what use is running when you need someone to hold?

I do already miss my brothers company in the living room. It's much too silent, and there's no one who will participate in watching football with me. No one to bother me when I don't want to be bothered. I am so thankful for all my siblings, and there's nothing like it-- being gathered together. On another note, I am really bloody happy to not have to wake up early tomorrow. I want to sleep for ages, though I'm sure it'll probably not be very much longer than I've woken up the past few days. Initially I wasn't supposed to work today, but I agreed to a shift. And I was supposed to leave at 2:00 pm. However, we were short on staff, so I had to stay for an hour longer. I didn't really mind, because I actually quite enjoy work sometimes. But once I got home, I realised how tired I was. I had some dinner, put on a new load of washing, and then Monchita and I went grocery shopping. I have the evening shift tomorrow, which is a nice change. Because usually it's a lot less busy. I've just had a cup of tea, and I think I'm going to do some stretching (to the sound of Bon Iver of course), because my limbs feel quite stiff. And that's not good-- that's how you get injuries. Anyway, I just watched a video of Niall and Harry touching each others crotches? I don't know whether I should be surprised by anything they do any more. Oh, and it appears that Des Styles (Harry's dad) and Bobby Horan (Niall's dad) was at the Milan gigs? The ones in San Siro, where they filmed for their concert DVD. (I'm just saying that if Niall and Harry were both gay or bi and happened to fall in love with each other, their in-laws would be best friends and hang out without being in the presence of their sons). I'm currently watching the game between Germany and Algeria, and it's really exciting. I have been cheering for Algeria, but Germany just scored a goal, so it seems likely that they'll probably end up winning. Right, I'm going to brush my teeth, do some stretching and then go to bed. Good night! 

you bite your friends like chocolate

Hiya! Yesterday I found my favourite pair of undergarment-- it's been gone for so long, but I finally found it. Is that strange? To have a favourite pair of undergarment? Well, I don't really care. This morning was a hard one, I definitely felt like I was dying when I had firstly awoken. But I also had the strangest dream. It contained my siblings, shoes, a shower, and a gangster squad. I wonder if there's supposed to be a secret meaning? Lolz. On my way to work this morning, I was biking by a bush. Suddenly there was a deer jumping out of the bush and straight in front of me. It really freaked me out, because while I think it's fascinating to watch them from my window, I find them quite scary at a close distance. Their stare almost never waver, and I keep losing the game of who can stare the longest. Ugh. Anyway, it didn't actually stop in front of me, it was just passing the road and going wherever. It's funny, because the past weeks or so, I've seen more deer than cats. Crazy. When I got home this morning, I was planning to go to the shops, but my sister said: "erm, it's a Sunday". I had completely forgotten. And then I realised that if today is Sunday, then yesterday must have been Saturday. Furthermore it made me realise that I had forgotten to indulge in some chocolate. Bah. Today I've been doing mundane things like: cleaning my bedroom and the guest room, doing the washing, making food. When I was sat at the dinner table with Monchita and asking about her day, I felt like a proper adult. Onto a subject that immediately makes me a youngster again: yesterday One Direction had a concert in Italy. And they got a question (they had questions for the concert, probably because they were filming for their concert DVD) about what they would do if they were girls for 24 hours. Mr. Harry Styles actually answered: "I'd do Niall". I firstly saw a quote of this, and more often than not, quotes on Tumblr are taken out of context. So initially I didn't believe it. And I did hear it when he answered, but I thought I heard wrong? But then Liam, who also seemed a bit bewildered, said "well, that will be all over Twitter in the morning". So it appears to be valid. #GoNarry! And then they did a fist bump? And I think Harry said "Happy pride!", which sort of explains why he said he'd do Niall(?). But yes, as Harry said: Happy pride! I'm going to have a cuppa now, and chill out in front of the telly. Then it's bedtime for me. 

the more I swear I'm happy, the more that I'm feeling alone

My goodness, I've just finished watching the game between Brazil and Chile. I've never seen a game with so much tension. Of course I was cheering for Brazil mostly due to Neymar. But because I'm not a huge football enthusiast and "belong" to a certain team, I am quite democratic when I'm cheering. When seeing Chile scoring a goal, I went like: "oh no! but, like, that was a really decent goal. So good job Chile!". I think Chile did an excellent job, and it's only luck that brought Brazil the win this time. Also, Chile was the perfect opponent to Brazil, because they were good at blocking what Brazil is known for. I've come to realise more and more that there's a reason for why I don't usually watch football. I never knew how much drama there is in a football match. And I think there's a lot of faking when it comes to people falling over and whatnot. Also, unless you're some sort of hero, you're either loved because you played well, or you're hated because you didn't do well. It's just too much negativity for me, I think. However, I will most likely continue watching the World Cup. Also, after the game I just watched, I think I've fallen in love with Julio Cesar. Not because he probably was the reason for the win today. But he was in tears just before the penalties, and it was so clear to see how much this meant to him. Bah, I am a sucker for emotions, aren't I? Anyway, it's been another day at work, and it was almost empty on the roads this morning. Not so strange when it's a Saturday. I think the days pass by so quickly, and today is the last day I'll see my brother for awhile. Monchita, Lumba and I had a little face time conversation with David and Lynx. It was nice to see their faces again, and I can't wait for them to come this summer. Summer is passing by quickly and it is actually quite stressful, because there's so much I'm supposed to do. It doesn't worry me too much, because that's life. And although it feels like I'm working a lot these days, I only have five weeks before I have the start of August for my own enjoyment. Anyway, that's still five weeks away, which is lots of days I can't be bothered to count, so I'll just enjoy the little time I have left of this summer. I'm going to go now, spend some more time with my brother. And then it's back up bright and early tomorrow. 

my shirt looks so good, when it's just hanging off your back

Hi! Blogposts might be a bit sparse sometimes, due to work and whatnot. And next week there will probably be a bigger lack of updates (both because of work and Ale visiting). But I've always told myself that this blog will only be updated when I want to update. So on days there's no updates, it might be just because I didn't feel like it. Yesterday I biked home from work in the rain. It's something I probably shouldn't recommend, because it can be quite dangerous if you can't see things properly. But getting soaked in the rain is one of the most liberating things ever. When I took a shower after getting home, I felt one with the water. Either I haven't been watching telly on the right times, or there's not much football on telly anymore? Oh well, I've moved on to beach volleyball now. I've got three books (actually four, or a hundred) that's waiting for me to read them. However, after my first read-kick-week, I've moved back to fan fiction, and oh my god. Some people are so good at writing angst and sad stories, and they happen to write about things I can relate to, which makes it so much worse. I spent Thursday (I think?) reading this fan fiction with an ever growing lump in my stomach. But I took breaks from reading it, which prevented me from crying. You should never trust a trending topic on Twitter, but when I saw something trending about Niall Horan getting better (or summat, agh, I never do remember anything), I was intrigued. And it lead me to watch a video of Niall from the last concert in Amsterdam, where he was limping because someone threw something against his wonky knee. And it was actually quite heartbreaking to see the usual smile-y Niall on stage, bent over in pain. For the fans, I'm glad it happened at the ending of their concert, or else it would be a really subdued concert without Niall's antics. I hope the boys (hey Harry!) took care of him. Another thing that slightly pulled my heart strings, were his tweets afterwards: "[...] But only having my operation 5 months ago, I still get a bit of pain and I'm very scared about it". There's very few people who would admit to being scared about something like that, which could possibly end their career. It's because of these kind of things why I am so fond of Niall-- I've never seen him ashamed of himself in any way, and I find that such a great trait (to an extent, of course). His tweets after the concert is also a prime example of why he is the best member of One Direction to own a Twitter. First of all, he thanks all the fans for coming to the concert. Then he says "please stop throwing things at us", and then he says "I'm not complaining, but". He pleases the fans by being thankful, but he's also forwarding a message without being rude. Personally I think it's quite absurd that he even has to say that he isn't complaining, because of course you should be allowed to complain about people throwing things at you whilst performing. I strongly dislike fans who goes "oh you're just ungrateful" to things like this. Because my goodness, who are thankful for being a dart board ever? It's a miracle Harry hasn't been injured yet by the amount of things he gets thrown at himself. Anyway, it's already 8:00 pm now, and I'm just going to relax for a few hours before I go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities, but it's going to be quite busy at work. Don't think my feet will appreciate it. Especially because I said yes to work at Monday as well. Oh dear-- I'm just going to spend next week (after Tuesday) trying to relax my bones for a bit. Right, I'm going-- bye! 

