like little elves or summat. 

It's hard, the days just seem so dark. The moon, the stars are nothing without you

Hiya, I've fucking finally handed in my paper. I can't say it's perfect (soooo not), but I couldn't be arsed to put more work than needed. Hopefully it'll be approved so I won't have to re-do it. To be fair, I've not spent a lot of days working on it, but I grew so tired of it so quickly. This makes me a bit worrisome, because next year I'm going to spend two months (more probably) on a lone paper. I'm going to get sick of it before I even start writing, probably. So I've been looking at pictures of One at the AMA's yesterday, and my goodness, they're all bloody idiots. My favourite part of the lads at the AMA's is this picture of Harry with a random man on his lap. It also gives me life to see that he's sitting beside Louis' stepdad and mum, because I like to think that all the lads sort of shares parents. I like to think that they're all a big happy family, and that there are rainbows and roses everywhere. Another thing that gives me life is a video Niall posted on Instagram with himself and members of 5SOS. I have always thought that Niall could be the fifth member, and that he fits right in. I think it's obvious that he loves the boys, and that the love is mutual. Strangely, this made me remember my strange dream. In my dream I was looking for a hotel, which I think I had won a stay at. I was walking with someone I can't remember, looking for the hotel, and I was sure it was up the hill. But when we arrived there, I realised I was wrong. So I used Stay.com as per usual, and I found that we'd gone the complete opposite way. The hotel was supposedly by the water, but the walk there seemed more like walking through the forest. In the end we found our "luxury" hotel, which seemed like a run-down hotel filled with teens partying, with a weird Chinese restaurant and a ongoing wedding. As I said, it was weird. When I got home from work yesterday, I was really tired and I had a headache. So mostly, I was just watching television. I watched British Bakeoff, which was interesting. I ended up spending about an hour on my paper yesterday, mostly just thinking. Not so much writing, which is why I spent so much time on it today. Because I didn't get a chance to watch X Factor on Saturday, I had a marathon yesterday, and I watched week 5. My goodness, I did not think it was fair for Paul Akister to be booted off the show after performing Clown brilliantly. Akister has never been one of my favourites, but it's still really sad to see people go. And it was so hard to watch when he was booted off, because he was so devastated. It totally made me weep and shout angry things at the telly. To be fair, I've never been such a big fan of Jay James, who sang against Akister in the sing-off. I think he did mediocre in the sing-off. I've just never understood the hype and the love for his voice. But that's just how it is, I guess. It was an emotional episode. Even Simon Cowell was shedding some tears. Oh dear, now I'm getting all emotional again. Don't you think I didn't see a bit of Louis (Tomlinson) in the background of week five's episodes then? He's always there. They also performed, and it was really nice to see them back there, because they all become so goofy. Especially Louis. I loved it when they all ganged up on Dermot, ah. Right, I might just chill for the rest of this evening. Then I'm going to spend the next day frantically writing notes to prepare for my exam. The upcoming weekend will perhaps be my last relaxing weekend. 

you ran your finger down my back, and you spelled out your name

My current mood is miffed. Writing papers are usually alright. But this fucking paper is asking for so many bloody things. Also, finding a good research article is a bitch. I spent an hour or more yesterday, trying to find a suitable one. I found none, which made me really annoyed, and therefore I didn't do as much of work on my paper as I'd like. It is a bit of a problem, because I would like to have sent it to my teacher within this Sunday, so I can go back to revising for my exam. It is very unlikely that it'll happen though. Agh, right now I have a serious urge to hit something. Instead I'm just listening to a playlist called: "HAHAHA f*** you" which I thought was very suitable for my mood. I'll just have to do as much as I can today and tomorrow (and Monday probably), if I don't decide that I'll take the day off tomorrow, which is what I usually do on my Sundays nowadays. Except I've got work tomorrow, which happens once a month these days. Yay, I feel like such a great employee. I'm sort of looking forward to see my patients though, see how they're doing. I've been awful at taking pictures lately, and I've even brought my camera with me for the past week, but I've not taken one picture. I am very close to start feeling very cheery for Christmas. I keep singing Christmas songs in my head, and I can't wait to decorate, and I can't wait for next week when we're having a Christmas workshop at Marble's. That's gonna get me into the spirits probably. Ah no, must not think of it anymore. Blah. Tonight's episode of X Factor must be watched tomorrow after work, which means I'll probably not get much done on my paper tomorrow. I have requested my brother to buy me chocolate, as I realised there's none in the house. Goodness gracious, it'll be bloody great once I'm done with this hellish paper. segsuieoitgtølsfeptriegnbjdkflsørgiergunhernklselsaøaøaergujegkbbnsdfgksergiersgiigeuiuhssrfrfer. 

