you'll never love yourself half as much as I love you

I want Oreo cake. Like, I really really want it. And not something bought in the stores - I want home made, the real deal. Oh my god, I haven't read any anatomy in a whole week, and now I'm feeling abstinence. I need to get on board again, and start reading. But it's a bit hard when I've got multiple other things to think about too. One Direction had another ustream today, and I only watched the last bit, before they ended it. Gah, it's like they choose to do them when I'm either at school or asleep. But it's fine. I'll watch it on Youtube tomorrow. Or later. Whatever. I've just finished watching the remaining Grey's Anatomy episode. I was excepting a bit of tears, but I think I might have cried too much the past week. If there is anything I love about Grey's Anatomy, it's their music. It's how I was introduced to Mumford and Sons actually. And during this catching up with Grey's Anatomy, I actually heard Youth by Daughter in one of the episodes in season 8.   And then I just thought to myself - if I had continued watching the show, I'd probably discovered it earlier. But hey, better late than never. I might just go to bed soon, seeing as I only slept for five hours today. Ha, I'm getting back into my "five-hours"-sleep routine. But first I might do some writing.

your hands fits in mine like it's made just for me

I just had to make a snowlight when I came home from school today (three hours ago, and it's still alight). It just felt so right. It's been snowing ever since I got home, but it's the kind of snow that's delightful. In Aalesund it was windy and cold, and just not very nice. But here in Oslo, it's cold enough for snow, but warm enough for staying outside simply with a coat. Does it even make any sense? Oh well. Little Things by One Direction is still on replay, and I have a feeling it's going to be the most listened to on iTunes. Thus far it's Wanted by Hunter Hayes with 222 "hits". I've already listened to Little Things 60 times. Just today. So yeah. The lyrics are just perfect. And oh my god, One Direction's European tour dates were revealed today, and the lads are coming to Norway next year. Can you imagine me standing there jumping around, singing along, clutching a banner in one hand and my camera in another? I can. I didn't even think they would come to Norway. I just don't want to be stamped on you know, and become deaf by all the screaming. But I have a feeling I'll be just as worse. Screaming my lungs out. Oh and Niall, I'm looking forward to see you. I'm going to watch Grey's Anatomy now. As if I haven't cried enough for today. I was watching Grey's Anatomy earlier today, and I cried so much, I thought  Yeah, fuck you Shonda Rhimes. Why do you have to take away all the ones I love? Alright, so I kind of love everyone. But still. You are mean. A meanie. 

I'm in love with you and all these little things

This is absolutely perfect. And right up my street. And it's on replay. And god, I just feel like crying, because I've just been reading sad fan fiction, and then I'm going to watch Grey's Anatomy now. And then this song just .. it's so pretty. And oh my, thank you Ed Sheeran. You are brilliant. And god someone drag me out of this fandom, because I feel like I'm drowning. But no, they have to release this song, and even if it might be the only song on the album that's got "this" sound, it's fine with me. It's already enough for me to buy the damn album. You fucking bastards. Oh shit, now I feel like just staying home and listening to this song all day, lying in my bed, daydreaming. It's just perfection.

jar of hearts

"Who do you think you are? Runnin' round leaving scars. Collecting your jar of hearts, and tearing love apart". How is it possible to be so jealous of someone you don't know because of someone you don't know? Just the sight of them makes my inside twist slightly. And it's so ridiculous. Ridiculous that I should feel this way. It was never meant to be like this, I didn't sign up for any of it. But somehow I was dragged inside this crazy world, and the door won't open.  

Frequent updates my arse. Sorry about that. I only used my computer once, and that was school-related. I'm home - finally, after a long struggle that I cannot be bothered to write about. The plane ride to Aalesund was the most frightful plane ride I've ever been on. For a few seconds there, I really thought we were going to die. The turbulence was crazy, and we were flying really close to the water. And then of course the weather decided to be a real bitch, and just arrange for a snow blizzard as we arrived. Lovely. Apart from the weather not allowing me to climb the mountain and take lovely pictures, I did have a great time back "home". There is something unnerving with walking around in a little place where everyone knows each other. Sometimes I'll have people smiling at me, and I won't know if they are only being nice, knows my sister - or worse, knows me. Worse, because I can't recollect people from my childhood. Sure, some I do. But can I be expected to remember the sister of my childhood friend from a decade ago? Surely I must be off the hook for that one. Last Christmas I went to the sport shop in order to do some last minute Christmas-shopping, and then the guy that worked there smiled. And I smiled back, obviously. It was Christmas and everything was jolly. I didn't expect any more of it. But he later introduced himself as my sisters ex, and that he used to babysit me and my younger sister. And I was like "ah, yeah .. you're really good at wrapping Christmas-presents for being a guy...". Way to be awkward. But in honesty, he really was good at it. Whilst being at my sister's house, I took advantage of their access to Netflix, and watched all the remaining episodes from Grey's Anatomy Season 8 that I hadn't yet seen. And god, did I bawl upon watching the last episode. And no, not in a dark room with myself only. No, just in front of the whole family. Right, so I was debating whether to watch it in the living room whilst everyone was there. And I just thought "right, I'm never going to watch this late at night when everyone's gone to bed, cause I'll have to wake up early anyway, and then I'll be really tired". This was the same day as the birthday party of my nephew, so my family was going off to the locale for the birthday celebration. With exception of my sisters fiancee. And I suppose, soon-to-be my brother-in-law. Oh my god, I didn't even realise until now. Anyways, so he was standing around in the kitchen and the living room, cleaning. And there I was, my eyes glued on the TV screen in the living room, crying and sniffing like the baby I am. And when the episode was done, I awkwardly shuffled towards him and asked if he needed help with cleaning. He said no, so I just went back to the TV. But I guess I've cried my fair share for now. Right, I'm going to take a shower now. And then I'm going to sleep. Like a bear. 