When we both fall asleep underneath the same sky. To the beat of our hearts at the same time. So close but so far away.

11:11. It's like a taunt, like someone's pulling a trick on me. Positivity made me think of it as something lucky. It made me bet my pride on all the number 11 football players. Mosquito bites doesn't itch as much as the feeling of missing a limb. I can't put words on my feelings, can't put them in a category. Nor can I trace the reason for them. Or maybe I can, maybe I just don't want to admit to them. One Step forward, two steps back. Life is a strange game. I am a worrier, but I can put my thoughts away when I need it. But what about the worriers who can't? I've been here for twenty years. How am I supposed to survive another sixty years? It's terrible trying to fall asleep with a thousand thoughts in your mind. 

she's made of outer space, and her lips are like the galaxy's edge, and her kiss the colour of a constellation falling into place

Hiya. I've been watching The World Cup almost all hours all day, and there's more drama than the usual television programs I usually watch. I just got home from the airport again, it's starting to feel like my second home. I'm only joking, but I've been to the airport so many times these past few weeks, even more than I enter the local mall. I just wanted to say that I've actually let my parents borrow my camera, so the next few weeks there might be old pictures or just pictures from my phone. It feels a bit strange, being without my camera. I've had it for four years, I think, and it feels like a part of myself. But I figured it would be a good exercise, not spending so much time taking pictures. Although I have started taking less and less pictures lately. I really want to try buying a disposable camera and try taking two pictures each month, so it can last me a year. And by then I'll surely have forgotten about some of the pictures I've taken, and it'll be a surprise once I get the pictures. My birthday is coming up, but I'm in this sort of mood where everything just feels like such an effort. Like, I was lying on the sofa all day yesterday, skipped exercise, and ate three ice lollies. Hopefully I'll snap out of this mood shortly. I went to the mall yesterday, only just managed to not buy myself some glasses (I've got so many strange guilty pleasures), and got home with some seamless undies. And I've got to tell you (about the latter), it feels like not wearing any underwear, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. Yesterday I saw a picture of Joe Jonas and Dougie Poynter (from McFly), and my jaw dropped for a second. Only for a second, because I remembered that Jonas Brothers and McFly knows each other from before. I was just a bit surprised because there's honestly connections between everyone. (Jonas Brothers did a concert at Wembley once, and they had McFly on as a guest. McFly has been the opening act for One Direction for a few gigs on the WWA Tour, and they've written songs with Niall. Dougie Poynter is in a relationship with Ellie Goulding, who Niall has previously been rumoured to be together with as well. Ellie Goulding took over for Zane Lowe on the BBC Radio 1 yesterday, and she posted a picture of one of her exes Greg James -- who also works at BBC Radio 1 -- on her Instagram. She also played Skrillex during the two hours she was on the radio, and he happens to be one of her exes too. It has also been rumoured that she dated Ed Sheeran, which she denied. But I'm pretty sure he confirmed, and now there's rumours about his song Don't being about Ellie Goulding and Niall Horan. Ed is very close with Harry Styles, and they've always been very supportive of each other. Harry only just posted a picture of himself downloading Ed's new album. And Harry happens to have met Joe Jonas a few times, and they both happen to be exes of Taylor Swift, who again is great friends with Ed Sheeran. It's like a full circle, sometimes). I'm probably going to spend today reading, eating more ice lollies, watching more football, and just chill. I've got work the next four days, and then next week I'm only working for two days. Which is great, because Ale is visiting that week. My brother just came by my bedroom and threw money on my bed. I think some fell to the floor. I looked at him amused, "alright?". "It's money for your birthday, since I'll be gone". Apart from Monchita, my whole family has been travelling lately. I know Lynx and Grepper were off travelling the same weekend I was in Stockholm. And then they've just been travelling this previous weekend as well. They're travelling again in August, only stopping by at our house for a bit. Volla left last Sunday, my parents left today, and then my brother is leaving on Sunday. We'll be on different continents. I hope we'll get everyone gathered once this summer, that would be really nice. Anyway, have a nice day x.  

lights go down, and the night is calling to me

A week ago, I woke up early so I could do a bit sightseeing at a place called Gamla Stan in Stockholm. It's known for being one of the largest and best preserved medieval city centers in Europe. I suppose it's in it name, isn't it? Gamla Stan translates directly to Old Town, and it's where Stockholm was founded in 1252. Because it was an early Monday morning, most of the people out and about were the residents of Stockholm, travelling to work and whatnot. And it was nice, because it gave me a proper picture of what Stockholm is like without all the tourists. I was walking around with music in my ears, and just absorbing everything. It was a shorter walk than I had imagined, because I had suddenly walked down to Skreppsbron and Slussen. I'm guessing it would be a lot more nosy if I had walked there later, because then the stores would be open, and the tourists would be milling about. So I'm glad I took the trip early, because it let me properly have a look at the architecture. I fell in love with all the small alleys of course. Today is a whole week from then, and it seems so far away already. I've got work today, and I can't say I'm really looking forward to not lounging in the sofa. But hey, it's not a completely full day, and I've got the next few days off, so I can spend it with my siblings. There was nothing on telly this morning when we were having breakfast, so I just ended up on the Scooby-Doo movie, and to my surprise, my siblings were actually watching it. (Hashtag never grow up). Tomorrow I'm supposed to be driving with my dad, which sigh. I agreed to it, only because my parents are leaving on Wednesday, so it'll be my last opportunity to drive with my dad for weeks. I think the days are moving far too quickly, though it also feels like I've had holidays for ages. I keep looking at my schedule, thinking it'll be far away before school starts up again, but it's not really. Oh, and as we were watching footie yesterday, my sister pointed out to me that the previous World Cup was when we were in China. And it's funny how much has changed since then. I remember walking through stores, and almost everyone would be playing Waving Flag. It's so good, that song. Anyway, I've actually got to go get ready now. Have a great Monday x. 

