I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?

"The world is not a wish granting factory". Yesterday Marble messaged me, saying she'd read The Fault In Our Stars and that she liked it. I've actually only read it twice, but I reckon it'll be one of those I go back to read regularly. The quote is from the book, and it's just so good. It's a book that I hands down can say I actually love. Maybe I'll read it during Easter, actually. Anyway, apart from the songs on my playlist (I'm shamelessly going to plug it, because, hello, the songs are my current favourites, ergo it's my favourite playlist, ha), I've fallen in love with Stay With Me by Sam Smith. I did say that I thought Sam Smith would be a new artist to look out for, and I still stand by it. Sadly the song isn't out yet, hence why I kept pushing the repeat button on Youtube yesterday. Hence my picture too; I just fell in love with the lyrics, as I always tend to do. And I was conveniently reading a sad fan fiction, which was such a funny coincidence, because I was just reading: "[...] waiting for him to ask him to stay, and Nick wants to so badly. He tries to smile". It was just perfect timing for the song, and it made me burst into tears. That, and because I was feeling strangely emotional yesterday. I think it was just a mixture of a wish to cry, and frustration in not finding a good research article (arggggggghhhh), and other emotions-- that made me a bit of a weirdo. I couldn't even focus on the burn in my limbs as I was exercising, because I still had a feeling like I would just start crying. And I nearly did, whilst planking. It's only ten days until I leave, and I think that was a part of my emotional roller coaster yesterday, because it dawned on me that I'll come home to my sister's house, and the house will be filled with family shortly after I've arrived. But it'll still feel like something is missing, and there is. I'll only have one dog to cuddle up to, don't I? Oh dear, here comes the waterworks. Anyway, I've been enjoying sleeping in for a bit, and I didn't properly wake until 8:10 am this morning, which is why I missed a bit of Grimmy's show. But at the end they played Ignition by R.Kelly on the Breakfast show, which is one of my favourite jams. I think, just looking at the songs I'm mentioning in this blogpost, and the songs on my "temporarily" playlist, it says a lot about my music taste. Today I have to find a research article, I've not got another choice. But first I should probably get some lunch. Have a good day! 

So just grab somebody. No leavin' this party with nobody to love

I believe in quite a few things. 1. Having after-midnight raves for yourself with your favourite music. 2. Soaking up the sun by tilting your face towards the sun and closing your eyes. 3. Deliberately forgetting something downstairs, so you have to get up and move from wherever you're sat. 4. Chocolate crackers and tea. 5. Daydreaming when you're sat at the train or the bus. I am still in love with Nobody To Love by Sigma. It's just such a good tune, aaah. I'll have to see how long it lasts, how long until I start resenting it, ha. But I hope it'll grow popular, and that it'll be played in clubs and stuff. Also, today I didn't wake up to see my pillow on the floor, so that's a good sign. It's been sunny today too, so I've been sat outside for a bit, reading. I was reading research articles, trying to keep updates. And I was listening to music as per usual, this time to some random playlist at 8tracks that I deemed suitable when I searched up the words "chill" and "study". The fourth song on the playlist was Same Love by Macklemore, and it made me smile because it reminded me of something I became aware of today via Twitter. The law about same sex marriage in England and Wales has begun today. It makes me happy because it's one step closer to equality for everyone. To say there is equality for everyone, I think, is the same as saying there's no bullying in high school. Meaning it's a ridiculous statement. And I am very adamant about fighting for things that are basic human rights. Anyway, whilst sat outside my mum basically put a pump of sun lotion on my arm, forcing me to use sun lotion. Which is very important, but it's so easy to not use it, when you're just supposed to sit outside for a bit. Anyway, now I smell like summer, which is always a good thing. I actually went to bed at 1:30 am yesterday, so I woke up at 9:30 am today-- and I was starving. I went to bed late because I watched The Change Up with Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds. And wow, they weren't kidding when they said it was R-rated. I don't think it's gotten very good reviews, but I'll always watch a comedy with Ryan Reynolds. I personally thought it was very funny, and I was sat hunched over, silently laughing last night. I was originally going to watch something sad because I had an immense urge to cry. But I couldn't find anything I'd give a go, and I realised then, that I would much rather read a book than watch a movie. But it was too late to start any book, so I went with The Change Up. Anyway, I very nearly fell over on my way up the stairs moments ago. Just when Monchita asked if I wanted to have spaghetti tonight. I said alright, though it's one of her favourite meals and not mine. I'm going to continue trying to find a relevant research article, and try to write something about it (sigh). I am also going to enjoy that it's Saturday, and not Sunday as I thought this morning. Also, the good weather. And the chocolate my sister gave me. So many things to be thankful for, so I'm just going to enjoy everything. Have a lovely day xx. 

We're a thousand miles from comfort, we have traveled land and sea. But as long as you are with me, there's no place I'd rather be

Hiya then. For the past two days I've woken up to discover one of my pillows on the floor. In the same spot too. Thought it was a bit strange, and I'll see if it continues. I woke up at 7:00 am today, and I listened to Grimmy as usual. I left the house at 11:00 am, and I got to school an hour later. I had to stop by the library, because I thought I'd do some work on the paper this weekend. And I hadn't actually planned to sit down at school, but I found a unoccupied room. I asked whether someone wanted to join me, but only Kiwi came to join me (not too long after). We had a bit of a catch up. Because, well, I don't think I've seen her since last Friday. We actually left school at 5:20 pm, and the weather was still really good. It was proper spring weather today, and I walked through the park to see a group of people sitting on the grass. I almost felt a bit summery. I even wore my summer jacket today. It seems like it's going to be good weather the next days too, so I'll try to take advantage of it. It's strange how I could recognise you from my peripheral vision. Didn't have to take a glance at your face, even. We've not properly seen each other since we were fourteen maybe. Still, I recognised you from the way you walk. Because after years, I still remember. When I got home from a mostly empty train and bus (ahh, the joys of public transport when it's not rush hour), I ate, exercised and had a shower. Now I've just been sat reading a bit about Ireland, and avoided reading that book I was planning on reading forever ago. I think maybe I'll have to return it to the library, unread. I don't very much enjoy forcing books upon myself if I don't enjoy them. Reading should be enjoyment, I think. And not rushing through it because you want to be finished. Although I do find myself doing it from time to time. Oh well, have a nice night! 