found myself at your door, just like all those times before. I’m not sure how I got there, all roads they lead me here

I was wearing Beetle Green by Isadora in these pictures. Thought it was appropriate for autumn. Sometimes it reminds me of a beetle, other times it reminds me of Christmas because it's glittery if you stare long enough. And then I just have to stop myself from staring, because I don't want to get all festive two months before Christmas. But they're already starting to sell Christmas-related things in the stores, hence why I am avoiding the boutiques. Oh, and the fact that I'm broke of course. Nialler even tweeted today that it was time to buy some Christmas jumpers. I'm guessing it won't be long before I start listening to Christmas tunes. Tomorrow I'm off to my sister. My nephews birthday is on Friday, and the celebration will be at Saturday. I reckon it'll be nice, because I'll be reunited with my brother as well. I knew him living at home all Summer would be a bad thing .. I only miss him more now. Oh well. I'm bringing my computer and some of my school books. So I guess you'll be frequently updated. I'm also hoping to take a trip up the mountain, but thus far the weather is being a douche. I woke up today feeling all tired, and it even felt like it was 09:00 am. when it was 01:00 pm. at school today. The flight tomorrow is quite early, and therefore I need to go to bed now. Just going to watch a few Youtube videos. And Tumblr. And Twitter. Yeah, and I wonder why I'm always so tired? Oh god, I might also post a few pictures of Niall, Harry and Liam, cheering on Louis like a couple of fangirls. Like seriously, they are all so incredibly adorable and supportive of each other. And then there are all the bromances. Like, seriously. I love One Direction. Well, adore them is perhaps a better word. They are like five newborn puppies that runs around like crazy and follows each other and play together. Fluffy.

everything has changed

Hiya. Yesterday was quite a productive day. I managed to finish another chapter in anatomy, some math, and some other school work. I didn't leave school until 08:30 pm. Well, actually a bit before, so I decided to just walk the whole Karl Johan street down to the train station. I always find that the Karl Johan street is slight cozy and amusing at night. It's just another atmosphere at night, I suppose. When I finally reached the train, I found a seat, and let my eyes slip for a bit. When I opened my eyes, I could sense a stare at me from the guy that sat across me. I shrugged it off as usual, thinking he was probably looking out the window. But as I turned around in a brief second, our eyes met. And oh my god, eeewww. Anyways, and then he just continued staring, so I resorted to closing my eyes, which wasn't too hard, seeing as I was quite tired. When I arrived at my destination, I got up, and yes, he was still staring - whilst I was walking off the train. And I'm like, who does that? I hate staring. Especially when it's yucky men. Today has not been too productive, but I figured since I was such a champ yesterday, I'd have "the day off". Although I did drag my arse out of bed today, and went to school. At 1:30 am. yesterday, I was split between going to school today or not. But I did set my alarm, and I figured since I'm not going to school at Thursday or Friday, I might as well attend some lectures. Although I've not done much schoolwork today, I have packed. Half of my suitcase is stuffed with gifts though. And I just remembered that I need to make a card. I heard a few songs on Taylor Swift's new album today. And obviously, I gravitated towards Everything Has Changed by her and Ed Sheeran. And then there's also The Last Time by her and Gary Lightbody, ala front singer from Snow Patrol. I quite like them both, but I think that maybe Taylor forgot that these were her songs? I don't know, but I think Everything Has Changed has Ed Sheeran written all over the song. It's like, yeah, I'd prefer it to just let him sing the whole song. And I really wish he sang a bigger part. But Taylor has never been the one to share. At least that's what I thought until I heard The Last Time. I was a bit confused then, seeing as Taylor sings very little on her own. And the whole song definitely has a Snow Patrol vibe to it. Go listen to Snow Patrol songs, and then you listen to The Last Time. These things does not bother me, though. That was not my point. In fact, I quite enjoyed "these things". Thus far it's only these that I adore. The others are far too "country-pop-ish", and god, is she trying to go all mainstream? I really really dislike those. Sorry, but I do. And it's not just because I hate Taylor - I mean she's like a boy who thinks it's awesome to brag about all his encounters - it's because it's too teenager-ish. I mean We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together .. that should prove my point. And it's just an odd combination with country, pop and autotune. But, hey, I did like two of the songs. And I do enjoy her music, just not her. Anyways, I've got to go and eat. And then shower. And then possibly do some schoolwork. And then check Tumblr for new One Direction updates. And then my beloved Twitter of course. And then I'm set bed.

