I feel you Homer, I do. So, I woke up at 5:00 am today too. It's like my body just jerks awake at 5:00 am automatically. And you know what the sad part is? Even if it's the weekend for me today, I'll probably wake up early tomorrow. That is, even if I want to sleep forever. But I've downloaded a bunch of fan fictions onto my phone, and that's what I'll be occupied with this weekend. Oh, hah, and that school work I was planning to get done. Actually, I have to finish writing a log (probably about diapers) before I go to bed tonight. I really don't want to, though. Someone who wants to do my home work? Feel free to. Be grateful you even get to attend school, my inner voice tells me. Sometimes having ethics, morals and a conscience sucks. I realised today, during this sort-of-lecture we have at the nursing home at Thursdays, that I quite really like the fellow students I'm with at the nursing home. I think we're eleven in total, and we always sit around this too little table for all of us during lunch. And we'll shout to each other across the table, comment each others lunches and joke around. Might have something to do with the fact that there are three guys too. To be fair, guys can be a lot more funnier than girls. Sorry, 'm just saying. Girls tend to complain a bit too much for my liking. Please don't go all "girlpower" on me. It's just a bit funny to me, because one of these guys will always offer his food to the person sitting next to him (today it was me). It's mostly a joke, but he would actually give you food if you said yes. Because he's sort of this sentimental guy that cares about his peers, but comes off as a bit of a joke. Anyways, to summon this blogpost: 1 I've not slept very well today - and the whole week, and I won't sleep very long tomorrow even if I wanted to. 2 I've got to write a log about a procedure I've done at the nursing home this week. 3 I sort of really enjoy my fellow students at the nursing home, mostly because of the guys who makes me laugh any day.

I guess the loneliness came knocking. No one needs to be alone

I'm so tired. And I just really want to go to bed now. I woke up at 5:00 am today, a bit panicked, because I felt so awake. Which at that point I thought it must have meant I'd overslept. But then I checked my phone, blinking 5:00 am at me. And the thing is, throughout this week, I've been sleeping very poorly. I keep waking up in the middle of the night, either because I'm so warm, or just because. I'm sort of looking forward to the weekend, because I'll be able to sleep. And I am 99% sure I'm not doing anything this weekend. But the thing is, I've actually got to do school work this weekend too. I'm going to try finish most of my paper, because I'm knackered during the weekdays. Just like today. I came home, ate and drank a cuppa, and then I read fan fiction in my bed - almost falling asleep. And I really could have fallen asleep then. Instead I'm going to try finish some school work today, so I won't have too much to do for tomorrow. 'M also missing this little guy so much. Though, I kind of do miss this little guy as a baby a lot. Because it's such a lovely feeling having a baby fall asleep in your arms when you stroke their soft faces. And when you sit there with a sleeping baby in your arms, you can feel their heartbeat going du-dum-du-dum-du-dum. The best thing is probably the smell. A baby actually smells like heaven?? I don't know what parents bathe them in, but wow. Oh well. The days are flying away like the crazy wind outside my window. And I'm actually becoming very fond of the people I take care of at the nursing home. And you know, old people say some weird and funny things sometimes. Like yesterday, we overheard an old lady saying to another old lady: "can you actually believe that old people gets older too?" in a tone that sounded like she was genuinely baffled because of this. I'll be really sad to leave the place. Before I get all sulky, I'll leave you with my "chill" playlist.

"cool" 
Timshel by Mumford & Sons
Thinkin Bout You by Frank Ocean
Bad Religion by Frank Ocean
Pink Matter by Frank Ocean
Forrest Gump by Frank Ocean
Doing it Wrong by Drake ft. Stevie Wonder
Shot For Me by Drake
Fall For Your Type by Drake
People Help The People by Birdy

get out of my head, and fall into my arms instead

This is kind of the first song I fell in love with by One Direction. Mainly because of the lovely harmonies (I sort of love harmonies, which is why I also really like Little Mix. You should check out their cover of End of Time by Beyonce), and that's why I love this acoustic version. Because the harmonies are so much clearer in this video. So when I sing along to the song, I kind of switch between which harmonies I want to sing. And look at baby One Direction. So cute.

"are you okay?"

Thing is. You walk around on this earth along with loads of other people, and the person next to you could be dying without you knowing. They could have cancer. Or maybe they could have Parkinson disease  But you don't know that, because it's not like every piece of information about a person is visibly scrabbled on a person. Or like when you can scan something with your phone, and you're directed to some website with more information. Real life is more complicated. Because we clamber to our secrets and hide them from the world, only for show to a few people. So when you sit down beside that sad-looking girl on the bus one day, it just might happen that she's been at the doctor and been told that she's got cancer in pancreas. And you won't even be entitled to ask her if she's okay, because that's not accepted behavior in our society. And you'll only end up looked upon as odd by other people. Because you're not supposed to ask strangers if they are okay, unless they are somewhat hurt. And the worst part is, that if you ask. They might just say "I'm fine". The probably most used lie in existence. 

if you're homesick, give me your hand and I'll hold it

Go get a cuppa (cup of tea obviously), cause diz shit iz gonna to b loooong. I promise I'll never write like that ever again (can't really promise anything, because I'll probably forget this promise in the future, and then do it again. Plus, never say never). Here's three random pictures I snapped during the weekend. First - it's been snowing a lot lately, mostly because it's milder. Which, to be honest, feels a bit illogical. However snow is kind of pleasant, because it makes things prettier. Everything just turns white and lovely (no racism!!! extra exclamation points because (tempted to write bcuz. omg an extra parentheses in a parentheses) I'm Asian, and therefore I'm no racist). Second - the 90's party I went to. And look! The guitarist has an afro! I admit that I'm slightly fascinated by afro's. It's mainly because I kind of want to have one myself (maybe for a day, though - not a lifetime. I'll stick with curling my hair). The band played various songs from the 90's, such as; Nirvana, Smash Mouth, Blink 182, Green Day etc. Can't really remember more, because I've got a lousy memory and because I don't know the names of the songs. I just know I've heard them before. Oh, but they played a song. A song I really really love, and that I've mentioned on this blog a few times. And it totally made my night. I'm completely serious, it really did. I'll leave you to guess the song (no it's not by One Direction. Or Ed Sheeran, though that would also make my night or day). Third - I came home yesterday, and all of a sudden there was a wolf sitting at my desk. I didn't notice for about five minutes, when I realised there were three picture frames on my desk rather than two. And I knew that my sister had been drawing a wolf, because she showed it to me on Saturday and asked for my opinion. But I didn't know it was for me. And I guess my heart melted to the ground, found something true. (Sorry, just had to do it, because in my mind, there is a song for everything. Now guess the song). No, but the little part of my heart that belongs to my younger sister swelled a bit. And I remembered why I love her (joke, course I love her).