I know you're tired of loving, with nobody to love

I've made a new playlist on 8tracks if anyone's interested in listening to my current favourites, ha. The first song by Sigma is sadly just a clip, because the song isn't actually released until April 6th. Basically, if you've been listening to Bound 2 by Kanye West, you might recognise it. It also happens to be my favourite part of Bound 2, which sounds a bit like three songs in one. The playlist also includes Waiting Game by Banks, because Marble has been insistent that I have to listen to Banks. And I think Waiting Game is a good one. Apart from that, I've just been listening to Grimmy this morning. And each day I get to listen to Grimmy is usually a good day. It also makes be grow fonder of him, which, I'm not so sure is a good idea. As you might have noticed-- when I become a proper fan of someone, I do it properly. I am very sad that I didn't realise it was #AirMaxDay yesterday, and didn't get my kicks out. Oh well, maybe next year. I did take two pictures of them though. If I were rich, I would probably buy loads of Air Max' and display them on a shelf. It's not even a joke. It is exactly a fortnight until I leave for Aalesund, and I'm already planning what to pack in my mind. We've just gotten a mail from our teacher regarding the paper, and I am slightly scratching my head, because due to a few things, we'll be a bit postponed. Reasonably, that makes me a bit stressed out, because it means we'll have less time to do the most important part of the writing. I still think it'll be okay in the end, I just have to try not stress too much about everything. Plus, we don't even get a grade on our work, which makes me feel a bit ridiculous for caring so much. But I've always been dutiful. Anyway, I've been to the library today, mainly to look for books related to my paper. But because I didn't find any, I ended up with travelling books instead. It's always good to plan on beforehand when you're going on short trips. It just maximises your experience. I've also cleaned out my closet, which was something I had decided to do weeks ago. Also colour-coordinated my clothing, so it looks all nice now. Only, it makes me realise how many black, grey and white clothing items I own. I keep going shopping and not finding anything that I properly like, though. It's good for my economy, the environment, etc. But it does look pretty dark in my closet, ha. Oh well, have a nice evening xx. 

there is no other time, no other place

Hey hey hey! Good afternoon, or not so good, I guess. News in says that Chris Martin (Coldplay) and Gwyneth Paltrow are splitting up? What is wrong with the world? Why is everyone splitting up? In Adele's words: "sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead". Whilst Niall was greeting The Queen (she get's capital letters) yesterday, Harry and Ed Sheeran was spotted together at Lou Teasdale's book launch. And since everyone seems to know each other, a lot of my favourite people were gathered: Not to mention, Lou herself, who I adore. And Gemma Styles (I am in love with her hair, and herself), Caroline Flack, Liam (Payne), Jim Chapman (youtuber) and Tanya Burr (youtuber). Oh here's a picture of Gemma and Harry together too. I spent this morning gaping at the pictures, because honestly there is a thread between all the British people, I feel like. I did splutter this out to Monchita, who was sat at the dining table eating dinner, pretending to sound interested. After I'd gotten that off of my chest, I looked through Twitter, and of course The 1975 played "call or delete" (a game where you have to scroll through your phone list and stop when the opponent says 'stop'. And then you either have to delete the number, or call and prank the person) with Grimmy today (or, well, it was pre-recorded on Monday). And of course they ended up calling Niall and Harry. Niall didn't pick up, probably because they were actually filming that video the day they recorded this game of "call or delete". Nevertheless, it was quite hilarious. And then they called Dan from Bastille. Like, basically, all of my favourite people. Anyway, I've been to school today, and though we didn't get as far as hoped, we did manage to do the things we could do. We're all just a bit confused, due to a lot of reasons. And when we tried to reach our teacher today, she was not available. It sucks a bit, because we'll probably have to wait until next week before we get a proper answers to our questions. Which means we'll lose time. I took the train home with Sally, and then I met a pal from high school. My weekend has sort of already arrived, except I still have to find a proper research article. But knowing myself, I'll probably procrastinate and avoid doing any work until I really need to. Or maybe not, maybe I'll surprise myself. Nevertheless, I have to write down a list of all the things I'm supposed to do within two weeks. Just so I can get an overview, and maybe be a bit more organised. Anyway, have a nice Wednesday afternoon! 

I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar

For some reason, I had expected the new "praksis" and the next ten weeks to be more relaxed than a normal "praksis". But as of right now, I feel a bit stressed out. Partly because I'm still not quite sure what we're supposed to do in this strange "praksis", and partly because of the amount of papers we've got to do. For next week I'll have to find another research article, which has become one of my least favourite things to do. There's just a lot of things I need to do within a short amount of time, and when I don't sit down to plan whenever I'm supposed to do these things, they end up just circling around in my head. Which somehow confuses my brain into thinking I have loads to do, and it ends up stressing me out. But then again, I just wrote the solution, didn't I? I've got to plan it out-- it's just, I can't actually plan everything out. Ugh. Anyway, my group and I sat down after school today, and we had a chat about the theme for our paper, and just general chat. It was very nice, and I actually think it'll be okay. Luckily enough, I've just been in "praksis" with Allie and Sally, so I'm already on a good wavelength with them. Also, I've been in a previous "praksis" with another girl in my group, and then I just worked together with another girl in my group for the last paper I had. And now I'm going to work with another girl in my group for the first bit of the paper. So, I'm sort of being strategic and trying to work with everyone, so I'll get used to their ways of working. And this way I also get to know people better. It's not actually been an intentional thing I do, more like an accidental thing because we switch groups all the time, and therefore I have to work with new people all the time. But it's really good for me, having to step outside of my comfort zone. I like to think that it makes me grow as a person. Sally and I took the train home together today, and for the first time, she walked the way I usually walk. I've always told her it's a lot prettier to walk through the park, and she agreed to it today. Especially with the lovely and blinding sun. Sally exclaimed "I can wear a cardigan only, in April! No, I mean, in March!". Which reminds me-- it's April next week. Seriously, it's APRIL. That's crazy. This also means it's only two weeks left before I go to Aalesund. Which is also one of the reasons for my high stress level. And because I'm so good at procrastinating. Like, the first thing I did when I got home today, was to read two fan fictions. Luckily I've got enough experience with loads of school work to know that I'll get through this. Key word is: self-efficacy. Anyway, and onto a whole other subject-- rumours are that Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are expecting. And though I'm not like a huge fan of either of them, I did use to watch quite a bit of The 70's Show. So I'm really happy about them ending up together. One Direction was filming some video(s) yesterday, and I am pondering whether it is a music video, or if it's for the Where We Are Tour. I'm sure it will be exciting anyway. I think maybe I should go do some school work now, be a bit more productive with my time. Be a proper student, maybe. 