hiding under the covers with no one else to blame

Reasons to fall in love with boy bands. There are several individuals with different tastes. For example music taste. Thank you Harry. Yes, Harry Styles. He does have that James Bond-cling to his name, doesn't he? Imagine him introducing himself to you at a bar. "I'm Harry. Harry Styles". Yeah, if it wasn't for him being Harry Styles, I'd probably cringe and run away. Well, actually, I probably would have cringed anyways. Back to the point; Harry tweeted that this song was stuck on his mind, and naturally I had to search it up. I've replayed it about ten times now. And yeah, I think out of all the lads, I prefer Harry's music taste the most. Well, him and Louis'. Speaking of Louis. He's got a football match today - all for charity. And the boys are coming to see him. Each time I've read all those encouraging tweets the boys have been sending to Louis, I've kind of melted. Bit for bit, I've melted, my heart softening, and grin widening. Especially by Niall's tweets. Not just because I have a soft spot for Nialler. But also because he's possibly been the most supportive. You know, tweeting about where to buy tickets. Quite a few times actually. And when they were performing on the iTunes festival back in September (oh my god, it's been a month), he impersonated Lou, and told everyone to get tickets to the match. Sometimes I think Niall is the giver. He gives so much of himself to others. And sometimes it isn't repaid. And I can't help but thinking - do you not get tired? Cause I would. And I know how it feels too. To be a giver, only to get nothing in return. But at some point you will break, because you've nothing left to give. Demi Lovato, or should I say Demi Tomato, tweeted some lyrics today, and although I'm not the biggest fan of her music, I'm very excited, because the lyrics are so beautiful. Like poetry, and then I cannot help but love it. I'll leave you with the lyrics at the end, and you can be the judge. Okay, back to studying .. again.

Can you be my nightingale? Sing to me so I know you're there.

We'll never fall apart, cause we fit together like two pieces of a broken heart.

I hate you, don't leave me, I feel like I can't breathe. Don't touch me, just hold me.

Cause I want you to love me, but I need you to trust me. Stay with me, set me free.

lie down with me, and hold me in your arms

I'm sitting here at school, sipping a cup of tea. Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran is playing in my ear buds. It's safe to say that I feel quite relaxed. I have not started reading anatomy yet. Instead I did some other schoolwork. It's a bit hard to prioritize sometimes, because anatomy often tops as my first prioritization. But then I remember that I have other things I need to catch up on too. But it's easier, I suppose. To only focus on one thing, and get it finished. Then you can cross it off your list, and move further down to the next task. I woke up at 5:00 am. today, because my sister was leaving. I got this bracelet from her from when she went to Africa. It's a rhino. And the funds goes to some organization that .. well, tries to keep the rhinos safe I suppose. I love my sister for a lot of reasons, but this one in particular. Last Christmas, one of the gifts from her were a donation made in my name for a cow. I'm really bad at remembering what exactly it is, but it's those things that makes me grin widely. I think people forget sometimes that not everyone has the need for material things. I'm a material girl, in a material world. Yes, I suppose sometimes Madonna is right, though. Sometimes there are people that likes the material things, and it's a safe choice. And I suppose that's why everyone is broke after Christmas. We, as in me, my younger sister and my mum, cradled around my next eldest sister at the couch yesterday, watching pictures from Africa. And oh, wow. It was amazing. I think Africa will always be on my list of wanted destinations, however, I'm not sure if it's because I want to see all the animals. I think I'm more pulled towards Africa, because there are so many things to capture with a camera. And that's also the reason why it's not on the top of my list either. Oh my god, Skins are starting shooting today. I both love and hate that Skins only have one season each year, and that it lasts for .. not long. It keeps you wanting more, I suppose. And now it's a new cast, once again. I really really hope it'll be good this time. Right, back to reading.

I will love you till' the end of time

Oh my, two of my favorite people in the same picture. I too want one of those sweatshirts Nialler is wearing. Give me! It would be an understatement to say that today has not been a productive day. Instead of reading anatomy, I've been reading a fan fiction. But I wouldn't say it was a waste of time, because it was brilliant. Fucking brilliant actually. So brilliant I had to read it out loud to my younger sister, even though she refused to listen. I went to bed at 4:00 am. yesterday, so this day was basically destined to fail before it even started. Oh well, I suppose I'll have to try finish it tomorrow. I'm staying back at school then. I really really have to fit in as much work as I can till Wednesday, because I'm leaving early Thursday morning. And as much as I love travelling, I hate coming back to a stack of work. Absolutely hate it. Yesterday evening I sat watching TV all day actually. Most TV I've watched since forever. Plus, I think I'm going to start watching X Factor UK. Perhaps X Factor Australia too, because I love Fortunate. I just don't love their song choices.

you can't stop this girl from falling more in love with you

It's ridiculous how you can make me smile in 1,2,3. 

But you do. And it is annoyingly cute. 

Like sugar in the tea, you are too sweet. 

And here I am thinking you are the cheesy one.

When I am here writing the sappy ones, 

Hoping that maybe I can make you smile.

In 1,2,3. 

your love will be safe with me

I didn't end up writing at 2:00 am. yesterday. Instead I was watching Ghost Whisperer, which I haven't watched since forever. But I did write something a few days ago, but it's a short drabble, that I'm sure could have been better. But due to my laziness, I can't be bothered. If you want to read it, you can here. I did also start a new drabble today - something really weepy. But it's one of those who has a potential to be really good - if you put effort in it. And effort isn't something I have at the moment. I love, love, love re:stacks by Bon Iver. It's so soothing, and just amazing. I don't entirely understand the lyrics, but that's a part of why I love it so much. It will forever stay a mystery to me. And there is something about the song that makes me want to write. It's finally Saturday, and I'm eating chocolate like a maniac. I've not finished reading the chapter about the nerve system, but I am going to finish it today. Yes, I am certain. It turns out this chapter was quite exciting at some parts. Not entirely boring, and impossible to understand. So that's a plus. Nialler hasn't tweeted anything today .. meeehhh. I'm going to watch a 20-minute long One Direction interview to make up for it. And then I'm going to eat chocolate whilst watching an Adam Sandler movie later. Oh my god, I just remembered. I spent like two hours today, watching the royal wedding in Luxembourg. And I did stop to think "why the hell am I watching this?", but I just continued. I think it's a new trend. Royal weddings, that is. But I don't mind. I love seeing royal people from all around the world, and what kinds of hats people are wearing.