Think of how much love that's been wasted. People always trying to escape it. Move on to stop their heart breaking

God, mosquitoes are such annoying insects. I woke up on Friday with a swollen eye due to a mosquito bite. The thing is that just before I went to sleep on Thursday, I spotted a mosquito. And I tried killing it, but it disappeared. So I got to the conclusion that either I managed to kill it and it landed somewhere in the bed, or it was hiding somewhere. Any other regular day, and I would have waited it out to see if I could find it. But I had to go to sleep. I just really needed a good night's sleep, because I hadn't slept enough the previous night, and then I also had to get enough sleep for another day at work. So, I woke up with a swollen eye. It was quite a hardship to actually keep my eye open. It looked a bit like I'd been hit, just without a bruise. So when I got home from work and showed it to my mum, I said: "look mum, I got hit in the eye". She didn't even see the swelling, just the blemish on my forehead. "Oh, you can just pop it, I guess". Monchita, who was sat beside me, giggled. I tried the same thing with Volla, once she got home. For a second she looked at me like she was in doubt, before she said "no, it's a mosquito bite". And I cursed myself, because I realised I had sent her a snap of my swollen eye and entitled it something akin "mosquito bite". I've been somewhat good at not itching, so the swelling has luckily gone down quite a bit. I also got a mosquito bite on Wednesday. And because I've not been able to itch the bite I've got on my eye, the bite on my knee has become a compensation, almost. It's turned into a really angry red colour. Oh well. I've been a bit AWOL because my most of my siblings have been home, and yesterday we got kicked out of the house by Monchita because she was hosting a party. She didn't actually know that our siblings were coming home this weekend. Nevertheless, we went to the mall, where I shockingly bought two items of clothings. It's shocking because when I went to Stockholm last week, I only bought one item of clothing. Mostly I just bought skincare. Anyway, I realised that I can fit into quite small sizes when it comes to jeans, just as long as there's some stretch in the material. Volla handed me a pair of jeans for kids. "I found a really nice capri jeans for you.. or, well, maybe it's just kids jeans," she said once she realised it herself. But it actually fit, so that's funny. I think the reason for why I actually bought things, is because I went to some shops I don't usually go to any more. And lately I've been more drawn to smart clothing (by smart clothing, I mean office wear. Like tailored shirts, knee-length skirts, fitted bottoms, etc), and that's not very popular in summer. The mall closed at 7:00 pm, and we still had hours to kill. Initially, we went to see if the cinema had any good movies on, but they were all in 3D, and it was hard enough to try persuade our mum to come along to the cinema. In the end we just ended up going to an Asian restaurant, where we surprisingly managed to sit two and a half hours. It's funny because when we were leaving, the waitress asked us where we were from in Chinese. We'd been talking Chinese for the whole evening, and she had never once said anything in Chinese, so we just assumed she was Vietnamese of summat. Once she had left the table after chatting with my mum, Volla said: "it's lucky we didn't badmouth the restaurant or her". It prompted a surprised laughter out of me, as I was nodding in agreement. I was awoken at 7:00 am this morning, which was a bit too early for my liking. But I was to drive my sister to the airport this morning. She's off to have her holidays, and she'll be back in a few weeks. It was an alright drive because it was early and almost no people on the road. Plus the road was mostly consisting of the highway, and you don't really have to shift gears for a long time. On the upcoming Wednesday, my parents are off on holiday, and then my brother leaves next Sunday. So it'll just be me and Monchita at home, which I can't wait for. It's great, because Ale is coming down the week after. Because of all the distractions with my summer job and siblings, the depression after the travels to Stockholm have been subdued. It's a bit worse again now, because it's been one week. And I get a bit heavy hearted each time I watch a new video of One Direction live, because it's been one week and a day since I saw One Direction live. I can only compare it to a person who jumps from relationships to relationships, where I'm one of those relationships, and I want to shout "you were just with me the other week, how can you be with them now?". It's just a (jealousy) thing that comes along whenever I go to their concerts. Oh well, later this year I am actually going to see Pharell with Ale. And if Kiwi bought the tickets, I'm going to see 1975 as well. I missed seeing 1975 last year at their last concert in Norway. It was because of my trip to visit Ale, which I would not trade for anything. But I've been listening a bit to the 1975 throughout the year, and I quite like them (erm, also quite enjoy Matt Healy's face). I'm so surprised that they're actually having a concert, because they were here last year, and then they're doing a festival here this summer. Anyway, it's Sunday, which means I have to clean my bedroom. And then I'm just going to chill for the rest of the day. Hopefully there's a football match on telly later.

When you said your last goodbye, I died a little bit inside. I lay in tears in bed all night, alone without you by my side

I'm currently watching the match between England and Uruguay, and I'm unsure of which team to cheer on. I don't usually watch football, and my sister just asked me "are you really watching football?". And then she asked me why. I said it's because of my belieber friend. It's because watching football makes me feel like she's beside me. Or in my head, because I'm having an inner monologue with "the belieber friend in my head". But I think I'm actually cheering for Uruguay, because I think they are playing better than England, but then again I know about nothing about football. Whilst watching the match between Italy and England I didn't cheer for England either. Anyway, I won't be able to see the whole game, because I need to go get some sleep. Yesterday I went to the cinema to watch The Fault In Your Stars, and I've not watched anything that has to do with the movie because I didn't want to have any expectations. And I was really surprised, because I thought it would be more Hollywood-y, and there was something different with the camera lens, I think. Because at the beginning it looked a bit more like the kind of lens they use when they shoot a documentary. I was surprised by how much of the book that was actually in the movie. I think it was a really great adaptation, and I don't think it could have been better. The thing is, you never realise how much of a cliché a book can be, before you see it in action. There were some major cringe worthy scenes in TFIOS, but it sort of made me realise that it's how life is as well. Goodness, halfway through the movie I could hear sniffles in the room, and I cried so much. It was like an never ending stream of tears from one of the sad scenes, to the end. If you don't cry during this movie, I don't understand you. The only thing with the movie that I was a bit disappointed about was the use of music. There were some really good tunes on the soundtrack for the movie, but I think they either cut the songs very strangely, or used parts of the songs in a bad way. One of my absolute favourite songs, All I Want by Kodaline, was one of the songs on the soundtrack. And it wasn't until I saw the movie that I realised how well the song suited the movie/book. But yes, because I watched the movie so late yesterday (with Marble, if I've not actually mentioned her), I got home late. And then I got very little sleep, which isn't the greatest base for the first day of my summer job. So I'm probably going to go to bed now. Hopefully I'll be a lot more awake tomorrow, because today I almost fell asleep, ha. 