This is me praying that this was the very first page, not where the story line ends. My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again

Hello darlings! I was actually productive at school for once today. I suspect it might have been related to the amount of hours that I slept. There's nothing that beats a good sleep. When I got to school I was going to watch One Direction on Ellen before the lecture started. But then my belieber friend came, and then the lecture started. And like, for once in twenty lectures, I didn't go on Instagram during the lecture. Barely touched my phone, except for checking the time. Because we got out of the lecture a bit late, our usual table was already occupied by a lone guy that had taken Kiwi's place. But we sat down there anyway, as it's spacious. My belieber friend and I did chat quite a bit, but a lot of it was school-related things. I've still got a lot to go, and the paper is due on Tuesday. But I'm pleased with my effort today. Because I didn't really go on my phone either, except for when I was chatting with Sally, who asked me to come to the cafe where she had escaped to. I declined, knowing I wouldn't get much work done if I went to sit with her. That doesn't mean I didn't want to. What I am most impressed about is the fact that I didn't watch One Direction on Ellen or Jimmy Kimmel before I got home. That's very unlike me, ha. God that must say a lot about me, doesn't it-- I prioritise One Direction before school. I shouldn't be surprised myself, seeing how many times I've almost jeopardised my exams these past years due to 1D. "What are you going to do tomorrow?" my belieber friend asked me, and I answered that I was going to work on my paper. It is a bit strange to be working on a paper, I think, because it feels like all I've been doing for the past four weeks have been reading. Well, it's not exactly untrue. I have just finished going through my Tumblr dashboard. There's been so much activity on there lately due to One Direction releasing their new album, and therefore doing a lot of promo. Can barely keep up with where they are anymore. Think they're still in America somewhere, charming new people. I think they're going to perform at some award show soon. Either in America or Australia. They were all squished up in a sofa together on Ellen, which is how they should always be. Harry has been walking around looking like a model. Niall has been out in his ripped jeans, showing off his stick-legs and just generally been delectable. Another person that has been looking good as of late, is Swifty in mostly black, which is my favourite colour at the moment. I don't know why I threw her into the mix (maybe I want to point out how she reminded me a bit of Harry in those pictures, and that I think they are both in Los Angeles at the moment, and maybe I just want them to rekindle their fierce love and become a power couple) (God everyone was at the 1975 gig yesterday! Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, Ellie Goulding, Lou Teasdale, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik.. maybe the rest of the band?). I am hopefully going to work more on my paper now, then eat some crisps. Because I want to. Have a good evening, and Friday xx. 

when I close my eyes all the stars align and you are by my side

Around this time last year, I was visiting Ale for a few days. It's one of the best trips I've taken, I think, because I was having the time of my life. I spoke with Ale today, and confessed that I would have loved to be visiting her right now. Only, I'm broke. It's probably not a very good idea either, considering the exam and all the other school work I have. But still, I wouldn't mind, probably. I had a bit of a strange day at school today, I think. I hadn't slept enough, which means I was yawning very often. I was also staring into space quite frequently too. For some reason I was also very nervous for our presentation today. It's like I couldn't think of anything else, which made my heart beat faster. My hands felt cold, like I'd held them beneath cold water or summat. Luckily everyone in my group felt rather nervous. I was nervous and tired, which made me laugh at everything Molly (yes new names because there's constantly new people) said. In the end she asked about it, and I just shrugged, "over-tired". I quite like my study group, and my current group. We get along pretty well, and I just thought it was a bit funny, because we were sat at our (Kiwi's really) usual table: Kiwi, Ingrid, Molly, my belieber friend, Manja and I. And I was just thinking "ah, how nice, it feels like my family is expanding". It was a strange thought. Anyway, our presentation went well, though my hands were shaking with nerves. For the first time in what feels like ages, I went home straight after my school obligations were done. I've sort of finished reading what I want to read of curriculum, so I figured I'd come home to write that paper I sort of started on the other day. Haven't really done that, have I? No, I've chose to read a fan fiction. Just like I did yesterday when I got home: instead of rehearsing for my presentation today, I read the last chapter of a fan fiction I've been following since June. It's sort of about being depressed and being in denial of being that, and just dealing with depression. It's really fucking good, and I'm probably going to read it again and again (and again). Other than reading fan fiction, I exercised, had a shower, ate, and had a cup of tea. The latter almost felt luxurious after days where I've not been able to drink tea, due to the late hour when I finally find time to sit down and relax. I am going to get ready for bed now, as I've got an early morning tomorrow. And I do not want a repeat of today, thanks. 