bury all our love away to keep it safe from war

Is it a coincidence that I go on Twitter, literally one minute after Nialler post something? It's happened twice now. It's like my brain knows, and urges me to go on. Thank you brain, you are being very nice to me. If only he'd decide to do a twitcam now. That would make my day. I am currently at my school, and I'm debating whether to go home early or not. But I desperately want to finish reading this chapter about the nerve system. But it's like forty pages long, and I'm only half way. Actually, less than half way through. I don't exactly understand why, but I have this thought, that if I don't finish reading this chapter and another one before the weekend is finished, I'm doomed. And maybe that's why I keep doing things. I don't necessarily have an overall sight at things. Like, I do tasks all the time, but I rarely stop to think about why. Because I'm almost certain you will go mad if you do. Today I had math for the first time in a year, is it? Maybe even more. At first it felt very much like reading in a foreign language. But after solving a few puzzles, my brain understood. And as a student, there's nothing better than feeling that you've actually understood something. And that's why I like math sometimes. There is only one answer. But then again, it's equally agitating when you can't solve the puzzle, equation, whatever. I have a really bad habit of reading fanfictions right before I go to bed, hence why I am so tired right now. But oh, there are so many lovely and talented people out there. Right, so now there are people popping in and out the door in my group room. Perhaps that's a sign I should leave. It is Friday, and I think I might treat myself some time to writing. And maybe I'll post it later. At 2:00 am, or something. That's usually when I feel inspired to write. I'm still longing for tomorrow though, chocolate. Ah, sweet, sweet chocolate.

turn your head, I didn't mean the words I said

God, when singing along to Skinny Love by Bon Iver, I've been singing "I told you to be a badass", when in truth it should be "I told you to be balanced". I think I'm going to stick with badass, cause' it's cooler. I don't quite know how to feel about being awakened by my teacher calling me. Apparently I did do a good job on my paper yesterday. Sure it was a nice thing to hear, but when I went to bed at 2:30 am. yesterday, I was planning on a long sleep in. And therefore I did feel a bit bitter when she woke me up at 9:30. But hey, I did snooze off later, which was lovely. And if it wasn't for my guilt, I'd stay in bed all day, dreaming. It's already Friday tomorrow, and one of my elder sisters are visiting. Time seems a bit cramped, like there's not enough hours a day. I'm frantically trying to read the last chapters in anatomy, but then I get bored and procrastinate, and then I feel guilty and pick up the book again. And so on. It is an evil circle. But seeing as I did quite a lot yesterday, I think it's okay to take a day off. I was just outside an hour ago, and it was actually quite warm to my surprise. Like, it felt a bit like late summer. Except for the rain .. but still. It was warm. I can't wait for Saturday, because I'm craving for some chocolate. I think I'm going to stay behind at school tomorrow, so maybe I'll see you there, yeah? And good luck to my best friend who has been smart enough to start on a 20-page long paper the day before the due date. Yeah good luck. I might buy you an ice lolly afterwards.

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back

Oh my Ziall heart. I love how Niall seems so unaffected. Like getting a smooch from Zayn is such a usual occurrence. I'm definitely changing my background picture on my iphone to this. Ah, the glee. I've come to realise that I love all 1D-bromances as long as it has Niall in it. Honestly though, Narry and Ziall are my favorites. I like to go for the underdogs, rather than the obvious ones (Niam and Larry). And it seems now that Lilo (Liam and Louis) is the new thing. And I don't quite know what I feel about Louis learning Liam to be mischievous. I guess he'll just lose his title as "the sensible one". But I'm also hoping Louis is helping Liam deal with his recent break-up with Danielle. Which again, I don't quite know how to feel about. It's like .. nooooo, true love doesn't exist anymore. And I really did love -still love Danielle. And I absolutely love how she's still a fan. It's 2:11 am, and I've just handed in my paper. It's no returns now, and I really do hope my teacher won't choose mine to go through next time my group meets up. You know, seeing as most of it has been written while I'm so close to falling asleep, and the fact that I haven't really checked it for flaws. But hey, I just wanted to get it over with. Right, I'm going to go brush my teeth while catching up on some Youtube, and then finally go to bed now. Bon nuit m'ladies.

they have no idea what it's like to seek safety in other people, for home to be wherever you lie your head

"I was always an unusual girl, my mother told me that I had a chameleon soul. No moral compass pointing me due north, no fixed personality. Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean. And if I said that I didn't plan for it to turn out this way I’d be lying- because I was born to be the other woman. I belonged to no one- who belonged to everyone, who had nothing- who wanted everything with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to a point I couldn't even talk about". 