Midnight memories. Baby you and me, stumbling in the street singing

After spending Friday packing, I took the train to Sugar where the whole kilo-gang was gathered. And we did the stupid mistake of staying up too late. It didn't occur to me until I was tucked into the bed, that his was our first sleep over together. And I exclaimed this excitedly to the others. I think I woke up at 4:20 am, and I don't want to know when I actually fell asleep. But it's safe to say that we were all very tired when we arrived at the airport. My head felt very heavy, and I was hoping that I'd fall asleep during the plane ride, which I didn't. Because we had an early plane, we couldn't immediately check in at our hotel room. We put our luggage in storage boxes, before we walked the few metres to Drottningsgatan, a big shopping street where we sat down at a cafe. I was thinking to myself "how the hell am I going to enjoy a concert when I'm this tired?". When my belieber friend and I arrived in our hotel rooms, it was almost like we'd never seen a hotel room. We were saying things like: "oh my god, look, they've got a telly!". That's how enthusiastic we were. But the thing is that it was the two of us who decided on the hotel-- HTL Kungsgatan. And it's a completely new hotel, only opened back in May. We booked hotel reservations before they had even opened the hotel. So of course we were a bit sceptical, at least I was. But once I got inside the room, I was so excited to see the room. We already knew it would be small, but it was actually bigger than I had expected. But the thing with small rooms, is that the design is more interesting, because they have to fit everything inside the room. "HTL Kungsgatan is the smart and affordable option compared to traditional hotels in Stockholm. HTL gives you a boutique hotel experience at an affordable price. Our rooms are smaller, but they’re also smarter. By paying attention to every detail, we pack lots of quality into our rooms. This means you pay less for a great experience". I think they were really on trend, because they had incorporated white marble bedside tables, and the lamp above the bed, where I was lying, was copper. And those two things are very in fashion in interior trends. I tried explaining this to my belieber friend, who I'm not sure was listening to any of my rambles. After settling in (lying on the bed for a bit, taking pictures, changing my top), we headed outside again. Somewhere in between I asked my belieber friend if it would be such a smart idea to be drinking alcohol when we were all so tired. In the end we agreed that this would be a weekend of making bad decisions for our health. It's probably why when I got home on Monday, I walked around like a zombie. And I slept until noon the next day, still tired when I woke up. Usually I always get a bit depressed whenever I get home from travelling. I was still tired yesterday, so it wasn't very apparent. Not until I saw the footie match between Brazil and Mexico on telly yesterday. Not until this morning when I woke up, and I looked at my phone and it was 11:11. Not until I was eating my breakfast all by my own. So, maybe, I'm not post-travel depressed, but I'm sad because I miss spending 24/7 with my friends. Soz I'm going to be posting about our trip forever (or like, until I stop being sad about being home). 

One Direction, Where We Are Tour 2014, 14th of June, Solna

Before the concert. Whenever I go to a concert, I forget most of the show within an hour afterwards. Not because it's been boring, but because my brain doesn't memorize everything I see. However, I do remember a lot of feelings. This is the tale of my experience with the One Direction concert at Friends Arena on Saturday the 14th of June (and it's for my own sake that I write this down, so you can just ignore this blog post, because it's going to be hella long). As you might know, One Direction has quite a few younger fans, which I think is the reason for why they don't allow any alcohol. So we bought a bottle of vodka at the airport, and with me being a bartender, the ratio between alcohol and mixes (soda, energy drinks) weren't that huge. I got a few comments on the drinks being "strong". The whole kilo-gang was gathered in my belieber friend and I's hotel room, and we were listening to my belieber friend's One Direction playlist (or summat). Before this we had been at a MAC counter, because the girls were looking at make up. And the counter was playing One Direction songs in preparation for the concert, which was ace. It was very easy to differentiate the people who were fans (people who were singing along to the songs), and who were not. I had scrapped any wish to look good at their concert, and I went with a warm jumper and my Nike free runs. It's the best decision I've done in a while. After the drinks in our hotel room, we went to find a restaurant. I had some lovely noodles, which I've been craving since Sunday night. We got quite big servings, so when I was full, it still looked like I had just gotten a plate of noodles. We stopped by the hotel for a quick trip to the loo and whatnot, before we ventured on and tried to find our way to Friends Arena. We had an inkling of how we were going to get there, but not much more than that. The hardest thing about travelling to another country, is probably trying to understand their public transport. We ended up taking a sort of train, after my belieber friend and Sugar had been talking to some Swedish people. The great thing about One Direction concerts, is that their fans are so easy to pick out, so we just tried to follow the people who were fans. After walking for a few minutes after the train ride, we finally spotted the stadium, and it was huge. We went straight to the toilets, and then my belieber friend and I went to find our seats, whilst Kiwi and Sugar went to get us some drinks (which I ended up spilling at the end of the concert). My belieber friend and I were linked at our arms, and we stopped in front of the door that would open the way to our seats. I don't know why I remember this so distinctly, but maybe it was because I got ready mentally. I can't explain the levels of excitement I felt, once we opened that door and stepped outside to see the whole stadium. I was overwhelmed, anxious and just bewildered. It's honestly one of the most crazy sights I've ever seen. "I felt like the king on our national day," I said to my belieber friend sometime this weekend. I think this is one of the things I'll remember for a long long time. 

5SOS and the start of the concert. I was surprised to realise that out of all the songs during 5 Seconds of Summer's set, I had only listened to four of them. But once they did play the four of them, I couldn't help but sing along. They're really good, and they had quite a long set, so it felt like having an additional concert. And you would think they were the ones headlining, before the concert-- because almost all the music videos and commercials were about 5SOS. Anyway, they were all really good, and really fun too. It's my favourite thing I think-- seeing artists having fun on stage. After their set, there was another half an hour maybe with random music. One of the songs were of course Macarena, and the whole stadium started doing "the macarena". Kiwi, Sugar and my belieber friend were very enthusiastic. They sang the "heyyyy macarena" part in a very deep note, which made heads turn. It's one of the things I remember a lot, turning around to see my friends dancing like crazy, and looking like they were having a really awesome time. Before the concert, I didn't really have any expectations for the concert, and once the concert started, I was still quite "eh". But after the second song, when Kiss You started, I was sold. This song was actually one of my favourite performances at the last year's concert during the Take Me Home tour. Whenever I watch a video of One Direction, I watch it a lot of times in order to see what everyone's doing. However, when it's live, you have to choose what to focus on. So I spent almost the whole concert focused on Niall, because of obvious reasons. So it's almost like I was only watching a concert with Niall and not all of One Direction. I was watching videos from the concert yesterday, and I went like "oh, that's what he was wearing" about Harry, because I realised that I had almost not watched him at all.

Surprises and "crotch grab". The band played a bit of Mamma Mia by Abba, which the crowd loved. Because hello, what is more iconic (for Sweden) than Abba? It was really good because everyone were singing along, even after the boys (Liam, Niall and maybe Harry?) stopped singing along. It's one of my highlights actually. I loved watching them perform Right Now, because they're so on point with vocals on that song. And it's slowly becoming one of my favourite songs from the album. I especially love listening to the harmonies during the choruses. The only thing is that I think there was something wrong with Zayn's microphone, because I could barely hear his solo's during the whole concert. So when Niall did the backup singing at the first chorus of this song, you could almost only hear Niall. A wonderful surprise was when they performed Diana. It's not my favourite song, so I've never actually seen a video of them performing the song, so I was surprised to see how well they (Niall) performs the song. And I do remember myself screaming out the lyrics. It really is a catchy song. My belieber friend poked me in the ribs, and looked amused after Niall had done some hip thrusting in beat with the song. At least that's why I think she poked me. Niall is a delight to watch on stage, I think. And that might be biased, but I still think it's true. During Better Than Words, I don't think I ever looked away from him. I mean, of course I was going to watch him do his infamous "crotch grab" during his solo. I think maybe the screams went a lot louder then, but I didn't realise because: 1. I was in my own world. 2. My hearing was probably a bit damaged by then. People keep calling it a crotch grab, but I think it's more like pressing the heel of his hand against his crotch in a downwards motion. (I'm clearly invested in this, seeing as I have explained it in detail). It might be similar, but it's different. Like, it's more subtle? If he were to grab his crotch, to me; it would signalize indulging in pleasure. Whereas what he does signalises suppressing the pleasure? I don't know if this gives any meaning, but to me it does. My belieber friend pointed it out afterwards, saying something akin that it was hot. Whereas Kiwi had been looking at Harry's version of a "crotch grab". He does a similar motion, except upwards, and it's just a lot more different. Niall actually looks down during his "crotch grab", which amplifies the signal of suppressing pleasure, and like the motion is something private. Whereas Harry looks at the crowd while he does it, and he almost always drags his shirt/t-shirt/jumper up slightly-- he's such a tease. He'd be a good stripper, probably. Oh god, now I can't stop picturing Harry standing by a pole half naked with a tiny pair of pants (or boxers as Americans says), with one of his big hats, and his glitter boots.