all the scrapes on our knees will tell you where we've been, where we have bled

Dagene mine består av å lese, lese og atter mer lesing. Det er nesten så jeg knapt husker noe annet som har skjedd den siste måneden. Det bekymrer meg litt, tanken på at alle dager går i ett, at jeg kanskje ikke utnytter livet mitt til det fulle. Jeg har på følelsen av at jeg kanskje burde vært på en bar på en lørdagskveld i stedet for å sitte i sofaen og se på X Factor. Samtidig tror jeg at hvis jeg virkelig hadde ønsket det, så hadde jeg gjort det. Jeg synes det er feil å tenke at man alltid skal gjøre noe spennende i livet dersom man ikke ønsker det. Gjør det som gjør deg lykkelig, det er alltid ett fint motto. Men det er jo også et fryktelig ukomplisert motto som ikke alltid passer livet som er langt fra ukomplisert. Selv om mine dager stort sett går til lesing, så kan jeg ikke klage. Mitt nye hjem er innerst i kantina på skolen, der jeg tilbringer mange(!) timer med medstudentene mine. Og selv om jeg vet at jeg har en veldig viktig eksamen om akkurat fire uker, så er min livskvalitet på topp. Dette er en av de siste stundene mine som sykepleiestudent, og jeg akter å nyte de så mye jeg kan. For jeg vet at dagen jeg er ferdig med disse studiene, da kommer jeg til å savne disse lange dagene fylt med latter og noe som likner delir. I dag var et prakteksemplar av disse dagene. Hodet mitt var i ferd med å briste av informasjon da jeg forsøkte å forstå renin-angiotensin-aldosteron systemet, også kjent som RAAS. Jeg måtte ta en pause tilslutt, da det føltes ut som om jeg skulle besvime. Men det skyldtes vel mer at jeg ikke hadde spist noe særlig. Dette i tillegg til andre faktorer gjorde at denne dagen ble spesielt emosjonell. Jeg (eller vi) var på randen til å felle et par tårer opptil flere ganger. Kanskje jeg bare er sliten. Jeg tror at jeg må ta en pause nå, felle et par tårer. Også skal jeg pugge til framlegg. #livetsomstudent (for dere som liker gode sitater, så burde dere lese igjennom noen av disse av Neil Gaiman) 

Come get back in bed we still got time left. This don't have to be over

It is just too much to be a One Direction fan at the moment. Emotions are overflowing all over the place, and I've just been rewatching Harry singing his little solo at the end of Little Things from The Today Show. Sometimes when they perform the song, he goes high instead of low when he sings "cause it's you". It's hard to explain, but just watch this from the 2:58 mark. It happens at 3:04. It doesn't help that he looks delectable, and he bloody knows it as well. There's a lot of things on my mind lately that involves Harry Styles. For example he keeps posting pictures in black and white on Instagram. Taylor (Swift) posted this picture with the caption: Screaming colours. Do I have to remind you of her song Out Of The Woods, which was the first song I heard from Swift's album after Shake It Off, and was the song that got me all into Haylor? She sings: "You took a Polaroid of us, then discovered the rest of the world was black and white. But we were in screaming color". Baaaaaaahhh. Also I just heard Harry swear, which doesn't happen very often. At least I've not heard it? Also, remember the other week when I mentioned that Niall and Harry did an interview for "Wetten, dass ...?" where Harry asked: "who is the last person you had sex with?". Well, a new interview was released yesterday (or the fans managed to leak it, who knows anymore). But it was filmed before the "Wetten, dass ...?" interview, and the boys are discussing their tradition of making up rumours about who Niall has been sleeping with. They mention that last time they said he'd been sleeping with Carly Rae Jepson, and then they come up with suggestions for the next celebrity. But then I think Liam says they have to think out of the box, in which the interviewer suggests a man. All the boys agree, it seems, but Niall says "don't go a man". In answer, Harry says "Don't knock it till you try it, Niall". I think Harry knows something we don't. Please share your secrets with us, Haz. I'm gonna go listen to John Legend's All Of Me before I go to bed because I heard him perform it on X Factor yesterday and he was bloody brilliant. He was a LEGEND (lols, or no? soz). Gooooooood niiiiiiiiiight, sleep well xxxxxxxxx.

does it ever drive you crazy, just how fast the night changes

Ah, bloody Louis Tomlinson for always live tweeting X Factor. Oh well, at least I know that my favourite is still in the competition. My attempts at starting my paper has gone out the window. Well, not really, I have started. Just didn't get as much done as I wanted. But I have to give kudos to myself because I have actually been quite productive. I'm just going to read a bit of curriculum before I go watch X Factor. Just inhaled a chocolate bar and some vitamins. What a great combination. I usually read fan fiction to procrastinate, right? But as of late it seems like there has been a drought, because there's no new fan fiction. Not ones that tickle my interest anyway. So I've started playing games. Today I downloaded an app on my phone that resembles Mario. I told my sister about this, and that my phone had died (diagnosis: no battery). She told me I could borrow her Nintendo DS and play proper Mario if I wanted, which I said yes to. Obviously. It seems that I still suck, and it's especially annoying when I keep forgetting that the DS is not a Wii controller, and that I'm not supposed to shake the DS (sigh). There's this charity single in production in Britain at the moment (for Band Aid. Loads of british artists and strangely-- youtubers? come together and do a cover of a song for charity), or it was today anyway. And One Direction are included. For some reason Nick Grimshaw was also there, but I suspect it was interviews for the radio. The point is that Grimmy looked gorgeous. Bah, is it inappropriate for me to be ogling at pictures of a man who is nine years my senior and gay? Probably. Should maybe go back to ogling at pictures of young boyband members instead. (Who am I kidding, am always going to fancy older men who looks like they've got kids). The other point is that Grimmy and Harry has been hanging out again, which always warms my heart. It would be really fun if Harry suddenly popped up on the Breakfast show on Monday. But that's impossible, seeing as I'm pretty sure One Direction will be in America somewhere by Monday. Is it strange if I miss them when they go overseas? I just feel a bit more connected with them when they're in the UK. Right, oh dear, X Factor time! Have a good evening, be safe x. 