I'm currently listening to People Help The People by Birdy. Because apparently, I am infatuated with Birdy at the moment. Or, just this song. I have the Take Me Home album cover (One Direction) stuck to the wall above my desk, where I basically sit every day. And it's been there for over a month. And I've just realised that none of the lads are actually looking in the camera. You can only see the profile of their faces, which is a bit weird. Because it's mostly their faces that sells?? I'm actually going to lie in bed and read fan fiction for the rest of the day, before I go to bed. I'm currently reading a Lirry (Liam and Harry) one, which is a bit rare, and it's not a ship I can actually visualize in my mind. But the thing is, the less a ship is shipped (read that out loud - sounds funny), the better the fan fiction is. So sorry for this shitty blogpost, but I'm seriously tired, and I feel like sleeping. I mean, you could go watch some Youtube or something. Oh, wait though. Did you guess the song? No? Yes? Okay, drumroll. The song was .. Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus!

Thing is, I really love Timshel by Mumford and Sons. It's my new favorite by them. It's just very simple with vocals and instruments. And then it's the lyrics. At the end Marcus sings "I can't move the mountains for you", a line I've seen on Tumblr and elsewhere multiple times. And I love it. It's my favorite part of the song, although I love the whole tune in itself, because of the meaning behind it. So I wrote this (the slight blurry pictures, sorry for that) yesterday evening before I went to bed after reading another wondrous fan fiction. And it's sort of like trying to comfort someone when you don't know what to do. And you end up kissing them, because it's how your mum fixed the pain when you stumbled across a rock and fell when you were little. I actually went to bed quite early (in my opinion) yesterday, because I've grown accustomed to it. And today my friends plan on attending a 90's party?? But I can't remember how I used to dress then, mainly because I was a baby, toddler and then started my first year at school at the end of the 90's. And my memory isn't the best. So now I'm texting my friends for advice .. and my little sister is claiming to be an expert and dressing me up in various things. Oh god. And I who wanted to avoid any sleep overs this weekend. And the last weekend. And the weekend before that too. Also, it's nice to be able to be bored. I remember I would actually wish to be able to be bored during really busy times at school last year. So if it wasn't for this being a birthday celebration, I'd probably stay at home. In bed. I've got to go and get ready now. Maybe I'll post some pictures of my outfit tomorrow. The worst part is that it's not that different to what I'd dress in today. Actually, I probably would wear it today too.

Sometimes your name is on the tip of my tongue. I'm not fully aware of it either. Not until I feel it slipping through my lips, and I have to catch myself from letting it out. My head is confused and I feel bewildered. Because since when did you manage to etch yourself into my mind? I want to let your name roll of off my tongue, let it sink in - I want to taste it. But I don't. I don't taste it. I catch myself before it slips through my lips and gets out in the open for the world to see. I force it back, down my throat, hidden somewhere it'll hopefully stay hidden forever. 

It's been really fucking cold outside these days. I guess winter was waiting to creep up on us. And honestly, it's not so cool running outside in -19 celcius (I don't actually know how cold it was yesterday? Because I've stopped watching tv, and therefore the weather forecasts too. But I'm pretty sure it was even colder yesterday). Why I was running both today and yesterday? Oh, I was late for the bus. But my beanie has become a favorite for this reason, although my mum seems to think I look like a hobo with it? It's like thanks mum, that's really lovely of you - really. I am currently doing homework. Because I plan on sleeping tomorrow. And I can't be bothered to wait with my homework, because I just want it finished. For it to vanish from my mind. But it's a bit hard when you are absolutely knackered, and feel like sleeping. I told the old lady I'm taking care of at the nursing home: "you know, I've started going to bed early too like you", and she just laughed. Because she goes to bed at 7:00 pm. And I could have done that too. Except, my homework. And now I actually have to concentrate, which is bullshit. Also, yesterday was really lovely. The meeting up with my friends part. I did feel like falling asleep on my way into town, but I managed to get to the right place at the right time. At a cafe (sort of) inside a mall. And I drank tea and ate a cinnamon roll. Not so much in other words, but I think maybe my hunger feeling has dissipated? Because I did realise that my body wanted nutrition when I arrived at home, just because I got a bit dizzy and woozy, and my hands were shaking a bit (low blood sugar, I guess). But still, I didn't feel hungry. I did force myself to eat and drink some tea. Because I always drink tea when I come home these days. Anyway, it was really nice to catch up with my gang. Can I call you gang? Yeah? Okay. We spent a lot of time exchanging experiences working at a nursing home. And I laughed quite a lot, although to be honest, I've been laughing quite a lot the past weeks with my team-mate at the nursing home, because we like to pretend we're in Scrubs. And we tend to high-five the Todd-way. And it's a bit hilarious too, because he really is a lot similar to J.D and he did the 99 Luftballoons dance and song. Oh alright, I'm going to do my homework now.

So obviously Harry Styles joined an Indian drama television show. After this slow motion clip, it's a break for 10 minutes, before it resumes and play the same clip again. Maybe three times before they move on. Also imagine "dumdumdum" music in the background. Because Harry play a character who is in love with a girl, but is marrying someone else. But he conducted coitus with the girl he's in love with, and now she is pregnant. But Harry is still marrying someone else because his parents says he have to. (You should definitely take some time to try watching an Indian drama show, because damn. A scene of someone falling down a stair takes about 30 minutes).