The blonde one. Something I remember very clearly is watching Niall being very smile-y. Though I preferred looking at the boys instead of the screens, I'd sometimes look at the screen. One time it was Zayn's solo, and he looked so serious. And in the background, Niall walked past with a grin plastered on his face, probably smiling at something Louis had said or done. When I say Niall is a delight to watch, it's because of his enthusiasm and it's easy to see how much he genuinely enjoys being on stage. He's not afraid to make a fool out of himself, and he dances along to their songs. He jumps around, and he hangs with the guitarists when they do guitar solos. I love One Direction, but I don't think anyone loves One Direction more than Niall. If he'd have his way, they'd be doing this until they turn fifty. When they were in Glasgow, doing Radio 1's Big Weekend, they did a interview with Scott Mills which turned into a mini documentary thing. Liam was just talking about how Glasgow was important to them because it was where they did their first gig, when Niall comes to sit beside Liam. And Liam asks Niall what the venue of their first gig was named., which Niall of course remembers the name of. In addition he remembers in details how it looked like. My friends commented on how the crowd screams a lot for Niall. It's funny because they said the exact same thing last year too. I don't know exactly why, but I think it's a thing in the fandom. The fans used to be really worried about Niall feeling under appreciated (this is like back in 2011- early 2012?). So I think they felt a need to make him feel appreciated, and they did that by screaming whenever he sang his solos. I'm not sure if this is still a reason for it. It's a thing that has lingered, I think, and you can hear it whenever they sing some of their old songs like Moments. But there's also a lot of screaming for him during the new songs, so it might just be because he's a lot of people's favourite. Even the people who has other favourites also enjoys a bit of Niall. I'm glad I was sat at the side we were sat, because I think Niall was turned toward us quite a bit. Especially when they were on that little stage that seemingly grows up from the ground. I spent a lot of time grinning and waving when he was waving at the crowds on our side. Also, when they sing Little Things, he always end up singing the last bit of his solo straight at the camera. And so if you watch the screen, it looks a bit like he's looking at you. Gave me the shivers, I tell you. Also, yes please to Niall in skinny jeans showing off his tiny legs, and yes please to Niall with electric guitars. Apart from the fact that I think he looked attractive, I also think he sounded great. I think Niall is great. And I'm pretty sure I said that to my belieber friend when we were in bed. I'm pretty sure I've said that to everyone, actually. 

The aftermath. The line out of the stadium was ridiculous. As it should be with little organising and approximately 60k people trying to get home at the same time. Outside the stadium there were a lot of parents waiting for their kids to meet them. That's good, but they were all blocking most of the way to the train, so we had to try getting past them all. Once we finally got to the train station, we didn't bother with buying tickets, because the lines were never ending. The problem was that we needed tickets in order to get through these automatic doors. What happened, is that Sugar followed this girl through the automatic doors. And then Kiwi, my belieber friend and I was stood wondering what we were supposed to do. Kiwi took a hold of my belieber friend's hand, and she held mine, and then she followed another person through the automatic doors. Then once we got to the trains, there were loads of people milling about, and people trying to get on the train. I said it was twenty minutes until the next train would arrive, which prompted Sugar's need to get on the train currently at the platform. She waits enough for trains at home, so I think it was instinct for her to move quickly. My belieber friend and I started jogging towards the train, when the guards(?) said we had to hurry up and get further towards the front of the train. All of a sudden Sugar and Kiwi started running like maniacs. And we were all holding hands, which means we were all running like crazy through crowds of people. Once we got on a carriage, I said that it felt a bit like an apocalypse, or Titanic. It felt like Sugar and Kiwi were Rose, and I was Jack. Save yourself. It's one of those things I'll remember probably for a long time too. 

Afterthoughts. The whole show was actually a bit more organised than I thought, and I did actually see traces of choreography. It was smart for some of the lads to be on stage and talk whilst the others were getting changed, or going to the loo. Or when Niall was gearing up to play guitar. I'm not going to lie and say that I think this concert surpassed the experience of my first concert, but I think it would be really hard to surpass it due to a few reasons. It was my first concert with them, which means my excitement level was through the roof. Plus, I feel like last year was my biggest year of being a fan of them? However, I don't want to say that this concert was worse than the last years because I enjoyed this one in a completely different way. It's hard to explain, and I'm not sure if I can. But I have loved seeing One Direction the two times I have, and I would love to see them a hundred times more. They're always a delight to watch, and with a One Direction crowd, you are allowed to yell, shout, and be as crazy as you want. And acting that way is viewed as normal. We did get a few looks from people, but they were mostly parents, and one in particular was more amused than anything. Kiwi pointed out to me that they hadn't done any Instagram questions, and I hadn't even realised. I don't think they've done them since they were in Dublin, actually. It's sad that they've decided to cut that part out, because I love the banter between them whenever they're answering strange and random questions. But I guess it's also a good thing? Because that must mean that they want to focus more on their music. I'm not quite sure why they cut it out though. I regret not taking more than one video, but at the same time I think I would regret taking videos. Because then I would want to have videos that would capture the boys all the time, which means I'd have to look at the boys through my camera lens, and I wouldn't be able to sing along as loudly because I obviously don't want the audio of the video to be me. And all of this would just ruin a lot of the experience of being on a One Direction concert, which doesn't happen to me every day. The few downsides at the concert was the thing about Zayn's microphone, and that Harry wasn't on top with his vocals. The latter has been struggling for a week or so now, because he almost lost his voice last week, if I'm not wrong. But other than that, I had such an amazing time-- I don't think it could have been better actually. Now I just want to rewind and experience it all over again, because it was so much fun. (Sigh, I'm having a post-travel depression). 

It's easy being with you, sacred simplicity

I've been lying in my bed for the past few hours, just reading fan fiction and catching up on Youtube videos. And it feels like I never left here, like I was never in Stockholm. Simultaneously it feels like I've been gone for a week. I am so tired, and I want to go to sleep right now. I got home at 3:45 pm today, and the first thing I did was to unpack. I'm the kind of person who either unpacks the second I get home, or I postpone it for a week (or even two). I didn't want the latter to happen, so I just unzipped my battered suitcase and got on with the unpacking. Stockholm though-- it was quite amazing. There was a lot of walking, eating and alcohol in the picture. And small (and big) adventures. I'll probably elaborate about my trip once I have regained some energy, and with some of the few pictures I took (I feel like I barely took any pictures at all). But for now I'll tell you about my roomie. I shared a hotel room (and bed) with my belieber friend, and I learned a few things from this new experience. One of them is the fact that my belieber friend loves balls. She likes them big, small, whatever the size (it appears that size doesn't matter to her). I get the impression that she definitely enjoys balls with a bit of a bounce in them. I've now seen her ogling balls in whatever sports shops we were in. And I've watched the glee spread on her face when she tests the bounce in a ball. If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my balls. 