I was browsing through Youtube yesterday, and I watched the new Lana Del Ray song, though I've never really been a big fan of her music. The music video really took me by surprise, when it started. The whole speech- I just, I think I fell a bit in love with her then. And I really really wanted to like the song, because I loved the first part of the music video, but I didn't. It's just something about her music that isn't appealing to me. But the music video is still worth watching. Yesterday was the last lecture in anatomy, and I've just finished reading the chapter about the muscles (finally!!). This means I've only got four chapters left to read. I'm really hoping to get everything done (finish reading and notes) by early November. Earlier than that is just plain wishing. Right now I'm supposed to write a paper, but honestly. I'm so tired, I could have just gone to sleep right now. I personally think I deserve a break, after reading anatomy, and therefore I will. I will, however, finish that paper tonight. I'm serious this time. I really am. God, yesterday I did some exercises  and now my body is really sore. It's a bit uncomfortable walking up the stairs, but it's all good. It's good pain. A pain that reminds me of exercising more often.

I'm gonna paint you by numbers and colour you in

God, I've not had a nightmare for ages. But I awoke today, after dreaming about my family and I being abducted, and then I ran away. But then I felt guilty, because I realised my family would be punished for it. Luckily, my alarm awoke me from such horrid scenarios. Anyways, I was originally going to finish reading the chapter about muscles today, but instead I've been procrastinating all day. Reading angsty Narry fanfictions curled up in bed with a cup of tea. Ah, lovely. The weather outside is frightful. If this is autumn, I'm afraid I won't survive winter. The harsh wind whips raindrops on your face, making you both wet and cold. The worst thing ever. I think it's time to bring out my winter-coat, although I am very reluctant to it. I always try to drag the summer and autumn for so long, that I won't have to worry about winter just yet. And thus far I've succeeded. Nialler has not yet tweeted today, and therefore my day is a bit more lacking than usual. Yes, I don't care if I'm being pathetic. Oh lordy, I just chanted "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god" in my head like a fangirl, because he just tweeted. And my day is now complete. Sometimes I think to myself, "whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??". Why did I drag myself into this One Direction-world? Right. I think I actually have to do some studying now. Or else I'll be forever mad at myself for doing nothing. Well I have done some things, like singing along to Ed Sheeran. I think I could do a pretty good job as a background singer to A-Team. So yeah, Ed, if you'll have me, just ask. But I guess singing along to Ed Sheeran doesn't really count as something. Omg now Hi Nialler and Little Things are trending on Twitter. As well as a Jonas-related one. God, I love Twitter. Right, I'm going now, for real .. I'm just going to grab something to eat first .. 

these fishes in the sea, they're staring at me

I'm still very obsessed with Cough Syrup by Young The Giant. I really do feel like dancing every time it's played in my ear buds  It's a shame then, that I can't start dancing on the bus home. Instead I'm just grinning like a cat. I don't know what it is, but every time I listen to it, I feel like twirling around forever on a field of flowers. It reminds me of both Christmas and Spring at the same time. It's very very odd. Speaking of the song, I was walking outside in the rain earlier, and I didn't bother with my umbrella, thinking "life's too short to even care at all". I am also still very obsessed with Narry. I keep reading fan fiction with them. It's not like I would actually ever believe they will fall madly in love and be happy ever after. But it's a nice fantasy. And I like to think that all the lads in One Direction goes to each other for comfort when they are feeling down, which is probably true. My "Narry feels" are exploding though, from the recent tweets in between the boys. Well, actually my "Niall paired with anyone 1D-related feels" are on overdrive. Everything from Tommo tweeting Niall about getting the same tattoo as the other lads in the band, and Josh tweeting him not to. I just think Niall has this aura that attracts all people, really. Like, he's really likable in my opinion. In the picture Niall and Harry are at an Ed Sheeran concert. Tonight actually. And I am so jealous. I too want to attend an Ed Sheeran concert. But it melts my heart slightly that the two are at a concert together. I wonder if any of the other lads are there, but I doubt it. And that's why it makes my heart swell. Although the logic part of me is telling me to shut it, because they are friends with Ed Sheeran, and are probably there to support him at his UK tour. This weekend has been a really nice one where I've actually been quite relaxed. I spent the night over at my best friends yesterday, where we were dancing along to various youtube-videos. And filming ourselves whilst doing it of course. I dearly recommend this, and re-watching it afterwards. I can guarantee that it'll be a laugh. My dancing skills can definitely not be bragged about. Omg, R, you are to delete those videos, okay? Today I went to school, as I do on Sundays. But I wasn't exactly productive. Reading about muscles is really really boring. Instead we were chatting quite a lot of the time, and it's fine really. Sometimes you've got to allow you some breaks, yeah? It's not like you can be a robot and only study all the time. I've got school tomorrow, and I'm not really looking forward to it. 

life's too short to even care at all

Yes. Yes, this room definitely belongs to a nurse student. My once naked wall, has now turned into a wall of different things I need to get into my head for the upcoming exam in December. When I thought I had found enough "new" music the past week to keep me fulfilled for .. well quite a long time, I've fallen in love with Cough Syrup by Young The Giant. I think it has a kind of Skins-vibe to it. I could definitely imagine Cassie and Effy dancing their worries away. It's kind of a quirky sad song camouflaged in a happy tune, which makes it even more wonderful. At least to me, it does. Actually, I am wondering if the song has been on Skins already. At least I am sure that Young The Giant has been on it, or has it not? Gah, sometimes I hear songs that I am absolutely sure I've heard on Skins, and then I'm not completely sure, and then I just have to find out. Such a big hassle. I am now currently trying to read some anatomy. I'm going to force myself to finish reading about pregnancy. Although, I don't really have to force myself. For once, there is something that really interests me in this damn book. 