"Unrequited love's pretty safe, I think. It's - being in love with someone who won't ever love you back - even if it hurts, you're never actually going to get rejected because there's no chance of it working out anyway". This is a quote from one of my many favorite fan fictions. It's actually a really funny fan fiction, but this was one of the serious moments. And to be honest, sometimes I read (not just fan fiction - I do sometimes read novels, believe it or not), and it just amazes me that people can formulate such wonderful sentences. Maybe I'm easily amazed, but I personally think words are lovely and wondrous. And I swear, if someone wrote me a love letter filled with perfect sentences and yeah, I might just marry the person. Tomorrow I'm meeting up with my friends, whom I also attend school with. But since we're all "working" at different nursing homes until March, we've not been able to see each other. And it's weird - going from seeing the same people almost every weekday, to seeing them maybe once every two weeks. Honestly, it's only Tuesday, but that means it's Wednesday tomorrow, which means it's the weekend the day after. So, yeah, in my mind it's the weekend in just a bit. And I've already made my plans for the weekend - to sleep. Just generally try to not move out of my bed at all. God, I really do dislike The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars (I really do like Bruno Mars, kind of love him even, but I've got to draw the straw somewhere), but I've got to give it to him - I love these lyrics: "Today I don't feel like doing anything. I just wanna lay in my bed". That's exactly how I feel sometimes. Also, I kind of feel like it every morning when I wake up at 5:30 am. No, I actually feel like crying. Like properly cry because I have to wake up so damn early, and it's so so cold outside (what has my life become???). I actually had to run to the busstop today, and I swear, I felt like choking on cold air. Air, I tell you. Since I finished "The Hobbit" last weekend, I might have to start reading a new book (still ignoring my text books, which are dusting off in the corner in my bedroom). Or maybe I'll just daydream.

I should have bought you flowers and held your hand

Hiiiii! I wish I could stay in bed all day. Careful what you wish for, the voice in my head says. If my friends wonder why I think things through so thoroughly, it's mostly because of that careful voice inside my head - whom basically is myself I guess. I'm just really knackered, and therefore going to bed quite soon. Which is honestly a bit too early for my liking. It's like "Weeheeyyy, staying up til 2:00 am on weekdays? Nonsense. 11:00 pm is the latest". Tomorrow I'm taking care of a patient by myself whilst my guidance will be observing me. And oh my god, isn't that the most nerve wrecking thing in existence? I think so (at the moment. Just wait till' you're pregnant and realise that "wait, I'm going to birth a child through my v?"). I'm pretty sure it'll be alright, but that won't stop me from stressing about it. Honestly, I'm just counting down the days til Thursday, because that means: weekend! But on Fridays I'm a bit like "oh, but I miss all the patients". And then Monday comes along, and I start counting the days again. There's an evil circle to everything. Oh also, the gif is of Cassie from Skins. And yay, new season of Skins is premiered soon. And I can't wait, because it's going to be Effy, Cassie and Cook revisiting. And a few others. Oh alright, I'm going to read (fan fiction, because I've been reading it all day. Rest in peace text books who are dusting away), and then go to bed. But wait. I'm going to link to a masterpost of different members of One Direction helping each other out, whether it's fixing each others ties or whatnot. Nevertheless it's so cute sometimes I feel like crying. Also; zianourry for life. 

I was watching the One Direction in Up All Night concert whilst eating breakfast today. And then they played Everything About You, and all those other songs from the Up All Night album, and I was hit with this feeling of summer. Like both memories and scents of summer. I can't wait for their tour to start. It's always nice to practically spend all my free time watching videos of them performing the same songs each day, just looking for new silly things they do on stage. Also, I was listening to The Vamps' new cover yesterday, and it's a mashup of a couple of Bruno Mars' songs. It made me realise it's been a while since I've last listened to Bruno Mars. Also, I wasn't even aware he had a new CD either. But then again, his new tunes aren't exactly up my street. I do really like Young Girls and Locked Out of Heaven. But then again, I'm pretty sure everyone like those. And Bruno Mars practically screams "radio hit" these days. And yay, both Norwegian male and female teams won the relay race today in cross country skiing. Although, there were a bit of drama on both teams. I'll admit that I think it's a bit shady, the way Roethe (Norwegian) won. It's the kind of thing that pisses me off all the time, even if it's not a contestant I'm particularly cheering for or not. I just thought it was a bit low to cut Hellner (Swedish) off like that. Also, poor Chernousov (Russian), who fell right before the line. That burns. It really does. I'm going to read some fan fiction now, before I'll force myself to do some school work. 

the hobbit

Bilbo Baggins is a hobbit who enjoys a comfortable, unambitious life, rarely traveling any farther than his pantry or cellar. But his contentment is disturbed when the wizard Gandalf and a company of dwarves arrive on his doorstep one day to whisk him away on an adventure. They have launched a plot to raid the treasure hoard guarded by Smaug the Magnificent, a large and very dangerous dragon. Bilbo reluctantly joins their quest, unaware that on his journey to the Lonely Mountain he will encounter both a magic ring and a frightening creature known as Gollum. 

I finally finished The Hobbit early this morning. I would've probably have finished it yesterday if I wanted, but it was beginning to feel like I was reading just to finish it. And there's no joy in that. To be honest, I had expected a slow and boring start. I knew it would probably build up to something exciting, and I'd be all wow! But the thing is, I quite enjoyed it right from the start. I think it was a smart narrative, because in my opinion, first person as the narrator, is the best when it comes to adventure fiction and an alternative universe. I'm very fond of the characterization of Bilbo Baggins. In my opinion, he seems like a little nerve wreck, who's mischievous and smart. I suppose it's a bit easier to read if you've seen the first Lord of The Rings movie. Also, I think I've got a head start, because terms like: goblins, dwarfs, stronghold, dagger, mithril, etc, aren't foreign to me. Once upon a time when I was about thirteen, one of my best friends at that time introduced me to this online game called Runescape. And we played it every free minute we had. Until we stopped, and now I log in approximately once a year to see the changes. Also, I get a lot of free things, just because I guess I'm an old user? And I used to play it a lot? Nevertheless, this is where I've learned all these terms that I used to think was completely without importance. But I've actually learnt a lot of words I still use to this day. So - yay, online games in alternative universes. But that's the thing, you kind of have to know of words like these in order to fully understand the whole thing. Otherwise, it'll be a bit difficult. If I were to explain the novel with one word,  I'd definitely go with funny. Also, it's very charming. And I've grown very fond of Bilbo Baggins. And now I really want to go watch the movie. But, as far as I've understood, there are supposed to be several? Is it supposed to become a trilogy like The Lord of The Rings? Also, I've read a few comments about it being average? I'm slightly worried, because the novel is actually really lovely. And I hate when movies based on novels are disappointing. Anyway, back to the actual novel. If you've watched the Lord of The Rings triology or The Hobbit, you've already got a head start, and the novel itself won't be hard to read. Also, The Hobbit is really good, and not long at all (if you're a fast reader you can read it in 1-2 days). 