right now everything is new to me

Hiya! I have a love-relationship with cars that has automatic transmission, and a hate-relationship with cars that has manual transmission. Ugh, I've not got high hopes. I drove to Sugar's town today (she doesn't own it, but it's where she lives), and it was so stressful. I got there half an hour early, so I went to browse through the H&M at the mall whilst waiting. And I actually tried on a proper shirt, and a really lovely (faux) leather skirt. It was sadly not my size, and therefore I had to part ways with it. I took a picture of it before I went, because I have a feeling I probably won't find it again, and I'll be having daydreams about finding a skirt like it. I probably have to pop by the mall tomorrow, so I'm going to see if I can find it somewhere. Anyway, I met up with Sugar and Marble, and we walked towards our desired destination, where we shortly decided to light our BBQ. I had luckily remembered to bring matches, because I still have a mental list of things to bring with to BBQ's after I had one with my belieber friend the other day. However, it was very windy today. I think we had about ten working matches, ten chances to alight our BBQ. And we managed to blow away (hah, pun. get it? cause it was so windy) almost all off our chances. In the end Sugar gave up, and went to call her mum to come pick us up so we could just do the BBQ in her garden. At that time Marble and I were crouched by the BBQ, waiting for the wind to stop. I had one match left. One chance to alight the BBQ so we could finally have some food. Did it alight? N...yes!!! As you can see, this is a very important story for me to tell, because my sense of achievement was on top. If I were to analyse myself, I would say that this particular achievement would probably not be very important normally. However, due to my lack of a sense of achievement when I was driving earlier that day, I had been feeling quite incompetent. So when I finally managed to be a competent person and alight our BBQ, I felt a huge surge of achievement. Story of my life. If it wasn't so very windy and therefore cold, I would probably try to wade in the water. Instead we ended up going to Sugar's house to do some research and watch a bit of telly. Time went very quickly, and then we went to the mall to get some ice cream, because that's the only thing I seem to eat these days. And whoop, Marble and I went to take the train home, and it was suddenly 8:00 pm. I think I said to Marble: "oh wow, it's actually quite late, innit?". Right now I'm listening to One Direction and thinking about starting to pack my bag. When I got home my mum actually said: "why are you home? I thought you had gone". Apparently my younger sister had told my mum that I had gone already. The mentioned sister was quite surprised to see me open her door and ask her about it, said she thought I had gone this morning and that my suitcase was gone from my room. I pointed out that it's still in my bedroom, and she shrugged "I've actually been inside your bedroom to see though". "Really? Remember when dad told you to open my window when I went this morning? Well, my suitcase is standing right by my window," I said. "Oh, right, I didn't wear my glasses". Ugh, I'm still looking at the picture of the leather skirt. It's so nice looking (my precious). Anyway, have a very good night! 

when you cast away and you feel like home, I'll try to find you

This is my lunch from last week, I think. It was really good. The pictures are making my mouth a bit watery, ha. I went to bed practically naked yesterday, because it was 24C/75F inside my bedroom. I can't bloody sleep when it's so warm. I reckon it's why I woke up at 5:30 am as well. I checked my social media, before I decided that I should try falling asleep again. Luckily I was successful, and woke up at 7:00 am. I spent the morning listening to Grimmy (I laugh so much when I'm listening to him and the team), and exercising. When I got home I got another magazine about nursing related topics. And it made me realise that I hadn't even read through the past two others. So that's what I spent time on; reading up on those I've missed. I've done a few errands today, and I might actually start thinking about packing-- as in writing a list of what I should bring along. Lols, the first time I heard Wasted by Tiësto, I thought the lyrics were: "I like us better when we're naked". That's the only thing I can think of whenever I listen to the song. Speaking of songs, Here For You by Gorgon City has been my favourite tune for the past few days. I really like the lyrics, and I've marginally grown a love for electronic/house music, so I'm really enjoying it. My dad has been painting different things in the house and outside the house, so it's been a very distinct smell of paint in the whole house for the whole day. Tomorrow I'm going to hang with Sugar and Marble, and it looks like we're having a BBQ? I guess that'll be twice for me this week. Anyway, I'm going to try to be somewhat productive with the rest of my day, and hopefully you'll be too. That is unless you don't want to. 

I know we'll make it through. One thing is for certain, I'll be here for you

Before I met up with my belieber friend yesterday, I had some extra time. I spent that time wandering around, looking at different houses. I could probably spend hours doing that. The second picture is from when we were sat at Tjuvholmen. Isn't it gorgeous? My favourite colour is actually blue, so this pictures makes me extremely happy. I woke up this morning to my dad calling my phone. I blearily checked what the time was when I realised he had literally done a "wake up call". It was 9:00 am, but I was so tired because I went to bed at 2:00 am. And I was exhausted after spending so much time in the sun yesterday. I've spent the morning in bed, catching up on Tumblr, the One Direction concert on Sunday, and Youtube. There's so few days left to the concert now, that I have a daily freak out. I was actually listening to yesterdays Breakfast show with Grimmy, and they were talking about Niall. Grimmy said "people go crazy for him". Finchy said it's because everyone's gone to school with someone like Niall-- he's very likeable. A few days ago I actually read a post (on Tumblr) where someone asked what's so special about Niall, and why he's the fans' favourite. And I think it was a really great answer: "people like him because he’s likable? he’s relatable — he’s their own biggest fan after all, the biggest fanboy of others, he’s completely grounded, just refreshingly unfazed by their obscene wealth and fame. and he’s accessible, he’s mastered that balance between keeping his privacy where it counts by opening his life up to the fans and sharing so much of himself. i think what really unites general fans in loving niall is how much he loves everything — the boys, his life, his job, /us/ — he loves what he does /so much/ and is so incredibly grateful for it, for the fans that’ve allowed it to happen, and he doesn’t ever let up on expressing that appreciation for a second. he doesn’t take it for granted, he’s making the most of everything, four years in and he’s still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, he’s not jaded one bit. like clockwork, you can count on his excited pre-show tweets, his effusive post-show ones, and this random smattering of sentimentality and gratitude all throughout. how he’ll just be in bed thinking about how lucky he is, how he’ll be counting the number of shows there’ve been, the places they’ve been to, tick off all their anniversaries and achievements and he’ll share it with us as he’s thinking it, be so awed and thankful, and it’s just. it’s really really hard not to love niall, i think" (1). He is certainly not perfect, and he's done his fair share of mistakes (but he's very good at apologising). I wouldn't say Niall is everyone's favourite as the question suggests, but I've never actually come across anyone who hates him. I was lucky enough to get mosquito bites on my sunburn yesterday, plus I accidentally scrubbed my shoulders in the shower. And let me tell you how much it burned. I told my belieber friend that I nearly cried. Afterwards my sunburns had turned into an angry red colour, and I rubbed some aloe cream on to soothe them. It still hurts a bit, and I can't wear straps without it hurting. Despite quite good weather today, I've spent most day inside hiding. And doing research for the Stockholm-trip. I'll probably continue doing that, and hopefully I'll find a great fan fiction to reward my efforts, ha. Nah, I've just been reading so many books lately, I think it's time for me to read some fan fiction too. Anyway, have a nice day x. 