I'm like a boat on the water. You're the raise on the waves that calm my mind

I cracked for chocolate crackers today. I'm pretty sure I told my belieber friend that I was going to try to not eat any biscuits this week, or summat. Failed at that. Failed at a lot of things today as well, but I've got my biscuits, tea and a playlist that reminds me of Nick Grimshaw (god, Million Voices by Otto Knows reminds me of Nick and Harry. I can't remember if it was during LADS FM, or something else when they introduced the song with "e-e-e-e-e, a-a-a-a"). Didn't take an awful a lot of things to cheer me up today, I guess. Yesterday the additional four tracks from the deluxe version of FOUR was leaked. But I did good, and didn't listen to the leaked songs despite how much my hands were itching to press play. It's only three days left. Surely I'm capable to wait that long. I've heard strange things about some of the songs, which includes the words "pirate pop". I'm not sure how to feel about that. I am currently trying to write my part of the group project presentation. But for the past hours I've tried to avoid actually settle down and read about head traumas, by re-reading fan fiction, and wondering about what Harry was trying to do in this picture. However, head traumas was the theme I wanted, and my group got it by accident really. I would laugh, because it became apparent to me that the whole of the kilo-gang has the same theme, though we're not all in same groups, only Kiwi and I. Probably destiny don't you think? I also wanted to start on my own paper and do some more reading before the day was over, but it seems like I've procrastinated for too long. It's so bloody annoying when I do that. D'you know yesterday, after writing my blogpost, I played "Icon Pop Song" on my phone with my sister for hours, I think. Because once you start playing it, you get addicted. We were having a really hard time with guessing the name of a song, so I asked my brother who was just getting ready for bed around midnight. To my big dismay, he didn't know the name of the song. But he asked confusedly: "it is Thursday, right?". I agreed, that it was indeed Thursday. Then he asked why we were still up, and we both said "I've got the day off tomorrow". He huffed and went to bed. I stayed up to read a bit, and suddenly it was 1:40 am before I went to bed. But it did mean that I slept until 9:30 am this morning, which was nice. I am still going to try to do some school work now. Be productive and all. Can't wait to watch the X Factor tomorrow. I'll be glued to the sofa with chocolate and tea within my reach. Have a good Friday evening x. 

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning. That's when I could finally breathe. And by morning gone was any trace of you. I think I am finally clean

Today is one of those days that doesn't end up the way I planned it. I am so bloody knackered, it's a wonder that I'm awake. Instead of going home to read curriculum yesterday, I went to my belieber friend's house. We'd been talking about playing Super Mario Bros on Wii, so after skipping the last hour of the last lecture, we headed to her house. "I'm going to read," I told her, on the way to the metro. She agreed-- we were going to read, not only play. What we did was to play a few times to get back into gaming mode. Neither of us have played the game for ages. My belieber friend said it's been years since she last played. I can't actually remember the last time I played it. All I remember is that I used to play it with my siblings, and it was hilarious! I always die because I'm horrible at it, but it's always been fine because the others would go on without me. Yesterday though, it became apparent that both my belieber friend and I suck, and we only managed to get to another world. That's after hours of playing. At least were both very engaged in the game, my belieber friend commented. Yes. I get very vocal. A lot of different (and strange) words come out of my mouth, some of which are made up. Lols. During the hours I was at my friend's house, we went to the shops and got some take away, chocolate biscuits, sweets, clementines, and chocolate cake. The latter I brought with me on my way home. I did get some stares, from where I was sat alone at the metro with a little tub of cake on my lap. I was at home around 9:30 pm, after doing everything else than reading curriculum. So once I sat down in my bedroom, I started reading. Once I get into a rhythm, I get very stubborn with my goals. So if I say I'm going to read an amount of pages, I'm going to read exactly that amount of pages. That means I sat up for a bit later than I should have, which means I didn't sleep enough, which again means I had a very hard time waking up this morning. If I was four years old, I'd throw a tantrum probably, but instead I turned the lights on and got dressed. The lecturer was a bit late, which I actually appreciated, because it gave me some time to close my eyes for a bit. Due to tiredness and other things, I wasn't completely alert, and wasn't completely listening to the lecturer. Mostly I was just peeling clementines (feeling a bit like Harry Styles at the VMA's when he was eating an orange during Drake's performance) and imagining the lecturer as Valjean from Les Mis. I'm so glad no one (hopefully) can hear my thoughts, ha. After the lecture we had yet another group meeting, which was quite alright because we had another teacher substitute for our own. Not that I dislike my own teacher, I just appreciate a person with total control and who is very organised. Gives my soul peace, I think. We split into new groups and started another group project. To my relief, we sort of just split up the project, and went our different ways. Well, Kiwi and I stayed, because we were both going to read curriculum. Sugar came to sit down with us for a bit, then my belieber friend came to chat, before she and Sugar left to go home. I left Kiwi when the clock turned 6:00 pm, after reading what seems to be endless of pages of curriculum but really is 0,000000001% of the whole curriculum. I will admit that though I don't necessarily enjoy the stress around the exam, I do like being at school. I told Kiwi that I'd sort of missed sitting behind at school, reading. It is a strange thing to miss, but when I'm in "praksis" you're sort of constantly being tested. Being at school allows you to relax more, and I get to see some of my favourite people all the time. I'll try to stay behind at school to read curriculum next week probably. I just had a little facetime session with my nephew who apparently had woken up, saying he didn't feel like sleeping because he has a cold. God, kids are the funniest people. Right, I must read a bit more curriculum before I go to bed. And I'm about to start reading a book I really don't want to read. I've been reading so much that I've used up three marker pens. I've only got one left now. I'll count that as an accomplishment! Right-e-o, I shall go before I fall asleep on this keyboard. 