sing that song to me

There should be a soundtrack to everything. Like, a soundtrack to the book you're currently reading, one for when you're going to the shops, one for when you're about to go home, one for when you're on your way to have an exam. I just think it should be a soundtrack to everything, imagine how lovely it would be, yeah? I'm a bit tired this morning, as I woke up at 7:00 am. For the past week, I've outgrown the habit of going to bed at 10:00 pm and waking up at 6:00-7:00 am. I don't know whether I should be happy about that or not. When I slept over at Oyster's, I went to bed at 2:30 am, I think. That's the latest I've gone to bed in ages, and yes, I keep count. Oyster and I watched Frozen on Saturday night, and had brownies and ice cream to snack on. I am probably going to get addicted to cake/pastries now, like, my stomach and brain has gotten used to having it each weekend. It's not enough with chocolate any more, in fact, I could probably just skip the chocolate and eat cake instead. Anyway, I've heard so much about Frozen from social media (Twitter, Tumblr) and I remember Sugar sending me snaps of the movie ages ago. So when Oyster asked if I wanted to watch it, I immediately said yes. It turned out to be really good. I genuinely liked it a lot, love it even. Oyster and I both agreed that the movie was strangely unpredictable for a Disney movie. I don't want to be a spoiler, but I think it's brilliant because it sort of defies traditional expectations and whatnot, and I thought that was really great. After the movie was finished, I kept singing "do you wanna build a snowman?". Oyster actually said she wished it would be snow then, after we'd finished the movie. And me, the ever confused person that I am, thought for a second "oh, but it is snow, isn't it?". I've had these moments of confusion quite a lot lately. We spent yesterday playing Dance Stage Max with somewhat broken consoles, which made it a bit harder to play. I'll have to bring my own for next time, so we can play with proper consoles. Oyster and I used to play this game a lot when we were younger, so it brought back a lot of memories, reminded me of where I knew a few songs from, and made me a bit nauseous (because it's been a long while since I've sat in front of a TV and concentrated so much at the screen). Each time I've been at Oyster's, I get home, and my clothes smells so distinctly of her house. I think it's a wonderful thing, actually, like the good memories will sit with me a bit longer. And if I happen to have a shitty day, I remember that I've had a good time previously, and the smell will be a reminder. I can't decide whether I think that's creepy or soppy. Also, yes, that's a heart shaped potato. My mum shouted from the kitchen: "anyone wants another potato?". In which I answered "yes", because sometimes I go through these phases of loving potato (now is one of them, it seems). She came bounding over, with a glee on her face. "Here you go," she said, leaving me with a heart shaped potato. I finally caught up on her glee, and laughed partly at her ridiculousness, partly at the heart shaped potato. And then of course, me being me, I took a picture of it. Second picture is the lyrics of Nearly Morning by Luke Sital- Sing, which I think are stunning. Like, that line really hits me in the heart. I still really want you to watch or listen to the live version with Gabrielle Aplin, so I'm going to link to it as per usual. The last picture is from a fan fiction, actually, and I've always said that I think some fan fiction's are brilliant. This is one of them, and I just thought that last part, about keeping the good bits and the bad bits close to your heart was so nice. I love that bit, actually. Anyway, I've been up since 7:00 am, and I've been listening to Grimmy whilst reading a fan fiction about him- again. I'm going to grab some lunch soon, and then I'm going to do some school stuff. Have a nice Monday lovelies xx. 

you get the least, but you give up the most

Morning. Yesterday, as I was sat in the sofa at my belieber friend's I read that 5 Seconds of Summer will be supporting One Direction in the UK and Europe leg too, so I'm bloody overjoyed. I really wanted them to support One Direction last year, as I had no idea who their actual supporter was. I don't think I was the only one either. I'm probably going to end up watching 5SOS' livestream from yesterday (mostly because Niall pops up, who I sometimes think would like to be a part of 5SOS. Or maybe he just becomes best friends with everyone). Oh, so it might not come as a surprise to you that I'm a very strange person (might have been showing pictures of strollers to my friends yesterday), but this Instagram picture includes some of my favourite people who has a relation to Harry Styles. Basically, it's Lou Teasdale, who is One Direction's hair dresser. Then there's Gemma, Harry's sister. And then there's Caroline Flack, who is Harry's ex. A strange mix, perhaps. But I adore them all. It's strange sometimes, how I can probably draw a line between most of British people, like it seems like there's some relation between everyone. Anyway, back to real life-- yesterday was very cosy. Kiwi and I managed to prank my belieber friend, to my huge surprise. We'd faked a giftcard for salsa lessons, and for a minute there it seemed like she was genuinely happy about it, and I looked to Kiwi in horror, because jeez. It would be really terrible to give what you thought was a shitty fake gift, when the person actually would appreciate it. In the end Kiwi told her, and I was laughing so hard, unable to keep a straight face. It was also a terrible idea to give her the gift so shortly after we had finished eating, because I might have eaten too much, and my stomach hurt so much from the laughing. During the past week, we actually managed to buy plane tickets and book a hotel for the Sweden-trip, which is worth celebrating in itself. I was a bit worried we'd just end up putting it off forever. For some reason we started talking about the Hove festival, and Kiwi started reading out all the artists. And the thing is, usually there will be very little artists that's up my street. And therefore I don't usually go for it. But this year-- ugh. There are so many good ones, and I don't know. The problems are: 1. I've no money for it probably (though I might manage to scrape together some money, really). 2. It's in the middle of summer, which is a great time, unless you're working. And the ones I really want to see are on week days. I do want to go though, but I guess I'll just have to wait to see if I can. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and realise you can't do everything you want at the moment, but maybe it'll happen in the future. It's really grey, dreary and heavily raining outside today, so I might stay inside and hide. That is until I leave the house again, to meet Oyster, who I've probably not seen in a month. I've lost count this time, ha. Have a nice Saturday then xx. 

know the feeling, just believe me, it's nearly morning any second now

I woke up to see this, and it totally threw me off again. Like I wasn't emotional enough last night. Anyway, I want you to listen to a song called Nearly Morning by Luke Sital- Sing and Gabrielle Aplin. I've been listening to it for the past days, and you know I've got a thing for harmonies. It's really sunny outside, though the wind is still being an annoying twat. I was just outside, and definitely near impossible to have your hair down. That is unless you like having hair all over your face, and possibly in your mouth. Today I'm off to celebrate my belieber friend's birthday. It's going to be good, having the kilo-gang assembled again. And I'm sure it'll be a good evening. I just hope I don't forget about the time now, and end up sprinting out the door and all of that. I should probably grab some grub before I leave, so that's what I am going to do now. Have a nice Friday xx. 

my stomach screams when I look at you

This breaks my heart. I decided to go through my favourite videos on Youtube, and it's like going back to memory lane. I just watched this for the first time in ages, and it felt like being right back, like they've never left. It's strange, how the sound of their harmonies can make me cry just like that. Thing is, this is from two years ago, and it actually feels like a goodbye. Like they had already decided then, and maybe they had. I hope that when I'm 48, I'll listen to them, and I'll smile brightly and think of my past and teenage years. God, I love them. 