carve our names into these walls

I saw this little piece of ice today, when I decided to go out and take some pictures. It makes me wonder if it's autumn, or the winter creeping up on us. My camera functions the best in natural light, and with the sun shining, it can make magic. I go back to Aalesund in two weeks, and I'm determined to walk up the mountain and get some nice pictures. If the weather will allow me, that is. Nature is my favorite thing to capture. It's so beautiful, and it's everywhere. I'm quite odd with sharing pictures, and music for that sake. I don't know, it feels like this personal piece of myself. And I don't like to be exposed. But strangely enough, it's the only thing I do on Facebook. I share my photography with my "mates". Oh, the irony, huh? Right now  I'm supposed to be studying. But you know, me and the internet, we like to hang out. A lot. And here's the link to my latest Narry drabble. If you want to read it, do. And if not, don't. I was a bit inspired by poetry, music and the delightful silence that the night brings.

every thought of you is another sleepless night

After I came home from school today, I went to the library in order to drop of a DVD I borrowed last weekend. It was quite nice and cozy, walking in the cold autumn air, clutching my coat in order to keep the warmth. With my playlist "bon bon" on replay, and the stars displayed on the dark canvas that is called the sky, I was quite enjoying myself. I even did a little detour, walking up towards the graveyards. I suppose it sounds a bit odd, but I can't imagine a better place to see the stars from. It's dark and it's silent. When I came home, I made myself a cuppa, and then I went back outside in the garden, and just spent some time watching the stars. Maybe I've failed to mention it, but I'm very fond of stars. They are so fascinating, and oh-so beautiful. I wish I could find a camera that would capture the stars the way my eyes see them. Sometimes I wish my eyes were a camera. That would be amazing. Oh well, right now I'm going to finish a Narry drabble that I started today, and then I might go to bed early, seeing as I woke up quite early today as well. It's been a productive day, and I hope tomorrow will be as well. I've needed a productive day for quite awhile now, seeing as I've spent loads of time procrastinating. Oh well. I'll leave you with my playlist

"bon bon"
Holocene by Bon Iver
Flume by Bon Iver
Skinny Love by Bon Iver
Birds and Bees by Alex Johnson
Youth by Daughter
re:stacks by Bon Iver

re:stacks

Ah, I'm sorry. But it's a bit late, and I'm a tad overemotional. And I'm listening to Bon Iver. And oh my god, Narry feels. I'm not even sure if I'm reading fan fiction anymore. I'd rather call it poetry. Modern poetry. "I’ll let you continue fill in the empty spaces I am unable to soak myself". Let us all just be happy, love and peace, you know? Yeah, I'm turning into a hippie.

I'm falling and I'm scared I won't survive this fall again

Thank god for Youtube. I found this song earlier today, and I fell in love with the lyrics. There is another video that records his voice better, however, I find that I quite enjoy the background noises a bit. It just makes it better, I suppose. Special. I rearranged my bedroom a bit today, and the wall behind me feels slightly naked. I'm not quite sure what I should do with it, but in the meanwhile I've plastered on some pictures. I cleared out a drawer at my desk today, and it's become my little snack-drawer. I keep my tea there as well. I really have become a tea addict. I can't even keep track on how many cuppa's I drink every day. Yesterday I made a new Tumblr to post some drabbles on. Narry drabbles mostly, just because I think it's not enough out there. I've also realised that I might love Tumblr now. There is just too much good fanfiction. Right now I'm a bit .. well, I don't know what, but should I be worried that I feel a bit empty from Niall's absence on Twitter? It's just a bit weird when I'm so used to waking up and seeing a tweet by him. And now he hasn't tweeted in two days. Oh well, I'm pretty sure they are doing promo at the moment. And everyone should cross their fingers for Niall's leg to get fixed soon, or else there will be a limping Niall on stage during the upcoming tour. I'm quite looking forward till tomorrow, because there will be new Jonas Brothers music. And how long have we waited for that? Three years approximately. Right now I think I'm going to listen to Grimmy, before I go back to reading anatomy. Yay me, I actually opened the book today.

they are dead and they are gone

I have become very fond of my blazers. It seems that they go with about everything. Albeit I'm not quite sure how they would look with my Nike Air Max. Yeah, that would probably not work. I have also become very fond of using this belt of mine. I am also very fond of my bed. If I were to choose, I'd lie in it all day, listening to music and daydreaming. That would be wonderful. God, I don't know why I am so attracted to glum things. I just finished reading another "Narry" fanfiction, and it was one of those abstract ones, where you think you understand, but then again, you don't. I'll never be able to understand it fully, no one can, but the author themselves. Which is another thing that has been on my mind quite a few times before. When you are at school, and the teacher asks you to analyze a text, you do as the teacher says. You try to read behind the lines, trying to understand the author. But the thing is, that all the students will most likely have different perspectives. And that's understandable, because of perception. "Perception (from the Latin perceptio, percipio) is the organization, identification and interpretation of sensory information in order to represent and understand the environment". People experience different things, and therefore it's only natural for peoples perception to be different. And so when the teacher supposedly reveal the answer, I find myself thinking "but how are they supposed to know what the author was thinking whilst writing?". Sure, you can dig up a lot of information from an authors private life. At least you could do that before. But does that mean that you'll know the answer for sure? Surely you can't know. Unless you're a mind reader, that is. I've linked to the Narry fanfiction, if you did want to read it. I'm guessing someone might click the link, read the first sentence, and then cross out the tab. And I can see why. I would probably do too, but I was yearning for something a bit abstract to read. So there I was, sitting in my bed with a pillow clutched to my chest, reading the fiction out loud in my best British accent. My voice was horse, and it didn't get any better as my eyes clouded and the hot tears started rolling down my newly showered face. I think it's beautiful, a masterpiece really. A gem I want to share with everyone. God, I really need to find a Narry-buddy. Or maybe get a life. Or just stay in bed forever.

