I hope it made you feel good, knowing how much I adored you

I don’t know why infidelity is such a touchy subject to me. As far as I'm aware, I've never experienced or known anyone who’s experienced it. On like a serious level, that is. I don’t think I was even aware of how much of a touchy subject it is to me, until I read this fan fiction I read just now. And I've somehow just realised why Daughter’s songs pierces through me as well. I think the thing is- I like solutions. Does that make sense? Whenever I stumble upon a problem, I’d rather find the solution than mope. With infidelity I don’t know. Do you choose to leave or stay if someone cheats on you? To me it almost stays unsolvable. Course, if the guy is a jerk, then there's no question. But what if it's the guy you've been with for eight years, and he's the one. And you know each other's quirks twists, and the amounts of freckles, and how he looks when he's lying to his parents. And after everything, you still love him. Society says you should go, he’s not worth it. Respect yourself, don't go back to him! But you still love him, and you feel so ashamed for it. And you hate him for what he’s done, for what he’s ruined, and you want to kill him. But not really, because you love him, but you’re so angry. But you still want him to dry your tears and cuddle you, and even after you've kicked him out of your house, everything reminds you of him. I just—I don’t know. If someone were to ask me about infidelity, asked me what I’d do, then I don’t think I could answer. No one can really, I don’t think one single person can wholeheartedly say “I would leave” before experiencing it. Did she make your heart beat faster than I could? Did she give you what you hoped for?