forever I see you and me, forever I'll try for you and I

Hiya, I got myself a new pretty note book. I seem to collect them, as I do with all things. The one with stars and the one with stars are older ones. It feels like the day has lasted for ages. I woke up at 7:00 am, listened to Grimmy, and then prepared for my presentation today. At 10:00 am I got ready to leave the house. I went to meet my group to prepare before our presentation. It gets me each time, these presentations. I used to have them all the time at high school, but now there's a lot of time in between, so I always end up a bit nervous. I met Kiwi a bit before my group, because I was a bit earlier than I had originally calculated. She helped me out with this game I've got on my phone (you hear the sound of a guitar play a song and you have to guess either the song title or artist). Well, mostly it was just me. And I finally figured out who sang the song I was stuck on for ages. I usually play the game until I'm stuck on another song. And now I am, again. Anyway, the presentation was fine, though a bit rushed through because the other groups had used most of the time. What I've learned from today is that my teacher is really strict. Oh well, will probably only do me good in the long run. I walked with Sally to the tram, where we also met Allie who had stalked off earlier. We had a bit of a chat, before I wished them farewell and went to catch the train. Well, on the way I was sort of trying to decide whether I wanted to go to the shops before I took the train, or after. But then Sugar called me and asked me to turn around. When I did so, I firstly noticed the lady who had been walking in front of me in a pace like a slug (slightly exaggerating, maybe). And then I saw Sugar, who after a few seconds reached me. And that sort of decided for me, that I was going to the shops after I'd taken the train. So for the thousandth time, Sugar and I took the public transport together. I'm currently hooked on the album Days Are Gone by Haim. I never thought I would, and now I sort of regret not buying tickets for their gig in Oslo, though I think they were already sold out by the time I noticed. They always are, aren't they? Blah. Anyway, the album's got a 90's feeling to it, almost 80's actually. And well, if you didn't know, I kind of (really) enjoy 80's and 90's music. I mean, I spent the last summer watching music channels dedicated to the two decades. I am probably going to end up buying the album. Oh, and I am also ridiculously in awe of their music video to If I Could Change Your Mind. The moves and their look, it's like travelling back in time. It's the weekend, so I am going to enjoy myself, and relax. Have a nice night? Sleep well, I guess. 

it won't be too long till we're back as one again

My CD-drawer is a mess. It used to be alphabetically sorted, but now I've just been recklessly stuffing all the CD's back in the drawer when I'm done with them. The golden days are over, I guess. Nah, one of these days it'll probably make me crazy, and I'll spend far too much time trying to organise it. Because the lecture was such a fail yesterday, I decided on not attending the lecture today. But who knows, it might have been really good. It seems like the spring was short lived, because this morning the snow seemed never ending. Luckily it's stopped, and some of it has melted. I started the day listening to the Breakfast Show at BBC Radio 1. Jeez, that's such a long title. I'm just going to call it the Breakfast Show, or if I write "I was listening to Grimmy today", it means the same thing. Anyway, I was listening to Grimmy this morning, whilst weirdly reading a fan fiction about him as well. My mind gets a bit confused when I do that, which has become a bit of a scare to me lately. Like, sometimes I'll think something happened in my life, but then I'll realise it's actually something I've read, or it's a film I watched the last week. And reverse too, actually-- sometimes I even think something that's happened in my life is something I read or watched. It's strange, and I'm becoming a loon. "Beware of the loon" should probably be on a sign outside my bedroom. Anyway, so (I've suddenly decided to change the theme to One Direction, ha) Harry's been writing with people like Kodaline and John Legend, then you have Louis and Liam writing with Good Charlotte. And then Niall's been writing with McFly, and Zayn's been in the studio with Naughty Boy and Emeli Sande? I think this says a lot about their individual styles. Also, it makes me wonder how the new album is going to be like. Which is a ridiculous thought, I think, because they did just release a new album less than four months ago. Yesterday, as I was looking around in H&M, I couldn't help to think that we're literally back in the 90's. Ugh, I need to get some colour in my wardrobe, but I love muted colours too much. Anyway, I'm going to prepare for a little presentation tomorrow. Hopefully I'll do good, and it'll be over quickly, so I can start my weekend. It's about three weeks left before I go to Aalesund. I'm so excited! Can't wait to see my sisters and my nephew, and for my whole family to be gathered. And the nature, of course. 

Baby, I don't know just why I love you so. Maybe it's just the way that God made me this day

Hiya. I was a bit sulky today, as I didn't really want to go to school. I sound like a proper brat, don't I? Well, because I am who I am, I decided to go anyway, which made me even sulkier because one: Kiwi ditched the first lecture, which was what I originally wanted to do. Second: the lectures were okay. Like, I already knew what she was saying. And though I enjoy repetition sometimes, I just bahhh. After the first lecture, I went to the loo, and when I got back to the auditorium I was a bit confused. Because there were some people around where my place was. And then my mind recognised them as Kiwi and Allie, who were chatting enthusiastically about dogs. Which was no surprise to me, really, as they both love dogs. After the last lecture I went to the library, before I went to sit down with poor Kiwi who has a bit of a stressful task. I said to Allie, during the lecture: "I'm so glad we're finished with our paper". She nodded eagerly. Not only did I go to the library at school, but also the one close to my home. Because I noticed an error of the amount of books I've actually loaned. So I had to fix it, and it went well. Then I went to the mall in order to buy some bits and bobs, and because I couldn't help myself, I bought a cinnamon bun. It's just, I've been wanting some pastry for ages (I've not had cake in ageeeeeeees). And then I walked past a stack of these (because it was a campaign, sale thing-y) when Marble and I were at the Mall the other day. So when I walked past the bakery, I asked for one. And it was lovely. I love bakeries, actually. It somewhat reminded me of sitting at the bakery, back in Bergen whilst Marble and I were visiting Ale. Anyway, for the past three hours the kilo-gang has been discussing plane tickets and hotels for Sweden. We've now got plane tickets down, only a hotel to go. It's been very stressful as I was also exercising in between (not a very good exercise, ha), and then I had to eat, and now I've showered. I'm quite exhausted and ready to go to bed now, haha. I'm not going, though. I'm staying up until midnight in hope that my hair will air dry by then. I've not got any plans for tomorrow before 10:00 am, so it'll leave me with eight hours of sleep anyway (if I wake up at 8:00 am). So I've got a playlist called "walk with me" and whilst walking this morning, my ears were invaded by the sound of Safe Travels (Peter and The Wolf), before it went on to Hold On, We're Going Home (Pia Mia cover). The next song to invade my ears was Hey There Delilah (Plain White T's), a song about being far away, which I thought was extremely fitting. And guess the next song! Have you guessed? No? It was of course Welcome Home (Radical Face). I just thought it was a really amusing coincidence. Anyway, I'd better go then. 