Get a taste of your lips on the tip of my tongue. It's at the top of the list of the things I want

Yesterday my favourites, One Direction, released a new song as a part of their own "controlled leak". Well, it's not really a leak, as you do buy them, but counting from this week, they are giving out five songs from their album before the release date. I am however a bit unsure if it includes Ready To Run, because that was released last Friday? Anyway, they released Where Do Broken Hearts Go, which is a personal favourite of mine. It is written by Harry, which only fuels to my imaginary love story between him and Swift. Imagine if they got back together, eh? I feel like this song is an answer to some of Taylor's songs. This is obviously just my own theories that I don't take too serious myself. Today (5:00 pm over 'ere) they're releasing 18 which was written by Ed Sheeran (and Passenger, if I'm not incorrect). Obviously one of my favourites as well. God, it's just so bloody good. Part of me sort of wishes that Ed had kept it for his own album because it reminds me of his first album. But I'm glad he gave it to One Direction, and I'm ecstatic that he's got a song on their album again. Thought there was lack of Ed Sheeran on Midnight Memories, ha (can I ever get enough of Ed? Don't think so). Once the album is out, I'll probably write an in-depth analysis of the whole album. I don't think I've done it before, only written about my favourite tracks from Take Me Home actually. On my way home yesterday I watched the new music video for Blank Space by Taylor Swift, and I was shell shocked by how amazing it was (only thing is that she used animals, which is probably going to be discussed). The song itself is a parody of what the media writes about her, which quickly became apparent to me as I listened to the lyrics. But for the ones who didn't know, I think it's very prominent in her new music video. She looks fierce, and god, I'd let her bite my lip. Somehow that gave me an association to my horrid dream last night. Or nightmare, I guess. I woke up at 3:00 am after dreaming about watching someone get murdered, and a lot of other gruesome things. I had a laugh at school today, despite not being able to keep up with (the Kardashians. Soz, or not) the lectures. We ended up leaving early, and I was not keen on going home to read curriculum. I really wanted to follow my belieber friend home to play Mario on Wii. But damn my frontal lobe, because I could only think of consequences. Could only think of the curriculum I have to read, the exercise I have to do today, the shower. Blah. I better start reading then? Where are all the new fan fictions when I want to procrastinate? 