timshel

Hiya! I've not gone completely hiatus. No, I've just become a human with a life outside of the Internet, surprisingly enough. Yesterday I went to school. I normally have Fridays off now (till March comes along and "real" school and lectures starts again). And I've decided to dedicate Fridays for school work. It's always better to be early than late.  At least that's my philosophy. After school, I went to the mall with my best friend, whom I thought I hadn't met up with for a month, but my other best friend reminded me that, no I was actually with her two weeks ago. It's nice to know that my friends have more overview of my life, than myself. I hadn't really done any shopping until yesterday. Not even after Christmas. Sure, I've wandered along at the mall, looking and all. And I have bought things - but those were necessities. It's not like whenever you go shopping and buy whatever is on sale. But basically, I bought things that probably will stay favorites a long long time.

1. A new tote bag, because I'm a sucker for tote bags. Just because they are so simple, with few details. But that's when the small details matter. Like, the night is full of stars shining down at you. You won't know the names of all, because there are so many. But imagine if there were only three stars each night. Then they would get more attention. Does this make sense? I'm sorry, I'm just really bad at explaining. 2. Sigh No More by Mumford & Sons. I've actually been wanting this since last march. The girl at the counter actually asked if I was sure if I wanted the old one. And I just nodded, and answered "yes, it's my favorite". And the thing is, I've already got four favorite songs from this album. And I love it when I actually love several songs in one album. Actually, I love it when I fall in love with another song. A song that doesn't get that much buzz about it. It's like finding a diamond in the ocean. 3. A lunch box, because I needed one. And it's got the Coca Cola logo on it. And though I don't really drink Coca Cola, I'm very fond of vintage-looking things. And this just caught my sight. And well, now it's mine. 4. A beanie. Because I seem to buy a new one each year. Not because I collect beanies, just because I tend to lose them somehow. This is a grey one. Last years' was a navy blue one (I love navy blue. Give me something navy blue and I'll be overjoyed). But I'm pretty sure my dad stole it off me. Also, it's been getting increasingly cold here after Christmas times. And so, yeah.

I ended up sleeping over at my best friends yesterday. It wasn't in my plans, because I've slept over at someones place for the last four weekends now. And therefore I was actually planning not to sleep over at someones place this weekend. But as we were driving, I was asked "are you coming home to us?". Because that's usually what I do. And then I was like, well, I don't know? And then it kind of stopped for me. Almost like I was a contestant in a quiz game on the television, and I was just asked about the million-dollar question. (I'm listening to Sigh No More as I'm writing this, and oh my god, I think I've already got a new favorite??). Nevertheless, I ended up falling asleep embarrassingly early. Sorry about that, best friend. But I was knackered. And it's just that, for the past four weekends, I've been staying up for so late. And I just couldn't bare the thought of staying up til 4-6 am in the morning. I'm going to try finish reading The Hobbit today, whilst eating chocolate and drinking tea. Lovely Saturday to you all! 

HOW TO BE FOREVER ALONE

This is brilliant. I just really can't stress you enough how good and accurate this is. I'm pretty sure that 80% of you won't understand this. But oh wow, I'm going to send the link for this video to my younger sister. And she'll most definitely understand. 

Hi, yes, hello. This illustration is basically the first line in Lego House by Ed Sheeran. I've been wanting to do an actual illustration of his lyrics for a while, but he's got so many lyrically good songs. Which is why I've never made time to actually do it. That is until last week or so. I drew this very simple Lego  Because I like simple and especially when the paint is a bit outside the lines. The more it looks like a kid's drawing, the more I like it. I'm so tired, exhausted really. And I'm actually doing some school work at the moment, because it's due to Friday. I've been telling myself to finish all my tasks, but whenever I get home, all I want is a cup of tea and then go straight to bed. I'm not even joking. I'm actually yawning right now "as we speak". And god, this is the time my 87 year old patient goes to bed. The worst part about right now, is that there are no new Youtube videos nor anything new on Tumblr. So I can't actually procrastinate. The only choice I have is either go to bed or school work. And considering I'm not 87, I think just maybe I'll stay up a few more hours. My goal for the weekend is actually to finish reading The Hobbit. Yep, I've been reading it the last two weeks or so? Except, not at home. Just during lectures and whenever I'm sitting at the bus or train. And thus far it's really good fun. Also, a little side note. I watched the Burberry show for fall (men) yesterday, and Christopher Bailey has designed the most exquisite tote bags I've ever laid my eyes on. I'll link it here. If I was a billionaire, this would be my first purchase. 

Louis and Niall can be creepily synchronized sometimes. Just sayin'. "Nouis" is slowly invading my heart. I've always been fond of the "ship". But it's rarely ever been them, and it's kind of hard to "ship" someone together if they have really little interaction. Still, I'm always chanting for the underdogs. Also, during their performances in America in December (MSG and Jingle Ball??) there were actually quite a lot of "Nouis" action. Also, I was right. Or I suppose, the rumour was right - One Direction were in Africa! And apparently they are going to Asia in not so long either. And now that the Africa rumour was true, I'm pretty sure the Asia rumour is true too. People, they are expanding. It's like watching a new virus, and no one knows of any cure. And it's just spreading like wildfire. Anyways, it's really cold outside these days. And my skin is not happy - it's really dry. I want to put a sad smiley here, but I feel like I've already turned this blog into a Tumblr with these gifs. Better not try to make it a chat too. Also, my goal for tonight is to go to bed early. And not go to bed one and a half hour later than planned. 