If the night is burning, I will cover my eyes

Du blir sårbar ved å skrive sannheten, ved å skrive det du har liggende dypt inne i kroppen. Det som du anser som unormalt og utenfor den A4-personen du tror du egentlig skal være. Det klør i kroppen når du skriver det ned på et papir, enten det er med en penn eller et tastatur. For det er som å slå ned den veggen du har rundt deg til vanlig-- det er som om du skulle stått naken på bussterminalen klokken 06:00 på en torsdagsmorgen. Blir du sårbar fordi andre leser det, og tenker noe om deg? Fordi de kan bruke det som ammunisjon mot deg? Eller blir du sårbar fordi du innrømmer noe ovenfor deg selv-- noe som du egentlig ikke vil innrømme? Når jeg søker opp ordet "sårbar" i ordboka, blir det definert som det "som lett kan såres, rammes". Og som et fint eksempel står det "slå til der fienden er mest sårbar". Så kan man vel spørre seg om hvem fienden er, når de sier: you are your own worst enemy. 

put your glad rags on and let's sing along to that lonely song

I am a little, very peeved that I can't watch Grimmy live, cycling. Bah, the downs with not living in Britain. Nick Grimshaw, the radiohost of the Breakfast Show at BBC Radio 1, is cycling for twelve hours combined for Sport Relief. Charity, basically. He's in his eight hour right now, and like-- how are you not dead yet? I don't care what people think about Grimmy, but I love him. And continuing on the list of people I love. It's never been any news to me that Niall Horan befriends everyone. But like, lately it's been a lot of married couples? I suppose it starts with befriending a person, and then their husband/wife too. I think it's a bit endearing, but I also think a lot of things are endearing. So excuse my sappiness. I think I woke up at 6:00 am today, though my alarm was set to 8:00 am. I think it's a combination of the routine of waking up at that time, and the bright light that wakes me up. I do believe that if my room was pitch black, I would have slept a lot longer. But I don't mind, I really like it-- waking up to sun and a blue sky. I was unhealthy and had the last bit of my crisps for breakfast today (I also had proper breakfast in addition), just because I couldn't resist. I went to school at 10:00 am, because my group had planned on working with our paper. And before I knew it, the time was 1:00 pm, and the lecture had already started. We sat for a bit longer, and then I figured it would probably be a waste of time to go sit through the lectures when my head was already filled with it's daily dose of school work. We are basically done with our paper, but I'm going to proof read it today, and then I actually have a lot of spare time this week. That's what happens when you're really effective, ha. I took the train home with Sugar, and I waved to Kiwi this morning. Ha, we were all sat in different places in our big cafeteria. "Where's Kiwi?" Sugar asked me, when I sat down with her, after my group had packed up and left. "Two tables behind you," I answered, a bit amused. I think it says a bit about the size of our cafeteria, when we could have all been sitting in the same cafeteria without noticing each other. Anyway, happy St. Patricks Day to everyone (or all the Irish people). 

your name is tattooed on every boy's skin

Hullo, thus far today I've managed to finish reading another book, this time it was a book filled with prose. I don't usually read prose, and it was more of an accident, than not. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it, and I'm always open to different things to read. It's called Eg er ikkje redd, eg er ikkje redd by Rune F. Hjemås, so it's not the same book as in the first picture. Nope, the book in the picture is an actual novel, and the one I finished reading yesterday. Now, this might make me look like a serial-reader (ha, get it? Oh, I love puns), but they were both really short, so it's not much. But who says you have to write a long book in order to make an impact? Anyway, I also read a research article (thirty pages of yummy content to read. That was so sarcastic I want to -- like, do something dramatic), because I actually managed to read the wrong research article for my group's paper. I'm also soon done reading a fan fiction of 1300 pages on iBook. I've also watched Wuthering Heights. I have read the book once, and it's in my personal collection. It's really morose, but what would you expect of Bronte? The film is also very morose, and I don't know what to think of it really. Just that I've realised it's so much easier watching people die in films, rather than animals. That was the worst part about the movie. However, it was really nice to see Kaya Scodelario again (the girl pictured on the DVD cover). I've really missed her as Effy in Skins. I have also cleaned my bedroom and changed my bedding. So, I've done a lot. I should feel productive, but I feel like there's so much more to do. And that annoys me a bit, that I can't be pleased with myself. The next things I have to do on this dull Sunday afternoon (erm, I think it's snowing?), is to exercise, have a shower and try to finish the group paper. For the past couple of days I've been obsessed with a song called Laura by Bat For Lashes. I don't quite know why, but I just love it. I suppose it brings me emotions. I hope you're all having a relaxing Sunday, which is what it should be.

you're the train that crashed my heart

Hiya pals! Yesterday I watched Appelsinpiken, which I think is one of my favourite Norwegian movies. And it's odd, because it's very romantic, and therefore mostly for romantics. I think a realist would say: "that's not possible" to a lot of scenes in the movie, but eh. I remember watching it at high school, and I started crying. And like, how awkward isn't it to cry in front of your classmates? Well, I didn't actually outright sob or anything, but I had to look to the roof a lot of time, trying to avoid tears. I thought maybe I'd have forgotten a lot of the movie, but as I watched it yesterday, it was almost like I'd just seen it. I have read the book, but I think it's a really good adaptation. Anyway, I bought crisps and chocolate crackers yesterday. Not the healthiest choice, but my good friend Sugar reminded me that you've got to let yourself go sometimes. I've not actually eaten any chocolate crackers yet, so I think they'll last me for the next week. This morning at 11:00 am, I went to the mall to meet Marble. She asked me yesterday if I wanted to join her, and it's been awhile, so I thought why not? It's an ongoing sale at the mall this weekend, and so there were like balloons and everything (half naked guys advertising for underwear). Initially, neither Marble or I had noticed anything out of order. Not until one of the ladies in ALDO said "it's twenty percent off today", and we were like "huh? oh, we didn't notice". And then she looked at us strangely and pointed at the balloons right outside the shop. "You didn't notice all of the decorations?". Well, we hadn't until she pointed it out. We spent three hours browsing the mall, where I got to drag Marble along to interior stores. The good thing about Marble, is that she likes a lot of things, and she's always open for new things. I think we're a lot of alike in that sense. But the point is that her personality allows me to drag her along to a lot of different things. And you can never actually say "no, she won't want to do that", because you never actually know. So I got to look at cups and sofas and tables, and everything. In return I tagged along to all the places she wanted to go. We had lunch, and then some frozen yoghurt as a dessert. "Was it you who made me taste frozen yoghurt?" I asked Marble before we decided to buy some frozen yoghurt. "I think you thought it was okay" "Oh, okay". After finishing my mango and strawberry yoghurt topped with kiwi, pomegranate, and blueberries, I said: "yeah, still think it's okay". I ended up buying some tea, because Sally and I got addicted to this brand of tea at our "praksis". And I also bought this Vitamin E serum by The Body Shop. Now I only need to find a good moisturiser. Because Marble had to wait a bit for her bus home, I asked if she didn't want to kill some time in the library. So we headed to the library, and she browsed through the books related to law, and I found two books about architecture and found myself a chair. I really enjoy just sitting at the library and browsing through different books. I think it's one of my favourite places. That reminds me that, I finally managed to finish reading a book that's been on my desk forever. It's been there for so long that I had to renew my loan on the book. So all in all, I've indulged in a lot of my favourite things today: interior, tea, skincare products, and books. I'd almost forgotten that it's iTunes festival right now, so there's a lot of great performances. I'm going to watch the Coldplay gig now, because hello-- it's Coldplay. And then I'm going to do a few things on my list to do, before I'll let myself do all the things I want. I have promised Kiwi to tune into something later on. Just got a snapchat to remind me actually, ha. Have a nice Saturday people xx. Have some chocolate, or not. I am going to have some.