now we got bad blood, it used to be mad love

Yesterday was a very erm, overwhelming day. After I posted my blogpost yesterday, I was sat with a few different tabs open: Youtube, Twitter and Tumblr. Youtube for the live stream, Twitter for updates about the live stream, and Tumblr for live commenting. They were about 15-20 minutes late, which was unsurprising, but those minutes were spent in utter frenzy, because I was paranoid it had already started without me noticing, so I kept refreshing everything. It's a miracle that my computer didn't die. I was quite excited of the prospect of having Ben Winston to ask them questions, as I thought he did good in the concert movie. At the ending of the live stream, Ben said Scott Mills was busy, hence why he did the interview. But I'm glad it was Ben, because he knows them, and therefore he sort of already knows what they'll not answer, but again he has the guts to ask the difficult questions as well. Also, he sort of directs the questions to all of the boys, which means all of them has to speak up at least once. One of the questions were about Taylor (Swift) writing songs about Harry, in which Harry answered: "it'd be hypocritical of us to be like oh, you can't write songs. AND she's really good so, they're good songs". That's very gentleman-y for him to say, but what I thought was the most important part of this, is that maybe some crazy Harry stans (overzealous maniacal fans for any celebrity or athlete) will actually listen to what he has to say, and stop criticise Taylor for it. I understand if you think I've become very defensive of Swift, and I'm not even going to deny it. I'm still peeved for the drama she caused when she and Joe (Jonas) broke up, but she was young, and she has changed since then. But I'm tired of reading comments about Taylor Swift that are filled with unwarranted hate against her. In fact, I'm tired of unwarranted hate against anyone. For example mr. Ben Winston. I've seen so much hate against him for what? And I've asked people, why do you hate him? And they just write: I just do. It frustrates me, which brings up a point in the interview, where Liam talked about hate on social media. He said that people forget that they are humans too, that they've got feelings just like anyone else. It's something that's been on my mind for a very long time, because I don't understand why people think it's alright to post blatantly unwarranted hate against anyone. If you're asked if you think bullying is alright, then most people would answer no. But what is the difference? As you might have understood by now, this annoys me greatly. Anyway, onto another happier subject. There was a lot of Narry (Niall and Harry) interaction in the interview. The times Niall hugged Harry, I didn't know whether I wanted to be Niall or Harry more. It warmed my heart to see the two of them, because they light up my world like nobody else. But seriously, they do actually make me happy most days. I'm very thankful for the big sofa that could fit all of them. It almost seemed a bit too big actually. Prefer them all squished together and in a constant hug. Anyway, Ben asked about their least favourite One Direction track, which I thought was brilliant. And the thing is that I think if it was another interviewer, they would probably just give a general answer about how they have grown musically, and therefore it's natural to have some songs they don't enjoy as much anymore-- then they would move on. Liam did give a general answer, but then he also answered the question, which I don't think he would with other people. Another thing that I became aware of after this interview, is that they are a lot more aware of things than I thought. I didn't realise that they spend so much time on Twitter like for example Niall. They just don't always tweet. It's like when Harry said that even if the fans have heard the leaked album, they'll still buy it. It made me laugh because I had just read a post about exactly that on Tumblr. I thought it was a great interview, and it surprised me a bit, because I felt very fond of Louis, which was a bit strange to me. Surely it means that the interview was good? Ha. After the interview, they posted an acoustic performance of Steal My Girl, then they had their pre-recorded performance of the song on X Factor UK. I actually had to lie flat on my bed for a minute or so, after the live stream and the acoustic performance of their new single, because I was so overwhelmed. It was a lot. Then I watched X Factor, where Only The Young and Jake Quickenden had to do sing off's against each other. Simon said they both did awful, which I wholly agree on. In the end it was Quickenden that had to go, which was quite sad. It's kind of awful to have watched the whole series from the start because you get so attached. Anyway, the fact that OTY ended up in the bottom two only makes my faith in Louis Walsh as a mentor diminish even more. I also managed to reveal for myself another contestant that leaves X Factor, which great. Argh. Right, I have to go post the birthday card to my sister today, then I might just pop into the shops. I was also going to do some reading before lectures, but who knows what I'll manage today. 

you lost your trust and you never should have

01:18: What really aggravates me is hearing someone say I'm too silent, that I should speak up more often, that I should seize the opportunities more often. Fuck you. I'll give you the honor to hear me speak when I allow it. I will take the opportunities that I want to seize, and when I want to. I'm not here for you to stamp me as the "silent one", just because I don't talk as much as you. It doesn't matter if you don't mean anything by it. If someone is silent, loud, crazy, or whatever-- and want to be, then let them. Don't shame them. Don't say "it'll be better if you're like that". Don't ever make a person feel like they're not enough just because of your point of view. Don't ever let someone tell you who to be. Be yourself, and flip the bird to whoever else who disagrees. 

There's a devil in your smile, it's chasing me. And every time I turn around it's only gaining speed