if you deny me one of your kisses, I don't know what I'd do

I get a bit sulky whenever none of the One Direction boys have tweeted a day. Like, baby you light up my world when you tweet every day. I get even more sulky when I've no idea where the boys are (I should become a stalker - I'd be pretty good, I think). Basically there are rumours that they are in Africa somewhere. And Andy (Liam's best friend) did tweet something about Liam going to Africa. And then Harry tweeted yesterday: "Today was the most amazing day I've had so far.. In my life ever". Which is one of the most vague tweets I've read in Harry-land. And this dude tweets some pretty vague things. And then Niall (dearest sweetest douchebag Nialler) answered "inspiring" to a fan asking about his day in a tweet. And now Liam tweeted "Having the most amazing few days of my life !". I don't understaaaaand. What are they doing? If you didn't notice, this gif is from One Direction's Live While We're Young music video. But their heads are obviously replaced. With some of my favorite Youtubers actually. Alfie, Finn, Jack, Marcus and Caspar. They all sometimes makes videos which includes some sorts of One Direction joke or music or whatnot. Although I'm pretty sure Alfie and Marcus are die hard fans. Because they know all the lyrics and own the album themselves (although I'm pretty sure Marcus knows the lyrics to every songs in existence). And I wouldn't be surprised if they actually attended a concert. The lads are all really funny. And oh god, all my favorite British youtubers know each other. It's not even a joke. All these lads hang out together, along with Zoe, Louise, Tanya, and Jim. And these are basically the people I watch mostly on Youtube. I'm actually thinking of going to bed soon. Just because I'm knackered from only sleeping for five hours. And I really don't want to repeat that, seeing as I almost fell asleep today. 

jimmy eat world

Oh god. I am writing. As in properly writing a comedy based on my own life. I don’t know where I want to go with it, nor have I really made a plot line. But an idea struck me, and I just had to write it down. And it’s coming along quite lovely in my opinion. Although it basically is a mockery out of my own life. Ah, I saw a brilliant picture on Tumblr the other day, where it said something like “who needs enemies when you’ve got yourself?”. Oh god, I read a fan fiction about Nick Grimshaw today (and I loved it). This is worrying to me, because I thought that maybe if I finish reading all the good One Direction fan fictions, I’ll be done. And then I can move on with my life. But what if I start reading Nick Grimshaw fan fiction, and then what? And I want to hit myself, because I’m supposed to read for tomorrow. Tomorrow is the big day. From tomorrow on I’m working in a care home until March. And it’ll be frightening, exciting and whatnot. And then I’ll learn so much. But now I’m all fidgety and nervous. And hungry – so I’m going downstairs to eat. And look, I drew my favorite line from Invented by Jimmy Eat World. I feel like a guy would say that to a girl, like “hey, any dick can roll up in a suit. But only I would know what really moves you”. And the girl would smirk “wow, what a romantic”, and hit him in the shoulder, although in a fond way, because she knows this is him being earnest. And then they’ll be all heart eyes with each other for a few seconds before they go back to whatever they were doing. It’s a rubbish drawing, because I nearly erased the text (because stupid new drawing pad has stupid sheets). Also, I’m not even finished with the suit. Oh well, you can’t always have top notch, can you? Anyway, my stomach is growling. So bye. 

Hiiii xxx. I’ve obviously gone all British, haven’t I? Oh, I wish. Get ready for a really long post. Or just don’t read at all. I won’t be bothered – after all, this is for my enjoyment only. Yesterday was actually really fun. Like, the most fun I’ve had in quite a while. We started at my friend’s flat with her flat mate and some fellow classmates. And basically, we were chatting and playing games whilst my friend was playing old school songs and kept shouting “if you don’t know this song, then ..” and gave us a disappointed face. It was really amusing, because the first thing I heard when I walked inside the door was her shouting “girl power”. I guess you can call her a bit of a feminist. Well, not a bit. A feminist. And then we danced around to old Britney Spears’ songs and span around (quite literally – I was lifting my friend whilst spinning around). The birthday girl came over and we danced even more. And at 11:00 pm we were supposed to leave for this nightclub. Except we didn’t really leave until 11:30 pm. That’s what you get with drunken people going to the loo every second, and people trying to remember their id (alright, I tend to forget my id whenever I go out, so my friends pester me about it). And guess what? We got into the club for freeeeeee. Everybody loves free stuff, don’t they? I do feel a bit like a parent when I go out with people. When it’s only people I know, I’m not too worried; because I know they can take care of themselves and won’t go running off with someone. But with people I don’t really know that much, I get a bit more worried about. And I am right to be worried when someone runs right out in the middle of the road, am I not? Thing is, we were attending some kind of event for law students, because my good friend aka birthday girl is a law student. Imagine really posh people. Yeah, law students are kind of like those. I spent most of my time at the dance floor to be honest. And when Teenage Dirtbag was played, I was kind of in euphoria. Just really really happy and excited. And finally I have some friends who also appreciate old school music. 

The thing about dancing at the dance floor at nightclubs is that at some point you will be felt up (I guess it mostly counts for women, although there are probably a lot of women with grabby hands. So lads, watch out). Or yeah. So here’s a scenario. At one point you are dancing with you friends, having the time of your life. And then a guy shows up beside you, brings his arms around your waist. And you think “whatever”, because you are happy and dancing and having the time of your life with your friends. All of a sudden you’re not really dancing with your friends, but with him. And you are way closer to him then you were originally. And his hands are definitely roaming your body in a non-platonic way. And this time you think “well, that escalated quickly”. But still you continue, because, you’re just dancing, right? And then it’s like oops. Because is that his hands down your pants one second, and then his hands leading your own hands down his arse? Yeah it is. And here is the cross road. You can continue this thing. Or you can run off like Cinderella. Except you don’t lose one of your shoes. Your choice. 