I'm trying to keep the lights from going out and the clouds from ripping out my broken heart. They always say a heart is not a home without the one who gets you through the storm

When I was exercising yesterday, I listened to Lines, Vines and Trying Times by The Jonas Brothers. It's been awhile since I've listened to any of their songs, mainly because once I do, I have a habit of listening to all of their work non-stop. And then I also have to sing along to everything. Imagine, ha, me feet propped on the wall, and my hands on the floor, trying to hold myself in a 90 degree angle-- and singing along to Before The Storm. I woke up this morning at 7:30 am, to a blazing sun. I've not actually got curtains for one of my smaller windows, just because I enjoy the natural light. Thus far today I've listened to Grimmy's breakfast show on the radio. I've also spent the day falling in love with Kylie Jenner's grungy style and Lou Teasdale's hair. Ah, loving all the grunge. And I've braided my hair like the picture, just because change is nice. I originally wanted long hair for my sisters wedding, but now I'm not so sure. I mostly just want to chop it off, which is probably what I'm going to end up with. Unless my sister has another suggestion. Oh god, I might just let her do what she wants with it, actually. That's how desperate I am for a change. Also, maybe I should actually invest some money in hair styling products, ha! Just realised that maybe I should like, put some stuff in it. Oh god, I'm getting strange-- ought to go get some food now. Afterwards I might pop outside, and if I'm really good, I might even do some school work today. Well, I already have done some, but hopefully I'll do more. I just want to be able to cross off all the things I intend to do today. Then I'll be a very happy chap. Have a nice Friday xx. 

You say that you're stuck in a pale blue dream and your tears feel hot on my bedsheets. Drape your arms around me and softly say can we dance upon the tables again?

When I woke up this morning, startled out of sleep by my alarm, I mostly wanted to stay in bed and go back to sleep. I wanted to sleep for a long time, except, if I did go back to sleep, I'd most likely wake up at 8:00 am, two hours later. So I felt like it would be a waste to throw away a lecture only to sleep in two hours. Oh goodness, I just panicked a bit because I thought I'd left my camera at school or somewhat. But it was beneath my duvet. Stupid me must have put it there when I had a little "nap" after school. I wasn't that tired today, but I was sat reading a fan fiction during lectures, which is a bad habit. But it made me feel very nostalgic, because I used to do that all the time before. But I've stopped now, been good. Until today, that is. Yesterday my sister came inside my bedroom without knocking, probably assuming that I wasn't home. Anyway, she spotted me and threw a package at me in greeting. And I cheered, because fucking finally. I wrapped it up because it was originally a part of a birthday present. When I got to school, I'd almost forgotten about it, but during one of our breaks between the lecture, I dug it out of my rucksack, and presented it to Kiwi. I thought it was fitting, yesterday, when I opened the packaging, and saw the title of the CD "The First Days of Spring" by Noah And The Whale. Because that's basically what the past week has been. Anyway, I'm pretty sure she was happy to receive it. Because the lecturer had other plans, we got to leave a bit earlier. So Kiwi and I waited for Sugar and my belieber friend to have their little break. And I gave my belieber friend a birthday hug, as I had promised in a text message earlier. Happy birthday to her, though she admits to feeling old. I think we should all try to change our focus about ageing, rather be thankful to be able to live for however long you've lived. It's just that our society glorify youth and being young, so it's a bit hard appreciating ageing. But I'm going to try myself when it's my birthday. Somehow we got into a subject of television shows, and Kiwi said she'd become obsessed with How I Met Your Mother. I said that I used to watch it, and I fell in love with Barney, and then I had to stop watching it. I said something like that-- the last part mostly for myself. But the others heard and responded with snorts. "You quit watching it because you fell in love with Barney?" I think it was Sugar who asked, in exasperation. I'm not quite sure why I stopped watching it, but it was a period of my life where I was obsessed with HIMYM. I also managed to accidentally slip out details about HIMYM to Kiwi-- details she didn't know of yet. Whoops. Whilst chatting, we were stood by a window, so I had plenty of time to ogle pretty boys who were flocking my school-- well, pretty boys and a lot of other people. They were handing out free buns and some kind of drink outside my school, which must be the trick to attract pretty boys. Anyway, Sugar and my belieber friend had to return to lectures, and Kiwi was off home home. So I went to meet Allie and the other student in order to work on our paper. None of us had found a good research article about HIV/Aids-- I was sat with the only research article I found somewhat relevant this morning. Must say it's interesting to read about anal penetration whilst eating breakfast at 6:30 am. Oh, is this a bit too much PG-something? Right, anyway, we changed our theme, and now we've been really good. Might even get it done within Monday. And that's the great thing with being in a group with other hard-working people. Sally messaged me on Facebook, asking about my whereabouts yesterday. And she asked me if I couldn't fetch her final-assessment-evaluation-paper document-thingy. And I did, though I had already grabbed mine this morning before lectures. But I had to show Allie the way, so I figured I'd do it for her. And whilst I was at it, I figured that I could bring along Sugar's too. Allie and I met another student, who I just presumed had the same teacher as us. She's from Aalesund, and I firstly met her yesterday. We were sort of working together during our first lecture, and then we met again in the loo afterwards. And it's so strange, because listening to her dialect was like a punch in the gut, and I've never felt so "home"-sick before. It actually nearly made me weep a bit yesterday when I got home. But I'm counting the days. It's only four weeks now, and I can't wait. Anyway, I ought to go exercise now, and hopefully I'm not too tired of today. Because I really want to get some school work done before bed. Have a good night my precious (oh please understand this allusion. If you don't, you lose a hundred "cool" points) xx. 

live in cities you'll never see on screen. Not very pretty, but we sure know how to run things, living in ruins of a palace within my dreams