We all go through changes, run to different places. That doesn't mean that we have to part

I'm currently sat by my desk in my bikini top and my shorts because it's still really warm. Today has been a very nice day. I drove to Vigelandsparken, which was quite stressful. When my dad knocked on my door yesterday to say that we were going for a drive today, I told him I was going to Oslo to meet a friend. I thought maybe I'd get away with that as an excuse, but then he said "alright, then you can drive there". It would be fine if I drove the car with automatic transmission, but I didn't. Later when I met up with my belieber friend, I told her if you want to feel incompetent, you should just try learning to drive. We (the kilo-gang) had initially to use this Monday to plan for our Sweden-trip. But due to different reasons, half of the group could not attend a meeting. So my belieber friend and I ended up meeting up for a BBQ and a hangout. I always prefer Vigelandsparken when I'm going to have a BBQ in a park in Oslo. Although there's usually a lot of people, and especially today because of the amazing weather, it's a huge park. And if you walk a bit further into the park, you'll find great spots where it's nearly empty of people. Which is something I like (my conclusion of the day is that I don't like people). We ended up leaving the park in hunt for some ice lolly's/ice cream. We were supposed to go to the little cafe within the park, but I forgot, and I walked straight past it. I'm not sure if my belieber friend remembered, but she definitely didn't notify me. Instead she was sharing her pick up lines with me. It was something about how I should get a dog so I can break the ice with handsome strangers. At last we ended up at Aker Brygge, where we bought ourselves some ice cream to cool off. And then we walked to Tjuvholmen, towards the sea. It was of course filled with people, which was a bit of a downside. But we managed to wade in the water for a bit, which was so nice after sitting in the boiling heat for hours. Sadly I wasn't actually wearing bikini bottoms, so I didn't feel like ducking under water in my shorts or underwear. We sat by the sea for an hour maybe? Or more? I can sit by the seaside for hours, because I love it so. I've had a really great day with my belieber friend, and we did a lot of talking, which was nice. When I got home, I had dinner in the sun, and drank two bottles of water. I knew the second we walked from Vigelandsparken, that I had sunburn on my back, because the straps on my backpack was digging into my shoulders and it hurt. So it wasn't that big of a surprise when I got home and stripped off my top to see a very red back. It's hilarious because you can really see tan lines from where I was wearing my top. Be smarter than me and don't underestimate the power of the sun. I've been reading a book about Stockholm in preparation for the trip. I never actually read these guide books, I just look through it. But it's actually quite interesting, I think. I'm probably going to spend the rest of this day reading it, and possibly continue the little fiction I started yesterday. I was inspired to write a little fan fiction about Niall and Harry, because they seem to really get along with each others family. So I had a laugh writing it yesterday. Anyway, have a really great evening xx. 

I like the way you smile with your eyes

I'm in a weird mood of over excitement. It happens sometimes when I'm overly happy. This picture kind of sums up my day. Apart from the sky, it's been a very blue day. I wore these shorts this morning as I had a bit of a drive through town with my dad. With my sister gone this weekend, my dad has not stopped waking me up each morning. "C'mon, wake up, we're going for a drive today". When I got home, I finished rereading a fanfiction, before I went to clean my bedroom and change the sheets. Once I was done, I changed shorts and wore my shirt to sit outside in order to read How To Fall in Love by Cecelia Ahern. I've been struggling to finish it all week, but I only had to get past fifty pages until I was hooked. I picked up the book when I was looking through the shelves at my local library last Sunday. I've read a lot of books by Ahern, so I'm very familiar with her work. What I probably enjoy the most, is how she describes Ireland. It's why I also love Marian Keyes. They're sort of similar the two of them, and they both use the Irish culture and places in Ireland actively in their work. And it's how I fell in love with Ireland, actually. It was a very funny book, and I could definitely relate to the protagonist. One of the reasons for my strange mood, is because I had one of those realisations dawning on me-- next week I'm going to see One Direction (that is if nothing goes wrong). My quickened breathing was for once not because of my exercise routine, but because I had a bit of a freak out whilst doing the plank. Shit, I'm, what?? I'm seeing One Direction like next week. That's what?? Oh my god. The words in italic were my thoughts, if that was not obvious already. Speaking of One Direction and exercise; one of the songs in my jogging playlist is Everything About You by One Direction. It's an oldie from their first album, but I really love it. It puts a smile on my face, and who would deny themselves a smile? Ugh, I really want to eat another of those sandwich ice creams, but I think they belong to my sister (insert ice cream emoji's here). Anyway, have a good night's sleep x.  

Baby, hold on to my heart. Need you to keep me from falling apart

Goooooood morning chirps! I've just spent the morning catching up on the One Direction concert yesterday. I must say that the stage really does look a bit like an obstacle course. Hm. Yesterday I woke up at 7:00 am so I could listen to Grimmy whilst having my breakfast. Then I did "Dynamic yoga" and "Alpha abs" routines from the Nike Training app, before I went for a jog. Admittedly I still like running at Saturdays the best, I think. Because there's a lot fewer people up and about on the weekends (in the mornings at least). Because I'm always really bad at estimating the needed time to get ready, I was a bit stressed. But I made it to the train station ready dressed, so that's good. Whilst waiting for the train to arrive, I was sat outside. And because it's just my luck, a smoker came to sit down beside me. Ugh, have you ever tried to hold your breath, and then you have to inhale because you actually realise you can't hold your breath forever because the body needs oxygen to survive-- and then you inhale smoke. And then you become a passive smoker (lols, I just got this mental image of slotting "passive smoker" down on my CV). In the end I arrived at my destination, and waited to see if I could spot any of the other girls. Kiwi and the birthday girl (happy birthday!), Sugar, sort of accidentally scared me? I'm not sure if it was accidental or intentional. Nevertheless, they popped up behind me, and I was relived to not stand alone in the masses of people. When we had all arrived, we walked to the restaurant, which was a very pleasant surprise. I really enjoyed it, because it's a bit away from the most popular locations. Which makes it a bit less crowded. Plus we sat in a corner by ourselves, so we were free to talk about whatever we wanted. The only thing is that we were quite a few people, and because I was sat at one end, it was hard to have a conversation with the people on the other end. But that's how it always is. Anyway, I had a really great time, and I spent a lot of time laughing. Our next stop was a bar, where we went from seven people to five people. I got to taste a sip of an Appletini. I declined a sip from Sugar's drink, because I wasn't going to drink anything. But I couldn't pass on an Appletini just because it's J.D.'s (as in the character) favourite drink from Scrubs. And it just reminded me of him sitting in the bar and asking for an Appletini. I was a bit confused, because when watching Scrubs they always point it out to be a feminine drink. I guess maybe within the two first seconds it tastes quite apple-y, but then the after taste was quite sour and tasted vodka. So I don't know if it can be categorised as a feminine drink. It did actually remind me a bit of the jelly shots Ale, Marble and I made back in November. We failed a bit on the measuring bit, because they ended up tasting mostly vodka. Anyway, when we were sat in the bar yesterday, I heard the table next to us shout "kilo!" a few times, and I locked eyes with Kiwi, who apparently had heard the same thing. We both burst into laughter, because it was such a funny coincidence. I actually quite enjoyed the bar, because they played a lot of old but good music. "This is your music," I said to Sugar, which was very suitable as she was celebrating her birthday. When I left they were playing Jubel by Klingande, and I was actually contemplating whether I should have walked to the DJ's and give them a thumbs up. I didn't do it, because I was suddenly worried about the time and whether my friend and I was going to get to the train station in time. The worries was all for naught, because we got there in good time. When we got to our destination, I said my goodbyes to my friend, and then I actually walked home. Because the time it took for me to wait for the bus equalled the time it would take me to walk home. Plus I've sort of missed walking home late at night-- I only do it in the summer when it's brighter outside, and it feels like it's 7:00 pm rather than 11:00 pm. I always enjoy it, because it gives me time to reflect on the day/night. When I got home I had an apple and one of those "sandwich" ice creams? whilst watching the telly with my parents. And I figured maybe that I should tell them that I was off to Sweden next week. I think I've like forgotten that I'm actually going, despite the fact that I've written it down on my schedule that I've got above my desk. And in my schedule on my phone, and in my planner. I think the kilo-gang are meeting up this week in order to discuss what we actually want to do this trip. Whenever you go for a short trip, it's always good to plan on beforehand to maximise the experiences of your trip. I need to go now, because I've yet to have breakfast. And I am going to enjoy the nice weather. Have a very good Saturday to all of you xx.