After losing my friend’s flat mate (she ran away with someone), we took a cab to a kebab shop. Because we were hungry and tired. Well, most of us were. To our dismay, the kebab shop was closed when we arrived. But then another taxi driver rolled down his window and hollered to us that there was another kebab shop hundred meters away. Turns out that was closed too. So when we gave up the hunt for some kebab, we decided to go to another shop we knew was supposed to be open. But then we stumbled across another kebab shop, which indeed was open. And there we met a med student, who was really nice. And smart too. We started quizzing him about blood circulation and hormones just to check if he really was a med student. And he was. Apparently he was being a good friend to his friend who had just broken up with his girlfriend, by shagging him (most probably a joke). And I suggested that he’d spoon him afterwards too. And then we got a “how to” spoon lesson, which was quite amusing if I may say so. Also a bit charming. His friend, however, was not so charming. Basically he said that nurses suck, at which I gave him the finger and decided to not speak with him anymore. Honestly, at that point I wasn’t really talking to anyone as I was struggling to shovel some kebab in my mouth with my shaking hand (very very cold). And then some drunken man decided that this was a good moment to speak to us. I think he asked if we were all liars, and that he hated liars. I said something like “there are loads of liars in the world”, and he answered “is that so?”. He continued chatting to us – well, me and the med student, because I’m pretty sure the others were still arguing with the douchebag friend. Well actually, mostly just to the med student, because I had again turned my focus to my shivering hands and kebab. So when the med student turned to me in confirmation of what he’d just said to this drunken man that hates liars, I just nodded along as if I knew what he had been saying. I think it was something about  .. actually, I really don’t remember. Nevertheless, I said to the drunken man that he shouldn’t hang with us because we were a bunch of liars. And I guess he kind of took my word, and went away. I’ve got to say; drunken people can be quite fascinating sometimes. Especially if it’s your friends. They can say some real shit sometimes. 

Nevertheless, we said our goodbyes to the med student and the douchebag friend and walked home to my friend’s. I think I went to bed at 3:30. Or maybe it was 4:30? I don’t know. All I know is that I had a hard time falling asleep and woke up quite abruptly at 10:00 am. I don’t quite know what it was. Maybe the sudden warmth, or the fact that I was sleeping in someone else's bed, or the fact that this bed was in another direction than my bed at home. After rolling around for a few minutes I decided to get up. And there was my friend, cleaning up after yesterday’s shenanigans. After a while my friend who lives in this flat woke up, and her flat mate who we lost yesterday showed up at the door. And after trying to call her a thousand times yesterday, I was a bit relieved. Even if I’d only known her for 12 hours then. We ended up watching Bridget Jones (because we were singing all by myseeeelllf, don’t wanna be.. yesterday). And midways of the movie, the birthday girl strolled in after sleeping sound for  several hours more than the rest of us. The thing is (I do say this phrase quite a lot, don’t I?), that this flat has a really nice view and a good window to sit in and enjoy a bit of people spotting. And that’s basically what I did most this morning. 

After arriving at home, I decided to finally do some cleaning. I’ve been saying to myself that I need to clean my bedroom for weeks. I’m the kind of person that cleans very thoroughly. So whenever I do clean, it takes me ages. And I guess that’s why I’ve been postponing it. Until today. Today I rearranged the furniture in my bedroom, stacked away my brothers things. Because my current room used to be my brothers’. And I’ve never removed his things, because I still think of it as his bedroom. But I did today, and god – so much dust. I hate dust. So now I’m actually using my closet for clothes, and my books are finally out on display. Right now I’m watching Idol 10 years. And wow. So many memories! And I can’t believe that I actually know the names of most of the people. I think Idol is the only reality show I’ve been following throughout the years. Everything else has just not won me over I suppose. People – my broseph is leaving tomorrow. Which is why I’m sitting in the living room right now with my brother. It’s hard whenever my siblings go back home, just because - well obviously I like having them here. But now my brother has been here for three weeks. So I’ve gotten used to having him back home. And now he’s leaving yet again. I remember when he moved from home. I was quite gutted actually. Oh well. We must enjoy the time we have with loved ones the best that we can muster. And then life goes on. 

what was I just about to discover when I got too close for comfort

After seeing that video with Tom Fletcher, I started listening to McFly, and I realised I might have had a little obsession with their music earlier in my days. Because Too Close For Comfort sounded really familiar. Not in the way where it sounds like another song, but as in I’ve listened to it loads before. I think it was within my crazed Jonas period, because I can remember that McFly was a guest at a Jonas Brothers show, and from then on I guess I kind of listened to them too. The only reason I couldn’t remember this, is because my infatuation with McFly was short-lived. Nevertheless, Too Close For Comfort and All About You are on replay now. This (picture) is the birthday card I was speaking about earlier this week. And I quite like it, even though my Globus is kind of off. According to me Denmark doesn’t even exist. And I do not understand what I’ve done between Africa and Asia. Is that India? Oh well. My pal turned 20 today, so we are going out tonight to celebrate. And then I’m sleeping over at my friends. Which, yeah, I’ve been sleeping over at someone’s for the past three weekends. My mum didn’t even look that fazed when I asked her. Sometimes I don’t ask, I just tell her that I’m going to sleep over at a friend’s. Whenever I go to my best friend she asks me if I’m going to sleep over, because, well. I almost always do. I’m going to jump in the shower now, because I need to get my arse to the mall as well. But first, can I speak about One Direction? Yesterday Zayn tweeted a picture of sleeping Harry (my precioussss), Harry tweeted two pictures of Niall (nipple slip), and all the band members (as in those who play instruments, except Dan) tweeted pictures of them with Niall. Because Niall plays the guitar a lot more on this upcoming tour, so he needs practice too. And I just felt a bit overwhelmed with all the pictures. And cute Harry sleeping like a baby. I feel like one of those fangirls crying because of all the “feels”. Okay, right, going to shower now. 

you are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen

Harry, babe -- have I ever told you how much I love you? No? Well, I do. I think sometimes people tend to forget that Harry here doesn't spend 24/7 sleeping with girls (or ladies). Sometimes he's just plain silly. 

hold me close and say three words, like you used to do

If you watched this and didn't become emotional -- well, I'm judging you. My tears were streaming freely down onto the papers I'm currently cutting - because there's nothing better than tear-stained paper (sense the sarcasm). Tom Fletcher, what a sweetheart. I've never been a huge fan of McFly. Not because I dislike them, just because I was too young when they were "big". I firstly learned about them through Singstar, as I was belting out the lyrics to Obviously. I think he's definitely outdone everyone when it comes to wedding speeches, although he did cheat a bit. Nevertheless, I'd be afraid to make a wedding speech now, after seeing his. And if you didn't realise, the melodies he uses for the songs are actual McFly songs. So, if you like boybands and harmonies, I'd suggest you go listen to All About You by McFly. It's kind of really lovely. 