Hello very, very lovely people! I'm in a strange happy-mood, so I'm sorry if this is slightly odd. I am very happy with the lovely weather that's been going on for the last week. And I think Kiwi might go a bit crazy with it, seeing as she kept smiling and rambling on about the weather each time we stepped outside. I mean-- I thought I liked nice weather, but Kiwi takes the cake. But it's really good innit? Love having happy people around me, it makes me happy as well. Today I skipped out on some lectures with the excuse that I was going to help Sugar with her paper. The thing is that whilst Kiwi and I are in the same class and have the same schedule, Sugar and my belieber friend are in another class and another schedule. And now Sugar and my belieber friend have the course I was just done with. Like, the "praksis" I started with in January and just ended last week, is the "praksis" they're starting in two weeks. Also, Sugar happens to have the same teacher as I just had, so basically, I could tell Sugar a lot of the things she would need to know. But yes, back to the point-- I was already planning on skipping out of the last lectures, because I am lazy. And well, because I wanted to get home and find a research article for tomorrow. Sugar and I took the train together, which we've done for the past week actually. I've no idea where my brain has been today, because I was a bit absent (my mind) during the first lecture, and at the train back home. Like, I can't even describe it, but imagine a big pot. Put my jumbled thoughts in it, mix it with my bad memory, and my poor ability to transfer my thoughts into coherent sentences. That's basically what happened as I tried explaining Sugar something. Oh well, better luck tomorrow. I am a bit stressed because I still need to find a research article, but it takes such a long time to read through one. And they're a bloody pain in the arse, is the thing. But it'll be alright, it won't be a crisis if I can't find a good one. I've learned to accept that sometimes I can't always have things go my way. Anyway, I think I must go now, and try to find an article or two. Also I should go, because I still can't properly transfer my thoughts into coherent sentences. My head is a really weird place today. Or maybe I've finally gone crazy. Or like, I might just be tired. 

don't know where I'm going, but I'm finding my way

Hiyaaaaaaa. I took these pictures this morning just before the sun was beginning to show, and the sky was a bit pink. It was a very pretty sight, and I stumbled around in the darkness in my bedroom, trying to be all photograph-y. Mind you, it was about 6:00 am, and I'd just woken up. Today was my second day back at school, and I've already started to not enjoy it. Mostly because I don't enjoy sitting for too long. My bum went all numb today, and I was just a bit tired. Nevertheless, I got through the two lectures, before I had lunch and then a meeting with my new "praksis" group??? I'm not quite sure what to call them all. I don't quite think I like my teacher, but I'll give her the benefit of doubt. Because I am spending the next ten weeks in her company-- or well, I'll see her sometimes during the next ten weeks. I was a bit surprised yesterday, to realise that we had two papers for this "praksis", because the main paper is huge. But we do have two papers. We started the first today, and I am luckily in groups with Allie. I was speaking with Sugar who was complaining about group projects and whatnot. I think we all hate working in groups? And I can distinctly remember back in high school, when Sugar and I both attended psychology (well, Ale, too). Our teacher would always put us in groups. I always thought it was horrible. It felt like I didn't gain anything from it, to be honest. And I guess that's why I've been so negative to group projects to this very day. I am however in a good group right now, and I think we'll all be very effective. But it also means I'll have to find a research article quickly, because we have to present our paper in a week. Oh dear, I can't wait for when we have a bit more relaxing schedule. Anyway, one of the lectures were about exercising and activity, and I was of course inspired to choose healthier options. So I took the stairs up 7 floors. Also walked from the train station today, which took me exactly twenty minutes from the second I got off the train. I also had a little run from the post office, mostly because it was cold and windy. But it was definitely apparent that I've not had a run in forever. I want to say that I'm going to be effective and find an article now, but I'm most likely to finish reading this bloody fan fiction at 1409 pages on my iBook. It's a bit longer than I usually read, but it's amazing. Oh, that reminds me-- I knocked on Monchita's door yesterday. I said: "hi, I've just got a lot to say about One Direction, and you don't have to listen, but I just have to say it". And then I went on a long rant. Ohhhh, the tour starts in a month! My One Direction heart will once again be refuelled. Anyway, I've been having a no-make-up policy the past few days. I've decided that I want to avoid make-up as much as I can. It's really nice, saves me time, and I can rub my eyes. Admittedly I look a bit rubbish and tired, but you know, I have to weigh my priorities. Anyway, have a nice Tuesday evening. I'll go do some exercises now, and then have a shower. 

I can't get your smile out of my mind

It's strange, because the prospect of officially becoming a nurse in just a bit over a year have been terrifying to me. I've always thought, oh no, I don't know anything-- how am I supposed to be a proper nurse if I haven't learned anything? Today was the first time (that I can recall) that I felt ready, almost. I felt content with the prospect, because I realised that I do know helluva lot of things I didn't know two years ago. But I'm surrounded by nurses all day everyday, it seems. So it's only when I'm with other people, explaining them things, when it suddenly hits me that maybe I'm using words they don't understand, or maybe I'm saying something with such ease, expecting people to understand what I'm talking about, when they don't. That's when it hits me that I've gained a knowledge that only fellow nurses do. I had proper school today, in which I mean I had a day of lectures. And I could feel myself nodding along to a lot of what was said. In some ways I already knew what they were conveying, but it was still nice to get some repetition and someone to organise the thoughts in my brain, I guess. I think that's what brought it on, because I was sat there in the bloody freezing auditorium, listening to one of the lectures, and I just understood everything, and it made me realise that I'm not that dumb. Which, might sound stupid to you, but it was how I felt. Anyway, the lectures were good too, which was a relief. I would hate to travel to school only to discover that the lectures are shit. Kiwi and I left an hour before, because Sugar and my belieber friend were already done, waiting in the cafeteria. Kiwi made sure to ask me if I didn't want to sit through the lecture, because she got the idea that I was enjoying them. And rightly so. My belieber friend and Sugar made sure to point out that I was skipping, laughing at me. It's all banter though, because I do usually sit through lectures. And I have done before, though they've left me. But I was a bit tired today, and I felt like I had gotten the gist of the lecture, and so I thought why not? The only thing was that Kiwi and I had to walk right past the lecturer on our ways out, which was very awkward. Earlier today, in the midst of the lectures, Kiwi and I had to go to the loo, where we spotted my belieber friend walking from the loo. And I wish I could have gotten a film of it-- but Kiwi and I waved frantically at my belieber friend, and her the same to us. And then we came skipping towards each other, and embraced in a group hug. It was very nice, and made me happy. I also got a proper hug from Sugar, which was nice. And then the kilo-gang was gathered once again, after being apart for quite awhile. I don't know whether it was because lectures had started again, and that we are all done with "praksis", or if it's just that we hadn't seen each other for a long time-- but there was this buzz of being assembled again. Like, I've noticed that we've got a tendency to get a bit loud, everyone talking over each other, and then we laugh manically at things which aren't really that funny. Er, I've just reread that, and it feels like symptoms of something else, ha. But yes, after Kiwi and I skipped out of our last hour of lectures, we all gathered our things and went to embrace the spring. We sat down at Joe & The Juice, which I think is basically another overrated and overpriced cafe(???). At least there were some good music at the start-- including Sam Smith, Disclosure and some Corona with Rythm of The Night. The latter I only know because I've been listening to Bastille's version of it. Which is ace. It's been a really nice day, and nice to see the gals. I spent Saturday and Sunday reading nurse related things, and at one point I felt physically stuffed with information. I feel like I've done good, so I'm going to be happy about that. Right now I'm actually reading an old bachelor by one of my previous nurse supervisors. Oh that's a thing too-- I actually thought of something I might possibly want to write about for my bachelor. I was really chuffed with myself when I scribbled it down on a paper. Right then, I'll leave you to whatever you're supposed to do. Go bloody do it now, so you can have some peace later on. 