I wasn't looking for a promise or commitment. But it was never just fun and I thought you were different

There's something about full-on rain that gives a very lovely atmosphere (unless you're outside, drowning in the rain), and it makes me go prepare a cuppa and some biscuits. My window is halfway open so I can listen to the soothing sounds of the splashing rain and the scent it gives. I'm playing Tenerife Sea by Ed Sheeran from the Multiply album. I went to bed listening to his Multiply gig in Dublin, and I've almost finally admitted to myself that maybe his newest album isn't a very big favourite of mine. I'm not quite sure if he wants to change his image, but I think his sound has evolved a lot since the last album. And that's good, I suppose. But I'm a sucker for simple songs, so I've not completely thrown myself at the bandwagon. However, the first song I've really gotten attatched to, is actually Don't. I was humming along to it all day yesterday. And it's an upbeat song, so who knows. I try to never say I won't ever like an album, because I believe that I might not like that new Drake album (for example) right now. But in a years time, maybe I will. Or maybe in five years. And if I still don't fall in love with the upbeat songs on the Multiply album, I still have Tenerife Sea which is a very "Ed Sheeran" song. I'm actually listening to BBC Radio 1 right now with Annie Mac, and Ed Sheeran is playing in the Live Lounge later, so I'm looking forward to it. I woke up at 8:00 am this morning, in hope to have the living room for myself. I really enjoy having my breakfast in silence, just staring out of the window. At 8:30 am, I got an incoming Facetime call from David. He and I had a bit of a chat whilst having breakfast together. "Are you going to take another bite with me?" "Yeah!". He also made me blow on his scratches through the screen. He's so chatty these days, so I ended up talking with him for half an hour probably. He was talking about how his mum was preparing coffee, and he was like "ew, I don't like coffee". I answered "neither do I. Coffee is for grown ups". Then he said that he liked water, not coffee. And then we had toasted through the screens, which made him notice my One Direction cup. "You have a man on your cup," he exclaimed. He's so precious. Ah, I forgot that it's Thursday already. It's the final day of that basic traffic knowledge course, which I'm really looking forward to. I'd like to take back my freedom please. This weekend and the next week I actually need to try finishing the books I've borrowed. I've barely started reading the first book, and I've had it since Sunday. I think the hardest part about starting a book, is the beginning. If it doesn't immediately tickle my interests, I have to force myself to plough through. Not necessarily because it's boring, but I always have a hard time with that bit. I'm going to see if I can read a bit of that whilst listening to Ed Sheeran. Oh my god, Ed covered Stay With Me by Sam Smith. That's like my ultimate dream scenario! Two of my absolute favourites? And one of my favourite songs since March. It's my lucky day, I think. I ought to get something to eat soon. Have a nice Thursday! 

you didn't need to take him to bed that's all. And I never saw him as a threat until you disappeared with him to have sex of course

Though I sometimes curse myself for ever getting into the One Direction fandom on Tumblr, I am mostly glad that I did. Through my teenage years (and probably before that), I've always been a fan of someone or something. And I think my love for being a fan of someone, is because to a sense of collectivism. It's been going through my mind lately, because I remember loving it back when I was a "russ"-- how we all just seemed to have the same purpose. I remember spending afternoons with my childhood friend cutting out images of Kylie Minogue. And I guess it's the same now with the One Direction fandom. The reason for why I am glad that I got sucked into the fandom on Tumblr, is because it introduced me to fan fiction. And I know most people on the outside think down on fan fiction. I'm not blaming anyone, because I probably would too. We're all humans and filled with prejudice-- we can only try to change that prejudice, I suppose. But since I am well known with fan fiction, I know it's not all just crap. And I've said it so many times-- sometimes I read fan fiction that's better than proper novels. And I've read bloody many novels. It's come to a point where I'll read a book, and I'll actually compare it to a fan fiction. What I enjoy the most, probably, is the fact that the writers of fan fictions are fans as well, and they're so easy to reach. It's a great thing, this Tumblr, because it's allowed me to create relationships with people all over the world, and it's just amazing, I think. It's nice to log onto my Tumblr and see a new message in my inbox from one of my favourite writers to see "how are you?". It's amazing how some people have bonded over things they have in common and become proper friends in real life. (This is not a suggestion for you to create a Tumblr and meet someone through it. Remember the dangers about these kind of things). Yesterday I stopped everything I was doing because I found a long Narry (Niall and Harry) fan fiction. It's very rare that I come across a long and good fan fiction about those two, so I was chuffed to find it yesterday. I think it's mostly because both Niall and Harry are quite hard to write, if you're supposed to write their proper personality and not an alternative universe. Because you have people who are quite easy to figure out and read, but then you have people like them who are harder to read. Because you can have a picture of them in your head, but then they could suddenly do something completely unexpected that makes you rearrange your picture of them. But yes, I finished reading the fan fiction today, and it was so good. It's a fiction about the future, and it made me crawl in on myself a bit because it was such a realistic scenario. The worst part about reading long fan fictions or novels, is the part where it's only a few pages left, and you don't want it to end. I hate that. And I hate that despite rereading something, it won't ever feel like the first time. Anyway, so I'm having this course about basic knowledge about road traffic, and most of the people there are kids. Or, like teenagers between 15-18. And I've never felt happier about being 20, because I can honestly see them doubt themselves. Like whenever the instructor/teacher asks about something, only a few have guts enough to attempt an answer. Just looking at them makes me remember the insecurity of being 16 and cowering from the teachers sight because I was afraid to answer incorrectly. I try not to reach my hand up too much, although I know the answers to a lot of the things asked, just because I think they should have a try. Sometimes if you wait long enough, the kids that initially doubts their own answer will be brave and try anyway. I am glad I am no longer 16, because I don't care much about these things any more. I'll give it a guess and shrug if I'm wrong. My brother got home yesterday for a brief visit, it appears. He's on his way back now because he and his friend borrowed a rental car to drive down with their belongings. So they have to drive the car back. I guess he'll fly back shortly. Yesterday I had my first pieces of watermelon this year. It was so good. The weather outside looks quite grey, and it's been raining a bit. I do enjoy a few grey days in between all the lovely weather. Anyway, today I have to pop by the library to fetch a few books. Hopefully I'll manage to finish reading all of the books in good time. Don't by Ed Sheeran is quite the tune, I think. And if the rumours of the background of the song is correct, then, well. Good on you, Sheeran, getting your emotions down on the paper. Though I don't hope he's actually gone name dropping, trying to tell the world who the song is about. Because that's very "Taylor Swift" of him. Anyway, I am actually going now. Have a great wednesday!