Well shit. I was looking through Tumblr, trying to find some inspiration for this birthday card I am currently trying to make. And I came across this picture saying “Every song ends. Is that a reason not to enjoy the music?”. And I just thought it was brilliant. You can interpret it the way you want. But the way I see it, is that music is a metaphor for love? Friendship? Something like that. And I kept thinking; yeah, I always go looking for new music. New songs to fall in love with. And sometimes I go back to old favorites. This was before I thought of music being a metaphor. And then I just had an epiphany. I just, yeah. I think half of the time I don’t even make any sense. So I’m very sorry that this might be confusing. And bullshit.

high·fa·lu·tin – pretentious, fancy. This is my new favorite word, with exception of Saiorse. But that is Irish, so it doesn’t count. Also, I kind of have a list of favorite words. I probably have a list for everything (quotes, fanfiction, words, etc). I searched up the word “askew” on Google, because it is also a favorite of mine. And suddenly my Google was askew, at which I was really fascinated and decided to run downstairs and tell my siblings. I didn’t shout it out immediately, I just picked up the iPad and tried Googling it (it didn’t work on iPad, so it probably won’t work on anything else than computers). And my brother was mumbling “so much drama”. And as I was panting (because my stamina is lacking) whilst typing in “askew” on the iPad, I looked up at the television in question, because there was nothing dramatic on the telly. “What drama?” I proceeded asking my brother, the iPad long forgotten. He sighed and didn’t answer, so I repeated my question. “Well, you came running downstairs with a thud and you were panting – a very dramatic entrance, if you ask me”. And then I remembered the reason why I had come running downstairs – askew. And I told them about it, well, mainly my younger sister who was eating pizza. My sister told me that it’s the same with other words too in utter lack of fascination. So I turned to my brother, who was looking at his computer screen with a smile on his face. And I was like, “well, you should all try it anyways”, and ran back upstairs.

So there you have it my friends, I am fascinated by small things. And I don’t think that’s a stupid thing either. I think people should be fascinated by small things. By things that we think are expected to be. I’m going to insert one of my favorite quotes by Jostein Gaarder (The Solitaire Mystery): “How terribly sad it is that people are made in such a way that they get used to something as extraordinary as living”. Also, I’m pretty sure I read something similar in one of Jostein Gaarder’s novels – it was something about people losing their childish imagination and fascination. Like how children can be awed by looking at cars. And they babble things like “Look at that car! It’s so big” with eyes wide and mouth open in fascination. And the grown-ups will be like “Yes, yes, it is indeed big. Now come along” in a hurried and un-caring voice as they grab the child’s hand and tag them along to wherever.

Also – a new weird fact about me: except for television shows and movies I’ve already watched, I now find it weird when people speak with an American accent. Well, anything but British. And this is really confusing my mind, because whenever I do speak English, I don’t know whether I should be speaking with a British or American accent. Oh god, I’m planning on reading The Hobbit, and now I just tried reading a bit out loud in an American accent. And it didn’t work, because I kept on going all British. Well, I am never speaking English out loud ever again (that is utter bullshit; “never say never” ala the philosophic of Bieber). I hope you’ve had a lovely day at school or work or whatever, whilst I’ve been in bed sleeping most of the time. Insert evil laughter. Right, onwards with life! 

Wow, I am a bit flabbergasted. I was expecting a lot, but not this much. It's clever really, it's so much to watch, you kind of have to watch it multiple times before you've seen everything. And yeah, that's what my night will be spent doing - watching this over and over and over again. Luckily I don't have school tomorrow. God, my Tumblr dashboard will be filled with gif's from this music video for ages. I can't make up my mind if I actually will be bothered or not. Probably won't if those blue blue eyes of Niall Horan will appear. 

I said that's fine, but you're the only one who knows I lied

Hello my darlings. The last 24 hours have been quite a lovely time. My friend celebrated her birthday yesterday, and we went to this snug and charming place where we ate pizza and drank wine. The pizza was really good, and the wine was surprisingly good seeing as I’m not too fond of wine. Also, the dessert was really good too. The others ordered a chocolate fondant. And as much as I was tempted, my really tight skirt would not allow me to eat much more. So note to myself: do not wear skirts if you plan on eating a lot. And then we chatted about loads of things, and we probably could have stayed so much longer. But because I live quite far away from Oslo, I had to catch the train and whatnot. So at almost 1:00 am, I was at my best friend’s house. Because I had originally planned on spending the day with her. And then we ended up going downstairs to eat at 3:00 am, and watched the Percy Jackson movie. And wow, I’ve seen Logan Lerman in The Perks of Being a Wallflower. But in the Percy Jackson movie he was almost a replica of Zac Efron. Not necessarily the looks, though my best friend seems to think so, but his body language. And his voice, and how he speaks. And wow, I’m pretty sure I said something like “it’s like a piece of Zac Efron’s soul is in his”. Yeah, and then I fell asleep at 6:00 am. Lovely, it’s not like my circadian rhythm is screwed up enough. Before I went home today, we watched old video clips from when we were younger. And wow, it makes me want to film everything. It was so amusing, though I’m glad I didn’t see my face too much. Because cringe. It’s so awkward seeing yourself from younger days. Even if it’s just a year ago. Now I’m going to catch up on Youtube videos, and actually do some school stuff. Yep, and I’m not going to read any fan fictions tomorrow. Nope, I’m actually going to listen to the lecturer (mainly because I can’t find any new fan fiction, but let’s pretend I’m just really good and have great will power). Also, I've fallen back in love with Ed Sheeran. Just because I tend to fall in love with his voice about 10-15 times a year. 