most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs

I keep on reading sad drabbles and one shots. With One Direction members as the main characters of course. But it doesn't matter. It could be anyone really, it just puts a familiar face to your mind, making it easier to imagine the character. It is like I'm yearning to find the most glum story there is, making me bawl. Till' now I have read a few ones that have succeeded in making me shed a few tears. I think it topped off when I began listening to a song along with the story I was reading. It was a complete coincidence, but they fit perfectly. Sometimes I browse through Youtube, and somehow I end up in this little bubble of undiscovered gems. Indie music, that is. Youth by Daughter is one of my most recent finds. And if it is possible to fall in love with a song, this is the one I have chosen. Well, at least at the moment. It is so incredibly glum, you shouldn't be fooled by the light melody at the start. It's deceiving. The song suits my mood, caused by all the sad drabbles I am reading at the moment. Reading the lyrics to the song, is exactly like reading a sad drabble. God, I'm really depressing, aren't I? I think I'm going to watch 500 Days of Summer now. Or something sad. I really want to cry. I'll leave you with a bit of my favorite lyrics from the song:

And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one, 'cause most of us are bitter over someone. Setting fire to our insides for fun, to distract our hearts from ever missing them. But I'm forever missing him.

I've been in this club too long

Sometimes I read dark things. So dark, I feel a bit too light. So many dull words, pulling all the lightness away. Almost as if you have been punched in the gut. It drenches you. But at the same time, it is so fascinating. Fascinating because someone can make you feel this way, only with help of some words. But then I remember that words are one of the biggest weapons out there. They hurt. But then they make you smile. A sentence can make you feel so content. So happy. Words can be confusing too. Abstract - you understand them, but then again, you don't understand. And so when I read dark things, they are usually abstract, leaving me feeling a bit too light, and just a bit confused. But then I feel happy, because I have read such a masterpiece, making me feel this much.

make niall smile

My fangirl heart is aching. Niall on the radio today was brilliant. Grimmy was right when he said Niall Horan and Huw Stevens would be a really good duo. And Niall is a natural at radio, like, he should genuinely do radio. And then they played #makeniallsmile, where people would try to crack jokes and make Niall smile. In between all the fangirls, Zayn called, trying to make Niall smile. My Ziall heart was melting and my grin was as wide as ever. And then Niall had a guitar, and he played Hero by Enrique Iglesias. Holy crap. I'm not even joking. I'm going to replay him singing it all the time now, though it was a very short snippet. He did also play the new Taylor Swift tune, and though I hate the tune, I couldn't possibly hate lovely Nialler for singing it. In fact, he just made it better. Not biased at all, yeah. And then at the end when Niall leaves, he chats a bit with Louis Tomlinson. And it's so nice to listen to the lads being all best friends. God, I just really really really like Niall. Is it not obvious already? I spent today with one of my bestest friends, and we watched both of the Hangover movies, seeing as she had not seen one. I mean, who does that - right? Now I need to finish my paper. Yeah, about that - I did not finish it yesterday. But good news, I slept through the night without waking up once. And I slept for like eight hours or something. That must count for something, right?

go mad for a couple grams

Hiya, hope you are well. I forgot my cuppa today, as I was running out the door like a madman. My bus stop is across the road from my house, which is a luxury. But I tend to wait until it's two minutes before I walk outside. And today I was reading whilst eating my breakfast. And in a swift second, I glanced over at the clock. And yeah, full panic. It was two minutes till the bus would be outside my house, and I hadn't even gotten dressed. So I ran outside in full panic mode, and as I stepped inside the bus, I remembered my cuppa. And I got a bit pissy because of it. And can you really blame me, though? I went to bed at 05:10 am, finally finished with the paper. I had a bit more than five hours sleep, and then I forgot my cuppa. So yes, I think I was allowed to be a bit pissy. But I've gone without tea before, and sleep for that matter. And I will always survive. But this is the second day I've only gotten about five hours sleep. And therefore I am a zombie, ready to fall asleep. I even tried to listen to Grimmy's wake-up-song, but it didn't have the effect I wanted. But I am at school, and I have decided that I will finish my new paper today. I simply must. No excuses. It'll only be me and Ed Sheeran singing sweet tunes into my ears tonight. Even if it's a Friday, and every other sane teenager at my age is probably out partying. My Friday treat for myself will probably be sleep. 