and if the night is burning I will cover my eyes

Morning! I was awoken by my bladder at 6:30 am. Thought it was 8:00 am, because my camera said so. And why was I fiddling with my camera? I was trying to take a good shot of the different sources of light outside my window. I tried falling asleep again, but it didn't work, obviously. And when I looked at my phone, I was surprised to see that it was so early. I had plans to sleep forever, after a really exhausting week. One of the staff at my "praksis" said it's the body who says when it's full stop, not the mind. The mind just carries on. And I think that happened to me yesterday. I did walk to my "praksis" as planned, and it was a nice excuse to put on my wellies and raincoat and trudge out in the rain. The childish satisfaction of stepping into a puddle of water when you're wearing wellies-- I don't know if I'll ever lose that. It took me shorter than expected, which means I had to slow down unless I wanted to show up almost an hour early. I panicked a little yesterday morning, when I patted down my pockets and couldn't find the key to my wardrobe. I crossed my fingers I'd find it again, and I was relived to see that it was in the locker in the wardrobe. Was it yesterday, or the day before? Anyway, one morning the staff were talking about how a sixty year old woman had just had her first child. And then they all started joking around that they should try getting pregnant now, seeing as some of the staff are 60. It was hilarious, and it made me think that I'll miss it. I'll miss being in a conversation with people double and triple my age, and I'll miss having my nurse supervisor, and I'll miss the banter. On Fridays we have a gathered lunch with all the staff and patients, and it was nice, because all the people who had been responsible for the cooking was gathered at one place. We had a lovely chat, and then a quiz. And as per usual I couldn't answer one question. A week ago I asked the physiotherapist about mindfulness. And I'd forgotten until she asked me yesterday if I still wanted to know more about it. I nodded, ever so eager to learn more. I followed her into the office, and she asked me to lie down, and I laughed nervously. "I actually feel really nervous, like I'm a patient of yours". She taught me some breathing exercises and told me about mindfulness, before Sally came knocking on the door, and popped her head in: "I heard you were talking about mindfulness". So the physiotherapist did the same thing with Sally, asked her to lie down. And basically, we got a little mini lecture about mindfulness and the use of breathing techniques. It was very nice-- most of the staff have been so welcoming, and so nice. Anyway, after that I sat down with a new patient, who I'd greeted on Thursday. She looked a bit miserable, and she told me she'd felt a bit lonely and wanted to have a chat. So that's what I did. I sat with her for one and a half hour, actually. With some intruders once in awhile, ha. Sally came to join us, before she left. And then there was some other staff too. I figured she needed a good ol' chat with a pal, just like you do. It's hard, because sometimes we get so absorbed by the illnesses, that we don't focus on what's healthy with the person. She said "this was cosy" after I'd chatted with her for awhile, and then she asked if it was my last day. I felt slightly bad when I said yes, because I'd created a good relation between us. But I hope I made her day a bit better. Oh that's a thing that hit me the other day-- I was just listening to a conversation after we had our usual meetings, and it hit me that I was right to choose to become a nurse. Because I remember back in high school and I'd sit there and look at one of my teachers, and think "I want to help people, like she's done". And I can't actually think of a job that would give as much as I will when being a nurse. It was such a nice relief, this revelation, because I've always doubted my choice. We've met with so many opportunities nowadays, it's hard to know whether you're doing the right thing. Anyway, I also realised during my final assessment on Wednesday, that I've learned helluva lot during these last eight weeks. I was just sat there with one of my supervisors and my teacher, and we had a conversation with all these terms I wouldn't have understood back in January. My teacher said "you've achieved more than what was expected". I was delighted to hear that, as I have been working my arse off to reach the expectations. Allie, Sally and I have spent ages talking about the goals the school has presented to us for our "praksis". So it was very nice to hear that I'd exceeded the expectations. Sally left before me yesterday, because she was allowed. I would have been to, but I wanted to wait for my nurse supervisor. She had the evening shift yesterday, so I waited for her to come. And then I said my goodbyes to her, had a hug. And then I basically got a hug from everyone else in the room. I got a proper hug from one of Sally's supervisors too, and well, I do love a proper hug. Another chapter of my life is over, I guess. Always bitter sweet, and now it's back to school on Monday. When I walked home yesterday, the wind had picked up, and halfway my blood sugar had dropped, and I was so tired. If I wasn't so tired, I would have laughed at myself, because it genuinely felt like I was walking in a desert without any water. I had to chant for myself "I'm almost home, I'm almost home". Because I was honestly so tired, I wanted to sit down on the cold and wet ground and try to regenerate some energy. And that's how I know I was exhausted, that's how I know that "praksis" have actually tired me out properly. When I got home, I was so happy. And I sat down to eat all the things I had been imagining to eat whilst walking home, before I plopped down on my bed and under the duvet. I texted my sister to ask if she was at the mall, and if she could buy me chocolate and chocolate crackers. She did, which I was really grateful for. I fell asleep around 10:45 pm yesterday, and now I'm here. And it's sunny like I wished for yesterday. I've been reading obituaries and it reminds me to not take life for granted. I don't usually read obituaries, but it was in the nursing magazine, which I'm trying to finish reading now. I got a new one, this week, and I had yet to read the previous one. And I've been making an effort to read those bloody magazines, because I pay money for them, and because there's actually a lot of important things in them. I've not made any specific plans for the day, other than to relax a bit. I have to enjoy that "praksis" is over, before everything starts up again. I'm probably going to set a few goals for the day later. But for now I'm going to enjoy the sunshine and continue reading my magazines. Have a nice Saturday xx.