There are so many kinds of love. So many love stories; bad and good. Still, it is love, is it not? And there are so many times we see destructive love, where people end up hurt in some way. And then it’s suddenly not love anymore. It’s just a destructive relationship. But how do you define love? How do you point to a relationship, and say “that’s not love”. I’m not trying to defend violent relationships, or mentally abusive relationships. Or anything in the category “destructive relationships”. I’m just wondering, if we struggle so much about defining existential questions, it should be a struggle with “love” too. And yes, you may go ahead now and think that I am being a bit weird and depressive. And I am. Because I’ve just spent hours reading a fan fiction. And I know you all think of “fan fiction” as something silly and written by a lone teenager in her pink bedroom. Truth is that these are some future authors out there. Sometimes I think maybe I’m wasting all this time, just reading. But when I feel broken, my eyes are read from crying, and my nose is running. I think, that, yeah, that was time spent well. There are few movies even, that can actually make my gut wrench. And I love sad movies. And I am even scared to admit that some of the fan fiction I have read, are even better than my favorite book, my favorite author. And this is something I’ve been adamant to ignore – because Marian Keyes, she is my queen. At least she used to. I just think that if someone actually manages to write and then make you feel the emotions, then it’s gold. I suppose it’s the same with a song. It’s like when I listen to Daughter, and I just feel angrysadangrysad. God, she has even infiltrated my dreams. I dream of being screwed over, of being cheated on, of being depressed. And I let it happen. I let the sadness seep beneath my skin, because I’m content this way. I’m actually content being sad. And what the fuck? I am so confused over myself. I can’t even figure out myself. And these feelings. I’m happy one minute, and then I’m sad the other. Oh right, happiness and sadness is a state of mind, not a goal. So yeah, maybe it’s normal. But I think I feel way too content being sad. And my best friend did say I’m good at being depressing. I just feel it’s a bit fucked up, isn’t it? This is another bullet point for why I don’t understand how I have friends. Don’t worry. In a minute or two I’ll be fine again, and I’ll make birthday cards and try to write witty things. 

all I know is we said hello, and your eyes look like coming home

I had several “kind of” epiphanies today. First of all – maybe I should just quit school all together. Also, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a loner that doesn’t like talking. And that makes me wonder why I’ve even got friends? Today my friend told me that I’m good at being depressing. Also she was really honored when I let her borrow my beloved drawing pen. I think that says a few things about me. Bear in mind that this is one of my closest friends, whom I see pretty much all the time. Also, I was actually really happy when she told me that I was good at being depressing. And at the bus home I read another fan fiction (because I read fan fiction everywhere including when I have lectures at school), and it said something about happiness not being allowed because they were all supposed to be disaffected hipsters. And I nearly cackled out loud then, because hipster. Does this mean I am a hipster too? This is now one of my favorite fan fictions ever. At the moment I am conversing with my other best friend of years (can’t be bothered to calculate how long because I can’t remember at the moment, and I don’t particularly want to remember because that means I actually have to use my brain), and I asked her why we even are friends. And she basically answered that she didn’t know, and I quote “I’m a useless friend I guess”. What does that even mean? That I like useless people? Also, no, you’re not useless. You are a real good therapist in my opinion, even though half of the time I am voicing my thoughts, you are half-asleep. Also you cook real well with exception of that one time I was involved and dropped a load of salt on that chicken. Or was it pepper? Nevertheless, the taste was not optimal. Also, I like to think that I can seek refuge at your place, and at some points in my life I feel like I’ve even lived in your house. So yeah, the conclusion is that I’m using you. So if you are “useless”, I am using you. On a happier note; look at my socks! These were one of my Christmas presents, and one of those who excited me the most, which sounds really pathetic. But they are so cute. And look at the colors - so pretty. The conclusion to this search of understanding myself better, is that I am really weird. 

Louis' too tired to cry. He's learned long ago tears don't help anyway.

I finally found a new drawing notebook after strolling around at the mall today. It’s not the same as my old one, which annoys me immensely because the actual sheets aren’t the same. Does this even make sense to you?? Oh well, I’ll survive. I sometimes wish I was an introvert that spent all their time drawing in a corner of the library. Well, not really, but yeah. And here’s my drawing I wrote about yesterday. A whale? Well, Louis doesn’t cry. And according to what I’ve read on Google, whales don’t cry either. They just make sounds that sound like crying. I must admit that I’m very fond of it, because I love the different shades of blue. And the author really loved it, which made me really happy. That is before I read her other fan fiction, which made me cry. Anyway, I’ve somehow got it in my mind that it’s soon summer. And I’m like bringing out all of my summer clothes. But to be fair, I did use to wear shorts in the middle of winter before. I’ve just somehow stopped for reasons unknown. Oh my god people, I start school tomorrow. I wish I could just crawl beneath my duvet and stay. I read up on my new schedule for the next few months. And oh my god cringe - I'm going to die. Of exhaustion. Anyways, I'm currently listening to BBC Radio 1 breakfast show, because I'm still a bit infatuated with Nick Grimshaw. And his groggy voice. And his quiff. And his lanky body. Oh my god, facepalm. I'm also drawing something new; my favorite line from the song Invented by Jimmy Eat World. And internal cringe, because this new drawing notebook is not as good as my old. The sheets really do make a difference. Ugh, I'm going to go looking for my old one forever now. I feel like a five year old throwing a tantrum. 

you fill my lungs with sweetness

I’ve been painting. Filled in the “broken heart” picture I drew last week, and this. It’s lyrics from my absolute favorite song at the moment. Bloom by The Paper Kites. The lyrics are so lovely, and it’s the kind of “I’ve fallen in love” song, not the gloomy and morose types that I have been loving lately. I’ve also painted one of my favorite lines from a fan fiction. It is more of a gift for the author to show my appreciation. But I quite love it, and I’ll maybe post it here tomorrow.

It’s 2013 if you didn’t know. I spent my New Year’s Eve with two of my closest friends, and we ate a lovely dinner and dessert afterwards. We did start off having a Lord of The Rings marathon, but the movies never end. And they are kind of heavy. There is so much information in such a little amount of time. So we decided to have a Harry Potter marathon instead. So now I’ve finally seen the last three movies. Ha, yes, I am well aware that I’m a bit late. We did of course watch the fireworks and some popped sparkling wine. And my friend happens to have the most amazing view, so it was quite amazing. We even saw flying lanterns! Anyhow, considering we had a marathon, we were up all night, and I swear, I almost fell asleep standing.

When I came home, I fell at sleep at 5:00 pm, woke up at 1:00 am, ate and went on Tumblr until 3:00 am. Fell asleep and woke up at 01:00 pm. So yeah, I was kind of knackered, and it was really really lovely to sleep. About my goal to read three books before the holiday is over – I think I’m not going to do that. Not because I can’t. Just because the third book is a real bore. But I think I’m going to start on another book that’s been in my collection unread for ages. I suppose it’s time to actually read it.