grimmy says wake yourself up

Can I just dedicate a whole post for Grimmy? I'm speaking of Nick Grimshaw, the radio host on the radio 1 breakfast show. I love his voice. Like, I could fall asleep to it. Literally. Like, I've already done it. I don't know what it is. I guess he's just got that one thing, huh? Pun intended. And then he's just really funny. Like, his jokes are funny. Like, he just make me laugh. God, I feel like Harry Styles. "Yeah, um .. like, uh, yeah, like". But yeah, he's really lovely. And then he plays mostly really good music. Except for the new Taylor Swift tune. And he is such a good interviewer - like he can just banter along with all his guests. Like with Conor Maynard. Must have been my favorite interviews. And then he is like best friends with Harry Styles. I cannot wait for their show together on Saturday .. or some day soon. Lads FM. I can just hear Grimmy singing that. Oh, and then I love his waking up song. And his "hello-good morning-introducing-the-plan-for-today" tune. And then his "call-or-delete" game. I was grinning on the train on my way to school this morning, listening to the breakfast show podcast. I'm pretty sure the man standing across me thought I was slightly crazy. Honestly though, I really do love Nick Grimshaw a.k.a. Grimmy. I've spent a little time reading some reviews of his show, and it seems that a lot of people are negative. And I can understand. I too hate changes sometimes. And I would be quite pissed if my favorite radio host was to be switched out with another. Stubborn as I am, I would probably stop listening. And that makes me quite sad, seeing as I believe Grimmy is doing a real good job. My plan for today is to finish some schoolwork, hence why I am at school right now. And then I'm heading to my best mate, whom I have not seen for like three weeks or so. And then I'm heading back home to sleep before school tomorrow. And then it's TGIF. Except I have to catch up on reading some anatomy and physiology. God, I was just informed that I need to add another school book to my collection. And I need to read it ASAP. And by the looks of it, it's even worse than anatomy and physiology. And I suspect I still have to finish another paper tomorrow. Ah, the life of a student, eh?

I know you love Shrek, cause we've watched it twelve times

I nearly chocked on my water when he silently started playing Falling Slowly. And then he started singing Ed Sheeran here and there. I'm telling you - he is slowly trying to seduce me. Of course I'm talking about Niall Horan. Who else? I did manage to watch his twitcam, seeing as it was posted on Youtube like under an hour after it was ended. That must be a new record. His twitcams usually consist of him sitting there with his guitar. Sometimes playing tunes that are unknown to my ears. Sometimes staring intently into the screen, trying to read the comments. Sometimes staring at the TV screen behind the computer, leaving the fans to sit and stare at a slightly disheveled Nialler. 150 thousand fans, that is. No wonder I couldn't watch the thing - he crashed the Twitcam website. I am currently listening to lovely Ed Sheeran, whilst I'm fixing a new e-mail. An e-mail for work and school related things, because it's so damn embarrassing saying my personal e-mail out loud. You know when you make an e-mail in your younger years, and now you just look back at the immature name, wincing slightly. My guilty pleasure this week have been "Dots". They are so delicious. Like seriously. I have also adopted another habit. Tea. Mostly because of my damn coughing, seeing as it soothes everything. But seeing as tea is quite a healthy thing, I think I will have to start drinking it all the time. Just to make up for all the unhealthy shit I eat. Nialler mentioned something about him perhaps having a twitcam with Zayn, so heads up for that. They are one of my favorite bromances in between the lads, and I love it when they sing together. Their harmonies just fit perfectly. Right, now I'm going to catch up on Youtube, and then I will force myself to do some studying. 

I'm riding y-o-l-o

Two days of October, and my computer has gone crazy. In an attempt of fixing it, I've just made it gone even crazier. And now Niall Horan is having a twitcam, but lucky as I am, the link does not work. And I've just heard he played Live While We're Young with the guitar. My skin has also decided to become a complete bitch, my coughing is still here, I'm still slightly sleep deprived. And to top it off, I need to finish writing this article that was due last Friday. But apparently it never was finished. In truth I just want to rip my hair off. Ah, and as if on que - here comes the voices. "M, you shouldn't be complaining. Be grateful. You are being selfish little brat. Bla bla bla". Can I just go to sleep? Maybe sleep for a month or so? I just want to see my Nialler. I too want to live while I'm young. Ha, I just realised - I want, I want.

don't over think, just let it go

October, is it? I was slightly freaked out when I awoke this morning and my phone displayed 1st of October.   I do not know if it is only me, but the last three years have gone by so quickly I haven't gotten a chance to reminisce really. They say time travel fast when you are busy having fun. But I cannot remember that studying for school has been fun? Maybe I have just gotten old. Maybe the days simply don't have enough hours anymore. It is not until I look outside the window from my bedroom and spot the tree, that it hits me that the season has changed. The leaves are turning yellow, but there are still spots of green - the last reminder of the Summer. The tree that looks so full and voluminous in Summer, is now looking rather dull and thin. This always leave me slightly glum, because I am always so happy when I see the tree at it's peak. So green and so young-looking. I went to the doctors today in order to remove my stitches, hence this early post. And oh my god, I haven't been this scared for like ever. When that nurse brought scissors and other equipment, I wanted to push her away and run. Instead I tried to breathe evenly and close my eyes as she slightly pulled in the stitches. Sure, it did not hurt as much as I had expected. But I can say that I do not enjoy stitches being pulled out of my body. I have been thinking about the body lately, which is not too weird considering the amount of anatomy I have been reading. It is just so fascinating to me that the body can heal itself. Like, you do not think of human as immortal. But to an extent, the body can be hurt and then heal itself. Just like my wound. The past few days I have been reading Narry (Niall Horan and Harry Styles) fanfiction. And my favorites were stories that resembled the movie 50 First Dates, except they did not end happily as the movie. The last one I read was on my way to the doctor, on the bus. And I felt my eyes twitch slightly, and I just wanted to cry right there, but I didn't. Because I can't have myself sobbing publicly on a bus, can I? Most people have this opinion about fanfiction being really stupid. But sometimes you find the loveliest jewels in midst of all the boring stories. And sometimes I really want to share those jewels, and share that excitement I feel when I read them. But then I know that none will feel the same excitement as I do. I sure can ramble, can't I? Right now I'm about to head over to my friends house, and we are going to study. And eat some pizza.