"Did you make brekkie for dad this morning?" "No. Monchita's not home, and I think Lumba has a hangover. Poor effort". These are texts from this morning between Lynx and I. It's fathers day, and none of us have done anything, which naturally makes me feel bad. It's Lynx's birthday, so we had a little facetime session with her and David. Got to see the development on her stomach, as she has a baby in the oven. That's right, I'm gonna be an aunt for the second time next year. I'm always yearning for babies, but I've especially been yearning for one the past year. Back in October, when I went to visit Lynx and co, I told her: "it's good that you're having a baby, because I've been yearning for one for ages". She laughed at me. It's been a great Sunday thus far. I've cleaned my bedroom, cleaned my make-up brushes, removed my chipped nail varnish, made the birthday card for Lynx (I'll send it off tomorrow). I've been very productive when it comes to reading curriculum the past few days, which means I can properly relax today. Yesterday I watched the third week of X Factor, and admittedly I was a bit disappointed. I was actually only wowed by Stereo Kicks. I know very well that all the artists are great, and I was expecting more. Anyway, my favorites vary from each week, as I almost love all of them. This week it was Stereo Kicks, who sang a mash up of Let It Be and Hey Jude. Last week they were in the bottom two, due to an ok performance. It was dull, and much to alike the first week. Mel B commented that she wanted to hear them sing acapella. And acapella it was this week. The best part is when they all come together and sing: "there will be an answer, let it be". I'm a bloody sucker for harmonies, so I thought it sounded lovely. Despite not being many good performances, I thought there was a bit more drama than what it usually is. I was appalled to hear that Louis (Walsh) said he never wanted to put eight people in a band (Stereo Kicks), because it's one of his acts, which means he should support them all the way. I can, however, understand that it's something he might have just said without meaning to. People are people, and sometimes we make mistakes. However, it does weaken his credibility as a mentor. Anyway, I'm excited to see who goes through, and who doesn't. Actually, I'm excited to see who wins the whole shit. In the midst of watching X Factor last night, I also watched an interview with Niall and Harry, which was hilarious. In the end of the interview, Harry swaps seat with the interviewer, and proceeds to ask: who is the last person you had sex with? I think, that if we got One Direction drunk, and then to interview each other, it would be bloody brilliant. They were interviewed for the TV-show "Wetten, dass..?", where they also performed. Zayn looked a bit like a Disney prince/90's boybander with his loose locks. I'm excited to see their hair game today actually. Actually, scrap that: I'm excited to see them. Lynx asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I answered "pj bottoms". (Almost) All my pj bottoms has holes in them, and not like on the leg or summat. But on the bum area. I'm not interested to flash my underwear/bum, so it would be nice to not have to wear a really long shirt to cover my bum. I'm wearing one of my long johns now, and I can fit four fingers into one of the holes, which is situated right on my bum. Tomorrow I've got really late lectures, but it's nice to have a little change from early mornings, I guess. I don't want the weekend to end yet, but then again, once this weekend started, I had a feeling that I'd just had a weekend. Does this make any sense? Probably not. Right, have a good Sunday xx. 

it's been so long, maybe we're fireproof

I forgot to say, but yesterday morning I saw a dog in the park. Due to tiredness, my initial thought was: "oh my god, a llama!". It went a second before I realised that it was just a large dog. God, yesterday I did the stupid thing and listened to the leaked songs from the new One Direction album. It got me very overwhelmed, and I barely had enough willpower to not stop reading curriculum just so I could listen to them. But I did sit for an hour, maybe, staring at the wall, sniffing a bit. I won't say much about it until the songs will be released officially, but I'm really fucking looking forward to Monday the 17th of November. Admittedly I've only heard 2/3 of the album. There's still five songs I've not heard. I'm just wondering if I should stop listening to the leaked ones now. Probably should. Maybe, when the weekend ends. I was waiting for the songs to be leaked: to be honest, it's sort of inevitable that it happens now, considering the past two albums also were leaked beforehand. I'm excited to watch the live stream now, because I wonder if they'll actually mention that yes, it's been leaked. Tomorrow will be a great day, with a live stream and X Factor. Speaking of X Factor, Louis and Niall were at rehearsals yesterday, and Louis tweeted: "Good day today lad !! @NiallOfficial". I found that very endearing, because it seems like Niall has been hanging out with his band members the past few days, outside of rehearsals and promo. I can't wait for tonight's episode of X Factor, though I am yearning to watch all the episodes I've not been able to watch. The other week I accidentally revealed to myself that one of my favorites are out of the competition. Oh well, I've decided that I am not going to watch X Factor next year. Can't possibly make myself go through this again. It snowed yesterday, a bit at least. Not enough for me to feel like it was proper winter, which is why I've yet to make a folder for my "winter pictures". Also, been trying to suppress the Christmas spirit that's slowly been crawling into my skin. I was going to let myself listen to Christmas music halfway through November, but I figured it would be really bad timing, seeing as I'll probably be playing One Direction on a loop. So, I think I'm going to start listen at the end of November/start of December. That's the latest I've ever waited to start listening to Christmas music. I can't promise anything though. To be honest, I'll probably crack. Oh my god, I just read a fan fiction via my computer. I had two fan fictions in two different tabs, one of which was 8000 words. And I thought I was reading that, but it took me so bloody long. Didn't realise it was 30 000 words until I was done, did I? Anyway, I'm trying to read curriculum, but I'm so bloody tired of the digestive system. Read enough about diarrhea now, I think. But I've only got six pages left of the chapter, so I'm going to finish that now, and then tomorrow I have the day off from reading. My sister was wearing lip stick when I saw her yesterday, which I pointed out. "Yeah, it suits me, so I'm going to wear it from now on," she said. I thought that was an admirable attitude. She was wearing the same lip stick when she got home from Mars' house today. My mum said: "ah, the little one has good instincts, she could smell the food," as my sister got home. It was so ridiculous it startled a laughter out of me. Anyway, have a great Saturday xx. 

you disappear and make me wait, and every second's like torture

First thing I did when I got home today was to put the kettle on, ha. I did say I was going to drink lots of tea. Wow, just saw the video for the new Selena Gomez song, and it's a really good video. Really honest, I think, and the kind of angst-y theme I enjoy. I really enjoy the lyrics, but I'm not so sure of the song. Also, I feel like I'm overdosing on new songs at the moment, which might be the reason that I'm not that into it either. I took this picture of the full moon yesterday. It was gorgeous. This is the reason why I refuse to have curtains on the window above my desk. I'd rather have the moonlight shine on my face when I'm trying to fall asleep, then miss out of seeing the wonderful things the moon and sun can do. I got up early today, despite having school later than usual. Got to school around 8:00 am, sat down and read curriculum. I am hoping I'll continue with it after I've written this blogpost. I hope I'll manage to do a huge amount of school work. My hair has grown, unsurprisingly. But, I don't like the length. Also, it's turned a bit ombre again, which, I don't think I'll ever escape now. I'm really yearning to read a proper book, so I might pop into the library and see if I can find something I can finish in one day. Might be a bit optimistic, though? Or not? Might just read another fan fiction. It's really tempting to read one now, actually. Where is my willpower? Ah well, it is the weekend. Have a lovely Friday, hope you have fun (be safe) xx. 

took a wrong turn and we fell down a rabbit hole

I've been listening to Taylor Swift's new album quite a lot the past few days, and yesterday I read through the lyrics to all of the songs. I did it after listening to Wonderland, because it struck me that she sings "didn't you flash your green eyes at me?"and "didn't you calm my fears with the Chesire cat smile?". All of the lyrics are quite fitting for her and Harry, which only feeds my little fantasy of them being together. I've also come to realise that almost all songs feels inspired by other artists, and I'm left thinking about which songs are her. That doesn't affect my love for the album though. Even Nick Jonas said it was great. Due to a very busy (and exhausting) Tuesday, I was contemplating whether to go to school yesterday. But I didn't have good enough arguments, I thought. Because though I went to bed later than usual, the first lecture also started later, and Nick Grimshaw has been off from the radio due to illness, so I couldn't have stayed home to listen to him either. We ended up going to one of the three lectures. Well, Sugar went to the second as well, before she came back and reported that it was a load of shit, really. My belieber friend and I was sat reading curriculum, which we've not done since forever. Like, obviously we read, but not together. At 3:00 pm, my belieber friend was getting ready to leave, whereas I was hoping to finish my chapter and escape the rush hour. I calculated that I'd have to stay at school until 5:00 pm, or later. But in the end I told my belieber friend to never leave, and she sort of jokingly suggested for me to come with her. And ever-serious, I said "really?". She said yes, to which I repeated "really?". So that's that, I went home with her, where I was fed and entertained. Some of the entertainment came from the television, some from their cat (pictured), some from the bickering between my belieber friend and Darren. And some of Darren acting a bit like an excited dog. I think that's the best description I can come up with. I didn't read much, mostly watched television. After watching a programme about bacteria in chicken, I decided to go home, because it takes me a while to get home from her house. I must say that the ride on the tube felt like it took ages back than it did on the way to my belieber friend's house. Didn't really mind though, because I quite enjoy taking public transportation when it's late. It's a lot more peaceful, and everyone's a bit tired from whatever they've done earlier in the day. I met a childhood friend at the bus stop, which was nice. I keep meeting her there actually. We had a little catch-up before she had go. I got home just before 10:00 pm. Got ready for bed, and then I actually sat down to finish my chapter of curriculum. Because I knew Grimmy would be on the radio today, I set my alarm for 7:00 am this morning, when I really should have slept for a few more hours. There's not a lot of people I'd do that for, but eh. When my sister got home today, she came to have a chat. And I told her about a perfect Christmas calender for myself. It's TEA! I gasped when I was looking through my Boots magazine, and saw it. Then I said I wanted Taylor Swift's album for Christmas, then started talking about the schedule of what kind of music I plan to listen to the next month. One of which is One Direction. I think I said "I feel like they're going to release a new song very soon". And well, they did, like an hour after she left my room they tweeted about another surprise on Twitter. And I was a hundred percent sure it would be a new song. It's really good, I think. I actually think that they have gained another sound as well. It's more grown up, and it sort of reminds me of a Disney movie, sort of? Like, I can imagine watching Tarzan and listen Ready To Run. I'm excited to listen to the album now, but I feel a bit like there's too much new music at once. Anyway, One Direction are having a live stream on Sunday, which I guess was the first surprise. I'm very excited for this, seeing as they've not done one for years? They are currently doing rehearsals for the upcoming tour, which has been well documented by Niall, I think. In the last four days, he's posted 7 pictures of rehearsals. Which is four more than their official Instagram. But I mean, they posted this of him, which causes me to feel emotions. I'm not sure where I am going with this, but I am very fond of One Direction and Niall Horan. Also, I must go read some more curriculum, which is my life these days. I've got school tomorrow, and then it's the weekend, which I'm going to spend drinking my weight in tea.